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traci72 last won the day on October 15

traci72 had the most liked content!

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About traci72

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    new adventures on the horizon

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  • Surrogacy Status
    the next step begins....

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    I have 4 children that are my main interests right now. 2 boys, 20 and 17, and 2 girls, 15yrs and 11 1/2yrs. I'm an avid reader, do volunteer work through both my church and through a local community agency and am now a surrogate coordinator for an agency. I love animals (we currently have 3 cats...for now), family games/card games, meeting people, going to the zoo, and a host of other things.

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  1. Anyone have problems at work?

    What was "funny" was that NOBODY KNEW it was a surrogate pg....or even that I was pg around the time she posted this....UNTIL she put this out and tried to get the members that *she* felt would be bothered by me, to sign it. At least 90+% of the members were offended that the owner wrote this letter and was forbidding me from talking about it, so one gal came up w/a "code". She (and others) would ask me how the "remodeling" was going, when potentially questionable members were in the club. We knew who most of them were, but I found out just a couple of years ago, that the owner offered to waive several months of dues for spying on me....and several did this!
  2. Anyone have problems at work?

    This was the letter she wrote as an apology to the club members about my "offensiveness". (and plug the business)
  3. Anyone have problems at work?

    ....YOU'RE BACK!!!!! So good to see you again!! I had wondered what you were up to. I've never worked in a "professional" setting (I'm not counting working as a surro-coordinator, as I knew that wouldn't be an issue) during any of mine, however, I've had it put my job at risk. Initially my 1st employer (well, employer during 1st surrogacy) was supportive and I was open from the very beginning, before ever even getting to transfer. Once I was open that it was for a same-sex couple, everything changed. She started threatening me that if I cost us members, she would fire me. That I was NOT *allowed* to discuss or mention anything about the pg at all, and that if the members asked me point blank, I was not allowed to respond. I had worked for her for almost 4yrs before this surro-pg, so she knew I was a hard worker and dedicated to the club. It was the most difficult and challenging time there and there were some of her 'friends' that would spy on me, make comments about how I had bills to pay so needed to sell a baby, etc. What I learned from them was to not be as open as what I naturally am. I started keeping things to myself, giving vague answers when asked questions, not referring to gender EVER when asked about the IP's. (my 2nd IP's were IM/IF, so I figured she would finally be ok w/it, but by that point, she was just pissed at me, as well as her own DD was struggling w/infertility) Since that experience, I haven't shared until I was confirmed pg and only if it made a noticeable impact (severe nausea/MS), which was really only w/the job after I left the above horrible one. I told that boss because it was a small family owned business and most of my job was making caramel corn, fudges, truffles, meltaways, etc, and depending on where in the process I was for whatever I was making, someone would have to step in because it was all about the timing of the product. (when the cooker buzzed for the caramel corn, you have to get it IMMEDIATELY or you just burned everything, have to toss it and start all over...way too costly) The fact that you've been through this before gives you more insight of what to expect, which can be helpful in explaining, if you need to. Assuring them that you will do your best to keep the impact to your job at a minimum and they see the hard worker that I know you are, I would hope that would be a positive. And if they try to give you crap.....I'm up for a road trip!!
  4. I was matched today !

    The other 2 gave you a pretty darn good idea of what to expect, so not much I could really add to it. Surrogacy is all about the "hurry up and wait". Sometimes it's for typical things such as matching, screening, contracts, AF to show to start cycling, etc, and other times it's the bumps in the road. The ER takes longer, body doesn't respond to meds, fluid in the uterus or a polyp, chemical pg's or BO's and you have to wait for your beta to drop to get AF to start cycling again....sometimes something unexpected comes up w/either the surro or IP's such as family emergencies, work issues, vacations (traveling to a Zika area delays the transfer by 6mos), etc. When I 1st started out (Nov. 2006), I thought it was like an inside joke or something....and then I learned 1st hand!! LOL! If you expect there to be some "hurry up and wait" and there isn't any, you can consider it a pleasant surprise! I look forward to following your journey!!
  5. Advice wanted please

