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traci72 last won the day on June 21

traci72 had the most liked content!

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About traci72

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    new adventures on the horizon

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  • Surrogacy Status
    the next step begins....

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    I have 4 children that are my main interests right now. 2 boys, 19 and 16, and 2 girls, 13 1/2yrs and 10yrs. I'm an avid reader, do volunteer work through both my church and through a local community agency and am now a surrogate coordinator for an agency. I love animals (we currently have 3 cats...for now), family games/card games, meeting people, going to the zoo, and a host of other things.

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  1. Keeping her and of course you, in my prayers for Monday's appt! Update when you can.
  2. #1- transferred 1, delivered 1. #2/#3- transferred 2 both times, both failed transfers. History of multiple failed transfers and embryo issues. #4- transferred 2, both took initially but we lost 1 very early on. Delivered 1 baby. #5- transferred 1, blighted ovum. #6- transferred 2, delivered twins. #7- transferred 1, ended in a messed up pg that was that wasn't a pg. #8- transferred 2, failed transfer. #9- transferred 2, failed transfer. #10- transferred 2, failed transfer. #11- transferred 1, 1 delivered 1.
  3. The Harmony test DOES work for GS/donor eggs and there is a specific box the Dr marks indicating this. I had this done w/this last pg and it was completely accurate. Most surrogates that have an NIPT done, have the Harmony or the Materni21 done because of it either being the IM's egg or an ED. Frankly, your Dr should have known this because this information is available either on the manufacturer's website or by calling them. Even though we knew the Harmony worked in regards to an ED, my Dr still called them to verify what was on their website was accurate. I'm sorry your IP's are out all that $$ for nothing.
  4. It is not the most common to have local IP's to be able to attend appt's, etc w/you and not all IP's WANT to attend birthing classes (or even the appt's for that matter). While it can be nice, there are plenty of ways for IP's to be involved w/out having to be physically present. I'm sure your agency included termination/selective reduction, as those are pretty standard. I would ask about any specific dietary requests/restrictions (some have some pretty out there kinds of requests, other's trust that you know what you should/shouldn't eat and don't request any specific restrictions) and if so, if it's not how you normally eat, are they planning to supplement your monthly allowance (or a separate stipend) to cover the additional costs. Going organic or vegan when you don't normally eat like that can get pretty costly.) What kind of contact to they want/prefer? Phone, text, email, Skype? How often? Daily/weekly/only after appts/etc? Do they want to be present for the birth or are they more comfortable staying in the hall until baby is out and you're covered? (while this is something that's important for me, to have them in there and present, there are some IP's that just don't want to be in during the actual birth and choose to stay out until you're cleaned up a bit) It was important for me, that they have the support of their family. I didn't care if their friends, co-workers knew or not, but I felt it was hugely important for their families to be involved/supportive, because surrogacy is a hard thing and can be emotionally challenging, even at it's best. I wanted to know if they had thought about who would get baby if something happened to them (death/divorce/traumatic accident) and if they were not able to make it to the birth, did they have an idea of who they wanted to step in and care for/make emergent medical decisions for baby until they got there. Do they want or expect BM? If yes, just from you pumping or do they want you to nurse in the hospital or just pump? Are they covering cost of the pump/supplies and are you gifting the BM or expecting them to pay you for it? OH!!! Do they want to know the gender or not. I never thought much about this one because my IP's always wanted to know. HOWEVER...I've seen a set of IP's that did NOT NOT NOT want to know, the GS found out and unintentionally let it slip. The IP's were really upset about it, and while they dealt w/it, it did change their relationship a bit. What kind of contact do THEY want after the birth? Keeping in mind that it really does not matter what we might want as surrogates, it's their baby and their family, and this might be (for many, many different reasons) something that they really do NOT want. You will see more times than not, IP's that "promise" to KIT after the birth, only never to be heard from again. This can be because the relationship went south and is now toxic for them, and not something they want to continue, maybe they just never intended to KIT but promised just to tell the GS what she wanted to hear. Some only want a business relationship and once baby is born, the business is over. I know I have more questions in my head, but this is what popped into it right now....
