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  1. 1 like
    I think that you need to follow your gut. If you don't feel like it's a good idea to move forward, then pull the brakes. I read that you're really concerned about making her dream of motherhood a reality and reconciling that with the idea that she may not live long enough to raise this baby. And while it is true that any of us could die without warning, most of us do no have a diagnosis of incurable cancer. Long story short, it's not your responsibility to make sure that she has a child, even if she's your very good friend. If your conscience can't reconcile moving forward, then you have to do what you feel is right.
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    A couple of things. #1 is that it IS A REQUIREMENT for a surrogate to have had AND be parenting (or raised/child is an adult on their own now) at least one child. That alone disqualifies you. You have zero idea if you can even get pg, let alone carry a pg w/out issue. IP's are spending 10's of THOUSANDS of $$$ and sometimes HUNDREDS of thousands of $$$ when they get to the point of surrogacy, and to expect them to spend that kind of money on someone who is a risk is selfish, quite frankly. #2, to say that you would be "crushed" if you didn't qualify is a HUGE red flag that you are nowhere even near ready to pursue being a surrogate. You need to remember that surrogacy is NOT about *you* (this means ALL of us in general, not just you specifically) and what you want or that you feel you *have* to be a surrogate, etc. This is about the IP's and their child/ren. This is about creating the least amt of risk for them, the baby and the surrogate. This is about putting someone else's NEEDS before your WANTS, and knowing and being respectful enough to step back if you're not qualified at this time. Trust me, surrogacy isn't going anywhere for a long, long time, so have your family and complete it 1st, then look back into being a surrogate. If you are emotional enough that you'd be "crushed", surrogacy really isn't for you until that has been dealt with. #3, I think your Dr is spot on about talking to someone now, HOWEVER, another REQUIREMENT of surrogacy is that you have to have a psych eval done, and not just by any psych., but by one that is familiar and knowledgeable about surrogacy/3rd party reproduction. You take either the MMPI-2 or the PAI assessment test and meet w/the psych, potentially alone and w/the IP's. (DH and I only had our individual psych evals and did not have to do one w/the IP's as well) Based on your post and the fact that you have not had any children, you would not pass this part right now. This isn't meant to come across harsh (which many people take things wrong when it's not what they want or hope to hear) but to express the seriousness of surrogacy and the importance of meeting and FOLLOWING all of the criteria when looking at becoming a surrogate. You also have to be 21 or older, financially stable, can NOT be on any type of govt assistance (Medicaid, food stamps, housing, etc), have a strong support system in place in addition to the requirements of having given birth/raising that child, psych eval, background checks (some do financial background checks too), medical screening, drug/alcohol/nicotine screening, etc. I would strongly encourage you to take the next several years to do lots of research and have your family, so that when you are qualified to move forward, you'll be a huge asset to the IP's you match with, and be informed enough to help answer some of their questions as they arise. Also, start becoming familiar w/your states laws regarding surrogacy and how they handle things legally, to ensure the parentage is handled appropriately. (there are states out there that don't have specific laws...MN is one...but there ARE legal precedents out there for how the courts handle it. Some states have very limiting laws, borderline making it illegal to be a surrogate, some have incredibly restrictive laws)
  3. 1 like
    I'm excited for you! I'll echo @@Sunrise that it's just a gut feeling. I was suggested a match at first that simply wasn't right for me. I couldn't say why. I couldn't explain it. They simply left me with that "do I have to??" feeling. My next match was the family for me. I loved everything about them and we talked like old friends our first time on the phone. It's a little like dating - or more like interviewing a full time nanny for your baby. If you think you'll have to get a nanny-cam just in case, then ask to be rematched. If you get that giddy feeling like you just got asked to the prom, go with it. Let us know how it goes!!
  4. 1 like
    Hi Daysha. We have been waiting for a long time, about 3 months until we finally found our GC. She is unbelievable. We were matched prior, last year with a women who also was wonderful but she didn't get medical clearance so we needed to start looking for another women from the beginning. Now we can say we are the luckiest couple in the world, as she is perfect, she got her medical clearance so quick and we did legal process so so quick also. Now we have the transfer scheduled by July, 19 and we are so excited and happy about this. I hope you will be matched soon as AHOP will work so hard to make this happen really soon. We wish you lot of luck!!! Please, let us know how your process is going. All the luck for you and everyone. D&J