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Why We Turned to Traditional Surrogacy


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One mother's story.



Due to PCOS, Iíve always known it would be difficult for me to have kids.  For a long time, my husband and I didnít want kids.  Then, in December 2002 we thought I had gotten pregnant.  Turns out we were probably right, but that pregnancy didnít stick around.  Went to a doctor and found out Iíve probably gotten pregnant lots of times but just didnít know it.

About six months later, we decided to see an RE.  Through pre-IVF testing, we found out I also had extreme immune issues.  The protocol recommended to us was too extreme for us.  For almost a year, dh and I researched adoption - first domestic, then international.  Finally, dh told me he just couldn't do it.  The more he read, the more he realized he just couldn't go through all the scrutiny that comes along with the adoption process.

John asked me to consider surrogacy.  This was a Friday night in July.  By Sunday, I was fully on board!  I spent nearly two days on the internet researching.  The one thing I couldn't understand was how a woman could carry a baby, then give it to another couple.  As an infertile woman trying with all her might to have a child, it's not surprising to think this way.

Then the light bulb went off.  I read stories written by surrogates about their journeys and why they do the most wonderful thing that they do.  Tears welled up in my eyes thinking that there were indeed angels on earth.  Still happens every time I think about it.

John and I then talked about what we were looking for in a surrogate.  It was important to me to have someone close because I want to be involved in every little doctor's appointment, and I want to be there if our TS needed any help at all.  I want to build a close relationship that will continue past our surrogacy.  I want to have a connection with our TS so that we can become friends.  All this was far more important to me than what our surrogate looked like.  We also wanted to find someone whose fees we could afford.  We did have a big range as we planned on spending $30,000 on adoption.  Ideally, we wanted someone with experience.

Less than a month after we turned to surrogacy, we found our angel!  She posted an ad on SMO and I answered it right away.  It was just before I left for a business trip.  Many times during the day I would go to my hotel room and check my email.  As this TS was also on a business trip, it took a few days before I heard back from her.  We were a match!  We spent a few weeks emailing each other, then talking on the phone a couple of times, before we met.  We both knew before we even met that we were a match.

Now, here's where my story takes a bit of a different turn than some.  One of the reasons we "fit" so well is because neither of us wanted to officially start TTC till September 2003.  It was important to all of us to build a strong relationship before taking this step. In the meantime, we emailed, talked, and visited with each other.

When we first met, we lived about 2-1/2 hours apart from each other, but about six months later we moved to the same town as our Valerie.  We didnít move for her Ė she just happened to live in the town we were moving to.

Lastly, I have to say how at peace dh and I felt once we turned to surrogacy.  For us, everything fell into place, whereas with adoption we kept hitting "road blocks".  I know without a doubt that not only did we follow the perfect path for us, but we had also found our perfect angel.

On Monday, August 23, 2004 at 9:06pm, Valerie gave birth to our daughter via emergency c-section.  She was a petite little girl, weighing 5lbs 12.6oz, and was 19.25Ē long, but has made up for her size quickly.  Sheís beautiful, perfect, and adored!
 

This story written and submitted by Debbe
User name: Anyasmomma

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