  5. Welcome to the Forums! I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful Tela. How difficult that must have been, but to have had that time w/her a blessing. She knows how much she was loved and wanted. I've experienced severe HG myself several times. Certainly no "walk in the park", to put it incredibly mildly. Mine lasted the entire pg w/2 of my own children. W/my 1st, I thought it was my "payment" for the situation I was in and was too scared to "complain" or seek help. I didn't know it wasn't normal because I hid it and didn't say anything about it to anyone. My Dr would question me about the severe weight loss, dehydration, etc, and I would lie because I was afraid it was normal and I just couldn't handle it. Thankfully, w/age comes wisdom and I knew better by the next time. (Dr did DX me w/the 1st one based on her own observations though) Life does suck horribly when going through it though. I did edit the title of your post, only because it read as if you were advertising in the Forums for a surrogate, which is not allowed. asked about finding a surrogate w/out using an agency....we DO have a Classified's section here at AAS where you can choose to either place your own ad or respond to one that you might see. There are also matching groups on FB (I run one of them) as well as Classified's on SMO (surromomsonline) where other's have found matches. Sometimes you can ask your RE if they know of any surrogates that are looking to match, put it out there to family/friends that you are moving towards surrogacy and looking for a GS or you can sometimes contact 3rd party reproduction attorneys and they may be familiar w/surrogates looking to match. On FB, there are often state-specific surrogacy groups that also allow matching, and I do believe there is one for PA. Just some thoughts.
  6. Welcome to the Forums!
  7. A couple of things. #1 is that it IS A REQUIREMENT for a surrogate to have had AND be parenting (or raised/child is an adult on their own now) at least one child. That alone disqualifies you. You have zero idea if you can even get pg, let alone carry a pg w/out issue. IP's are spending 10's of THOUSANDS of $$$ and sometimes HUNDREDS of thousands of $$$ when they get to the point of surrogacy, and to expect them to spend that kind of money on someone who is a risk is selfish, quite frankly. #2, to say that you would be "crushed" if you didn't qualify is a HUGE red flag that you are nowhere even near ready to pursue being a surrogate. You need to remember that surrogacy is NOT about *you* (this means ALL of us in general, not just you specifically) and what you want or that you feel you *have* to be a surrogate, etc. This is about the IP's and their child/ren. This is about creating the least amt of risk for them, the baby and the surrogate. This is about putting someone else's NEEDS before your WANTS, and knowing and being respectful enough to step back if you're not qualified at this time. Trust me, surrogacy isn't going anywhere for a long, long time, so have your family and complete it 1st, then look back into being a surrogate. If you are emotional enough that you'd be "crushed", surrogacy really isn't for you until that has been dealt with. #3, I think your Dr is spot on about talking to someone now, HOWEVER, another REQUIREMENT of surrogacy is that you have to have a psych eval done, and not just by any psych., but by one that is familiar and knowledgeable about surrogacy/3rd party reproduction. You take either the MMPI-2 or the PAI assessment test and meet w/the psych, potentially alone and w/the IP's. (DH and I only had our individual psych evals and did not have to do one w/the IP's as well) Based on your post and the fact that you have not had any children, you would not pass this part right now. This isn't meant to come across harsh (which many people take things wrong when it's not what they want or hope to hear) but to express the seriousness of surrogacy and the importance of meeting and FOLLOWING all of the criteria when looking at becoming a surrogate. You also have to be 21 or older, financially stable, can NOT be on any type of govt assistance (Medicaid, food stamps, housing, etc), have a strong support system in place in addition to the requirements of having given birth/raising that child, psych eval, background checks (some do financial background checks too), medical screening, drug/alcohol/nicotine screening, etc. I would strongly encourage you to take the next several years to do lots of research and have your family, so that when you are qualified to move forward, you'll be a huge asset to the IP's you match with, and be informed enough to help answer some of their questions as they arise. Also, start becoming familiar w/your states laws regarding surrogacy and how they handle things legally, to ensure the parentage is handled appropriately. (there are states out there that don't have specific laws...MN is one...but there ARE legal precedents out there for how the courts handle it. Some states have very limiting laws, borderline making it illegal to be a surrogate, some have incredibly restrictive laws)
