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  1. Today
  2. Keeping her and of course you, in my prayers for Monday's appt! Update when you can.
  3. Yesterday
  4. Thank you for all your input- she has a doctor appointment on Monday. Hoping this may shed some light on her lightly time scale and treatment plan. she is feeling very low just now- reality is hitting her and fear is kicking in. Up until now she was very calm and matter of fact. I wouldn't be surprised if she called off the surrogacy herself. will update in a few days time
  5. I think it's wise to slow down and wait until you have more information. The original plan wasn't this soon anyway. It may help to keep a written list of your thoughts. I'm sure it's very overwhelming to carry all your emotions and various reasons in your mind. Maybe writing some thoughts down can help clear your mind's space so you can focus on your daily tasks until you have more information and can talk about the finer details of the situation.
  6. Last week
  7. Yes I am close with her- we are school friends and she's been a part of my life since (we are now 31) We are trying to arrange a chance for the 4 of us to talk. I just can't say 100% either way until we know more from doctors and also from the fertility clinic. I can't lie there's points I think I can't do it then my initial reasons and initial urge of offering in the first place take over again! as I say I'm feeling different every day. Yesterday I was leaning towards the negatives and today I think I'm just going to be open minded,patient and see what the next few months bring. This may be taken out of our hands if her illness takes a turn for the worst, this also may give me a boost if her doctors were to give her the 5 year mark to live to. There's just no knowing. krissy, thank you for sharing your story. I understand where you are coming from. I'm in a strange situation as I'm emotionally involved in my friend's illness and (when it comes) death also. I can't help but consider my own mental health if the worst happened during the pregnancy. Im just going to stay open minded for now and see what happens! I feel in a much bettter place this week, last week I was really panicking!!
  8. Pinkchick - it sounds like your mind is set but you don't want to be the one to say it out loud. Are you close enough with your friend and her husband to have a heart to heart talk among all four of you?
  9. Yes im in Scotland while i feel a lot more relaxed this week, It's still on my mind. im kind of half wishing the decision is made for us rather than the pressure being on me- i.e. Docs saying they don't advise going through with it just now i have also just spoken to another mutual friend who is saying her husband is in denial and saying she's not going to die- is this not recipe for him not coping if she did happen to die sooner? What if he can't cope with the pregnancy/baby then too! The baby would be legally mineduring pregnancy and until registering the birth (uk law) so what am I to do with him/her? Geezo I couldn't put a baby up for adoption!! I really dont know what my gut feeling is as it seems to change he daily!! They are also going through financial worries as they are both not working- should this even be a factor in my thought process? Its hard as I'm not just a surrogate for a couple- it's my friend so I guess I'm more emotionally attached to the situation.
  10. I had a phone chat with my potential IPs this morning. They seem fine. We agree on the big stuff, which is most important. There are a few ~ideals~ of mine that will not be met with this match, but certainly no red flags. I feel confident saying we won't be besties or anything after our journey, but I think we closely match on the important topics and will be able to have a smooth journey. They are leaving tomorrow for a 3-week vacation in Europe. Their clinic does not have a surrogate coordinator, and the nurse who typically processes intake forms is out on maternity leave. So... more hurry up and wait. I may be able to get in for med screening in late July. The IPs are in a super duper big hurry to have children, so I'm hoping for all our sakes that this process goes smoothly. Our agency seems to think if I get cleared medically in July that we can get through contracts in time for an August med start and hopefully transfer in September. A brief google search tells me their clinic likes to do a mock cycle so I'm mentally prepared for an October transfer if every step goes through "on time".
  11. Hello! I am so very sorry to hear about your friend. We are in a similar situation- our intended father has Cystic Fibrosis and although it is not cancer, he has outlived the lifespan that his doctors initially gave him. He will pass away while his little one is still small (we are in our tww, so fingers crossed that we have a bfp on July 3). Ultimately, we decided to give them a chance to have a child. The decision is completely up to you and not an easy one. Either choice you make is hard. Our intended mother knows that at some point, sooner rather than later, she will be raising her child on her own. She loves her husband very much and taken great care of him! She also wants a piece of him to continue to live after he is gone. I understood that and took that to heart. We have all taken this huge step knowing what could happen. I am not telling you this to persuade you in any direction- but just to let you know our thought process in a semi similar situation. None of us know when our time will come- sometimes we just know it will be sooner. Best of luck with your decision and positive thoughts for you friend.
  12. I'm glad you're feeling more positive. Definitely take your time and make sure the decision is right for you. Are you in Scotland? I'm only familiar with surrogacy in United States.
  13. That's great!! Keep us updated
  14. I think that you need to follow your gut. If you don't feel like it's a good idea to move forward, then pull the brakes. I read that you're really concerned about making her dream of motherhood a reality and reconciling that with the idea that she may not live long enough to raise this baby. And while it is true that any of us could die without warning, most of us do no have a diagnosis of incurable cancer. Long story short, it's not your responsibility to make sure that she has a child, even if she's your very good friend. If your conscience can't reconcile moving forward, then you have to do what you feel is right.
  15. Thanks beachalice and traci72...when I go next week, I will mention "checking the ED box" just to be sure.
  16. #1- transferred 1, delivered 1. #2/#3- transferred 2 both times, both failed transfers. History of multiple failed transfers and embryo issues. #4- transferred 2, both took initially but we lost 1 very early on. Delivered 1 baby. #5- transferred 1, blighted ovum. #6- transferred 2, delivered twins. #7- transferred 1, ended in a messed up pg that was that wasn't a pg. #8- transferred 2, failed transfer. #9- transferred 2, failed transfer. #10- transferred 2, failed transfer. #11- transferred 1, 1 delivered 1.
