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  1. 1 point
    It is not the most common to have local IP's to be able to attend appt's, etc w/you and not all IP's WANT to attend birthing classes (or even the appt's for that matter). While it can be nice, there are plenty of ways for IP's to be involved w/out having to be physically present. I'm sure your agency included termination/selective reduction, as those are pretty standard. I would ask about any specific dietary requests/restrictions (some have some pretty out there kinds of requests, other's trust that you know what you should/shouldn't eat and don't request any specific restrictions) and if so, if it's not how you normally eat, are they planning to supplement your monthly allowance (or a separate stipend) to cover the additional costs. Going organic or vegan when you don't normally eat like that can get pretty costly.) What kind of contact to they want/prefer? Phone, text, email, Skype? How often? Daily/weekly/only after appts/etc? Do they want to be present for the birth or are they more comfortable staying in the hall until baby is out and you're covered? (while this is something that's important for me, to have them in there and present, there are some IP's that just don't want to be in during the actual birth and choose to stay out until you're cleaned up a bit) It was important for me, that they have the support of their family. I didn't care if their friends, co-workers knew or not, but I felt it was hugely important for their families to be involved/supportive, because surrogacy is a hard thing and can be emotionally challenging, even at it's best. I wanted to know if they had thought about who would get baby if something happened to them (death/divorce/traumatic accident) and if they were not able to make it to the birth, did they have an idea of who they wanted to step in and care for/make emergent medical decisions for baby until they got there. Do they want or expect BM? If yes, just from you pumping or do they want you to nurse in the hospital or just pump? Are they covering cost of the pump/supplies and are you gifting the BM or expecting them to pay you for it? OH!!! Do they want to know the gender or not. I never thought much about this one because my IP's always wanted to know. HOWEVER...I've seen a set of IP's that did NOT NOT NOT want to know, the GS found out and unintentionally let it slip. The IP's were really upset about it, and while they dealt w/it, it did change their relationship a bit. What kind of contact do THEY want after the birth? Keeping in mind that it really does not matter what we might want as surrogates, it's their baby and their family, and this might be (for many, many different reasons) something that they really do NOT want. You will see more times than not, IP's that "promise" to KIT after the birth, only never to be heard from again. This can be because the relationship went south and is now toxic for them, and not something they want to continue, maybe they just never intended to KIT but promised just to tell the GS what she wanted to hear. Some only want a business relationship and once baby is born, the business is over. I know I have more questions in my head, but this is what popped into it right now....