Why We Turned to Traditional
Due to PCOS, Iíve always known it would be
difficult for me to have kids. For a long time, my husband and
I didnít want kids. Then, in December 2002 we thought I had
gotten pregnant. Turns out we were probably right, but that
pregnancy didnít stick around. Went to a doctor and found out
Iíve probably gotten pregnant lots of times but just didnít know
About six months later, we decided to see an RE. Through pre-IVF
testing, we found out I also had extreme immune issues. The
protocol recommended to us was too extreme for us. For almost a
year, dh and I researched adoption - first domestic, then
international. Finally, dh told me he just couldn't do it. The
more he read, the more he realized he just couldn't go through
all the scrutiny that comes along with the adoption process.
John asked me to consider surrogacy. This was a Friday night in
July. By Sunday, I was fully on board! I spent nearly two days
on the internet researching. The one thing I couldn't
understand was how a woman could carry a baby, then give it to
another couple. As an infertile woman trying with all her might
to have a child, it's not surprising to think this way.
Then the light bulb went off. I read stories written by
surrogates about their journeys and why they do the most
wonderful thing that they do. Tears welled up in my eyes
thinking that there were indeed angels on earth. Still happens
every time I think about it.
John and I then talked about what we were looking for in a
surrogate. It was important to me to have someone close because
I want to be involved in every little doctor's appointment, and
I want to be there if our TS needed any help at all. I want to
build a close relationship that will continue past our
surrogacy. I want to have a connection with our TS so that we
can become friends. All this was far more important to me than
what our surrogate looked like. We also wanted to find someone
whose fees we could afford. We did have a big range as we
planned on spending $30,000 on adoption. Ideally, we wanted
someone with experience.
Less than a month after we turned to surrogacy, we found our
angel! She posted an ad on SMO and I answered it right away.
It was just before I left for a business trip. Many times
during the day I would go to my hotel room and check my email.
As this TS was also on a business trip, it took a few days
before I heard back from her. We were a match! We spent a few
weeks emailing each other, then talking on the phone a couple of
times, before we met. We both knew before we even met that we
were a match.
Now, here's where my story takes a bit of a different turn than
some. One of the reasons we "fit" so well is because neither of
us wanted to officially start TTC till September 2003. It was
important to all of us to build a strong relationship before
taking this step. In the meantime, we emailed, talked, and
visited with each other.
When we first met, we lived about 2-1/2 hours apart from each
other, but about six months later we moved to the same town as
our Valerie. We didnít move for her Ė she just happened to live
in the town we were moving to.
Lastly, I have to say how at peace dh and I felt once we turned
to surrogacy. For us, everything fell into place, whereas with
adoption we kept hitting "road blocks". I know without a doubt
that not only did we follow the perfect path for us, but we had
also found our perfect angel.
On Monday, August 23, 2004 at 9:06pm, Valerie gave birth to our
daughter via emergency c-section. She was a petite little girl,
weighing 5lbs 12.6oz, and was 19.25Ē long, but has made up for
her size quickly. Sheís beautiful, perfect, and adored!
This story written and
submitted by Debbe
User name: Anyasmomma