  17. I'm a little concerned about having multiples. I'm really hoping for a single baby since that what I have experience with. Now I know all embryos/transfers/pregnancies are different but I just wanted to see where everyone was at. How many embryos were transferred? And how many babies did you end up carrying?
  18. The Harmony test DOES work for GS/donor eggs and there is a specific box the Dr marks indicating this. I had this done w/this last pg and it was completely accurate. Most surrogates that have an NIPT done, have the Harmony or the Materni21 done because of it either being the IM's egg or an ED. Frankly, your Dr should have known this because this information is available either on the manufacturer's website or by calling them. Even though we knew the Harmony worked in regards to an ED, my Dr still called them to verify what was on their website was accurate. I'm sorry your IP's are out all that $$ for nothing.
  19. That's a bummer!! I have seen on various boards that Harmony is better for surrogates. Were the embryos PGS? I think the Harmony is the same trisomy screening as preimplantation genetic screening. Regardless of the testing, I am so glad to hear you're enjoying the experience. With a great NT scan, it sounds like baby is low risk
  20. I'm super early in my first journey as well. So far I've been open and upfront with the entire experience and have had great reception. It's so exciting and something not many have experience with so I want to try to inform others as I learn.
  21. Thanks! It went great. We seem to be on the same page with everything and really clicked. And we decided to move forward together! I'm currently filling out more paperwork. It's moving quick, which is both exciting and a little crazy
  22. Hello just wanted to circle back and give an update. Maybe this will help another IM or surrogate. Our results from the Panorama test were completely inconclusive with a disclaimer stating their test and lab does not offer testing for Gestational Surrogates or donor eggs. They said it detected a DNA mismatch. I wish our high risk OB would've known this, it would have saved my IM hundreds of dollars. The OB now recommends the "Harmony" test, which I've read online is also not applicable to a GS or Donor Eggs. The office did not do the first trimester blood work either, HCG and PAPP-A, which I thought was part of the blood work the day of the Nuchal Scan, but evidently not. I am scheduled for the Harmony test next week when I'll be 14 weeks. This part is tough. IM and I both fear amnio, so hopefully we won't have to consider that route. I guess we'll see what happens. I understand these are just screening tests, but I don't want to undergo more unnecessary blood work or have my IM have to pay for these if they aren't giving us any data to go on. I am confident that everything is ok, but I know my IM is very scared. Did I mention how awesome it is to be pregnant again! LOL. I'm loving it, so happy I can help someone like this, I get so emotional every time I think of what I'm doing for's just awesome :D
  23. Thank you for your reply beachalice! You make really good points. im literally just getting started with the whole process and need to be referred by my gp to the fertility clinic first, then all the counselling and tests will be started. I feel a lot better about things today. I think they main thing was my husband said 'I'm not sure if this is a good idea' and I just felt like my main supporter wasn't going to be onboard. He has since spoken to my IM and heard things from her perspective and said she made sense. So I felt a weight lifted once he said that. We are just going to all have to be open and talk over any concerns when they come up. Are you able to tell me any more about the test/counselling process? ive researched online and I fit the criteria for U.K. I think the next few months will let us know a bit more about what to expect with my friend's illness in the next few months and years.
  24. Earlier
  25. How very scary for you and your friend. You are not the first potential surrogate to wonder whether her IPs were making the right decision. I can only say that any of us can die in a freak accident any day. We have no idea when our children may need to be raised by a single parent for any number of reasons. I think, personally, it is not up to me to decide whether my IPs will be worthy parents (unless it was obvious they were having children only for the purpose of selling them to the circus or something). Not everyone feels this way, and obviously you need to feel comfortable with your own decision. Some points that stick out to me -in no particular order: you don't YET know how long she has; she may have decades you don't know YET how much treatment may be required what if your friend could live comfortably long enough to see her child be brought into the world? what if your friend's husband only want a piece of his wife to cherish after she's gone and their baby is the only key to his peace? is their family supportive of them using a surrogate? what would you and your husband say if the husband was trying to adopt a baby as a single dad and asked if you'd serve as a character reference? have you done any of the medical or psychological testing required to be a surrogate? do you meet all the legal requirements in your country to be a surrogate? In the end, no one can make this decision for you. You're the one (and your family) who has to live with the outcome of your choice. Best wishes
  26. How did it go??
  27. Whether you use an agency or go through this journey independent is up to how strong you are feeling about tracking down the legal requirements in your state and working with lawyers and escrow companies and your medical team to jump through all the legal hoops to ensure you are named on your child's birth certificate rather than needing to adopt your own child. There's no wrong answer. Many parents enjoy the DIY route and the closeness it brings with their surrogate in that they negotiate the whole way together with their surrogate. Many parents enjoy leaving the legwork to a professional team and the closeness it brings with their surrogate in that they talk only about positive milestones and don't have to talk business directly. Best wishes!
  28. I love that you want to help other families. Like Traci said though, IPs spend near $100,000 per surrogacy journey. Since you have no idea how your body handles pregnancy (many healthy women have unexplained infertility or recurrent miscarriages or incompetent cervix with no known cause), it would not be fair for parents to risk their everything for you to try to carry for them - even if it was not a legal requirement for you to already have children. There are many ways to make a positive difference for families, and I'm confident you'll find some meaningful way to help someone in need.
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