    In the US, it is a requirement to have and be raising your own children, in order to be a surrogate. (it's not a requirement in the UK) You will find that children are much more accepting and resilient than adults are when it comes to surrogacy. Explaining what surrogacy is, why some people need to turn to surrogacy to build their family, that it is NOT *you* baby but that baby belongs to the family you are helping, on their age level, you'll find that they accept it and move on. When I 1st started, my youngest was 1 1/2yrs old, so of course she couldn't understand anything, but she knew mommy was taking care of M&O's baby for them, though to what level she "got it", I don't know. She has grown up w/surrogacy, so to her, that's how everyone got their babies. She would tell people that you had to go to Canada and a special Dr put the baby in. My oldest was 10yrs old when we 1st started (w/2 other kids in between these 2) and was able to understand what I wrote above. He was even our birth photographer for my 1st 3 surrogate deliveries. He knew that some people couldn't have their own children w/out the help of others, and he felt it was important (as did I) that if you can do something to help someone, that if it's in your power (mentally, physically, etc) and you felt called to do it, then you should. He said it was a "no brainer" for our family to be involved in surrogacy. Granted over the last 10yrs he's had a lot of fun w/it and at my expense (gotta love a teenager that yells in the halls in school that his mother is knocked up by other guys and his dad doesn't mind...), he's also helped explain it and use it to educate others. There are several books that can also help....Sophie's Broken Crayon, The Kangaroo Pouch...that explain surrogacy.
  6. All that SHOULD have been done when preparing for the ER and creating the embryos. When doing surrogacy, all parties should have had med screening which may be a physical, pap, SA for your DH and FDA labs. If all this was done at the creation of the embryos and they have been frozen all this time, there shouldn't be any reason to redo them, unless you need to create new embryos. I would ask for clarification on this and ask why it wasn't brought up before.
  7. How to get started?

    Welcome!! How exciting to be looking at adding another precious baby to the family! #1) You'll find that we have a Classified's section here on AAS where you can either place your own ad, or respond to one that resonates w/you...or both! There are also several matching groups on FB that you can join to try and find the right match. You're just doing all of the legwork yourself as far as background checks, psych evals, attorneys for all parties, medical screening, etc. #2) If the surrogate you match w/does not have a surro-friendly policy, then you will either have to purchase a new policy for her that would cover it, or negotiate a cash-pay option. Often times negotiating the cash pay can get you pretty big discounts. (I've seen up to 60% or even a bit more, depending on provider) Plan policies are going to vary depending on where the surrogate lives. There are a TON of new changes that are taking effect Jan.1, and it's not in our favor. There have been quite a few carriers that have dropped completely from covering surrogate pg's, a number that have added liens against the surrogates compensation (meaning that you would be responsible for any amt "up to" the amt of compensation and only then would that policy cover....potentially) and a number that have literally dropped out completely. Unfortunately open enrollment only goes to Dec.15, depending on what state the surrogate resides in. Some, like MN, are allowing it up until almost the end of Jan. in the Marketplace. #3) There are a number of good agencies and they don't have to be near you. There is a FB group for Surrogate Agency Reviews that is a great resource, as well as using our Search feature here on AAS, and a simple Google search. If you have questions and the other suggestions weren't helpful, then just ask away.
  8. what are big no for GC?

    Not sure what that agency's issue is w/someone that already has children, but they are off base. I've known quite a few surrogates that have carried for IP's that have had several children. Just because one has a child...or several...does not mean that they are any less deserving of having another one. (or 2 or 3...!!) There are some surrogates that prefer to work w/couples that have already had children as they feel they understand more about the pg, etc. I agree w/Beachalice and they should talk to another agency.
  9. Aaaawwww....THANK YOU for coming back to update us all. What a cutie he is! You and your surrogate a both special people, and I'm glad I was able to get to follow along a bit!
  10. Gestational Carrier PSYCH Evaluation

    ***Surrogate360*** You post was not approved as #1 it had zero to do w/this thread, #2 it was not helpful in anyway, shape or form and #3 was pretty insulting to the OP of this thread and those that have responded. In the few posts that you have had, they have either had to be deleted or edited in general and your 'reputation' is not good. For someone that is attempting to run an agency, you are doing very poorly on this board. Based on what I've seen, I have a LOT of concern for any IP's or surrogates that sign up w/you. I am strongly suggesting to you, that you actually READ a post and the responses before you decide to post again and THINK before you hit enter. If you continue to try and post things that are similar to what I have stated in this reply, you will be removed from this site.
  11. beachalice update

    Great update!!! It looks like it's trying to start resolve itself, which would be great! It's nice to hear that it's next to baby and not above baby or behind the placenta. I'm betting it will be completely or almost completely, resolved by the next U/S. Glad to hear about the provider update as well. Fingers crossed this place will be a good fit for you!!
  12. Hopefully DragonDad will pop in and can share his experience. While he's not a single IP, he does work in a somewhat "formal" job and has been through this multiple times. He would definitely have some good insight into this. Personally, I don't think that it's anyone's business to know all or even any details if you don't want to share them. IMO, it's rude to ask personal questions when it comes to family building, and if someone is going to step over that line, they should be prepared to have just as personal questions asked of them right back. Surrogacy is very personal and for some, very difficult to understand. Unless absolutely necessary, I wouldn't share more than necessary in explaining it, unless you have a closer relationship w/a given person and are comfortable w/it. Pretty sure you haven't been digging into your co-workers lives about how and when they are adding children, so it shouldn't be any different for you.
  13. New IPs with surrogate in North California

    Holy Hannah!! That's freaking CRAZY!!! I've seen people comment that the transfer part was around $12-15K, but I never knew if that included the ER as well or not. I've seen IP's that I know that have gone indy and had a range from $40-100+K for everything, so I KNOW there are ways to save costs. I'm thinking that Kaiser just sucks all around for IVF and surrogacy. That right there just ties your hands if it wouldn't work the 1st time. Just insane!!
  14. Birth Plan - Delivery

    Surrogate me- I always wanted to know what my IP's wishes were for the baby, in the event that they didn't make it in time for the birth. Did they want the vit. K shot, eye ointment, any other shots recommended, if it was a boy, what were their circ. wishes? Did they prefer the baby be cared for by the nurses or would they want me to watch over baby? Did they want photos of the birth and if so, were they ok w/me finding someone or did they have someone in mind? Were they ok w/being in the room w/me during labor? During the delivery? What were their hopes/wishes/expectations during our time in the Birthing Center. (including after the delivery) It was important to me, that they understand that I know my own body and how I labor, and that they be ok w/my choice for pain management. (I don't use med's and wanted to make sure that it wasn't something that they would try to push on me) Because it is a whole family endeavor for me and my family, in the beginning, it was important for me, that my children see my IP's w/their child as a family. That they understand what their sacrifices were for and that they helped support these people becoming a complete family and that no, the baby was NOT coming home w/us. (lol) It turned into something that has actually happened w/each delivery, but at the request of my IP's and not me, which I felt was very kind and thoughtful. I wanted to try and include them as much as they were comfortable and as much as possible w/the labor/birth, while still being able to maintain my typical birth "routine", and staying w/in the allowed framework of my Birthing Center. Coordinator me- This is something that I feel an agency can/should help facilitate if the surrogate and/or IP's would like help w/this. It's always something that I hope is discussed during matching and contracts, but sometimes it's not. A coordinator can help open the lines of communication between all parties to help find out what each expects or hopes might happen. Understand that any/all plans need to remain flexible because labors do not always go as planned. We can help explain some of the potential "what-if's" that could arise to the IP's and maybe bring up things that they hadn't thought of. What happens in an emergency c-section? What are their expectations if the surrogate can only have 1 person in there? (in an emergent c-section, NOBODY but medical professional will be allowed in) We can help navigate things w/the hospital/birthing center as needed as well. In some cases, if needed, a coordinator can be present on the sidelines to help where needed. You should feel free to reach out to your agency at any point to help navigate this part if you feel you'd like that help.
  15. New IPs with surrogate in North California

    Everything that is done w/the attorneys can be done remotely via email, phone calls, texts, etc. You want to make sure that they are experienced in 3rd party reproduction, the contract needs to be based in the state that the baby will be delivered in and the attorney needs to be licensed to practice in that state. Other than that, look for one that fits your budget and you feel is on the same page as you/that you feel comfortable with.