  8. Oh no, I know what all is done, they've just never called it that here. I've had all 4 done (including on a set of twins) by a perinatologist, and the only reference ever made to the procedure is strictly an "NT scan". Bloodwork, reports, etc are always done. Just shows that different Dr's/hospitals/clinics can call things by different names. It does make it confusing though, when talking to others, when it's not referred to by what the common name/procedure is. That's why I was initially confused. So glad to hear that all went well (I knew it would!!) and that you got to see baby jumping around. That's always the exciting/fun part!!
  9. I've never heard of an NT being referred to as an "ultrascreen", and personally wouldn't classify it as that, but it's just a more indepth U/S looking for specific markers for DS and certain trisomies. It cannot detect NTD's at all, but when the NT is combined w/the blood test, it's pretty accurate for assessing the risk at least of DS. I've had one w/every single surro-pg and it is actually something that is routinely recommended in MN, and age (depending on clinic/hospital) has not been a factor. The clinic I go to for all our family care, OB, etc, recommends it to ALL their pg patients, including those young one's....late teens/early 20's. It is ONLY a screening scan though and NOT a diagnostic test, so it can still come back w/an elevated risk (I've seen this happen quite a few times, and not just to surrogates), so if that happens, don't freak out just yet! They would still require an amnio or other diagnostic test to confirm. We had a younger mom at my church who's NT came back looking as if her baby had DS and she was so freaked out. They did an amnio and it showed that baby was perfectly healthy, so "scares" can still happen. For me though, it was a nice chance to just see how baby was developing and growing since the last scan, and just reassuring to see those movements, etc. I'm sure that the NT will go just fine, but please do come back and update us!!
  10. Hopefully we will, if the new update supports it!!
  11. July 2 is my DD#1's b-day, so it's a lucky day! We have one of our surrogates that has been waiting for AF to start so they can get moving again. Originally the NC mentioned June, but I think she's more likely to be a July transfer as well.
  12. I believe she said the universal is, but not sure how to go about getting the reimbursement policy. I'll email them and ask.
  13. I LITERALLY JUST sat through a teleconference this afternoon about this!! You can only have a "secondary" policy if your primary policy has no surrogacy exclusion or ambiguous wording. It would only be able to be used if the primary ended up denying a claim or if you had to go out of network. Then the secondary policy would be activated. If the primary policy has a surrogacy exclusion, then you would have to get a universal policy, a reimbursement (which works whether you have Tricare, cash pay, HMO/EPO and creates a stop-loss for the IP's. More flexible but $$$) policy or a bridge the gap policy which is very temporary. Tricare and Kaiser specifically, are considered 2nd party payers and they consider the IP's as "primary" payer and will place liens on the compensation. In CA, they are maxed at 49% of the comp, but all other states do not have this limit. Kaiser is subjected to a limit of 2yrs that they can go back and rescind payments, however, Tricare has NO limit on how long they can come back after you. They can initially agree on what they consider to be "reasonable" expenses (for example, $8500) and then decide that it is no longer reasonable (say baby is in the NICU and costs are now $120+k) and come after you for additional funds. For our surrogates, if they have an exclusion, we get them a primary policy and I contact the business office to make sure that they are aware of needing to bill this policy only, and then arrange payments for what is not covered by insurance. For myself and another current surrogate w/us, we had no exclusions. I did not accept a secondary policy because of my previous experience and our specific policy (along w/written statements from insurance that they WILL cover a surro-pg fully) but the other surro's IP's did put a secondary policy in place for her. The initial was about $2000, and unless they need to activate it for some reason, they won't pay more than that. I did learn a little about the difference between self-funded plans and "trust & welfare" plans (never knew about the latter), which boils down to how they are administered. The trust & welfare fires a 3rd party to administer the claims and has a significantly higher rate of denials for things that are NOT exclusions either! There is a lot more legwork in trying to deal w/this type of plan, to get things covered as stated.
  14. Also (and this is more for any lurkers or newbies) it's important to remember that it 1000% doesn't matter if embryos are PGD/PGS tested normal, other than chromosomally normal. (meaning the correct # of chromosomes) PGD/PGS testing looks at a very small number of more common disorders and that's it. Testing "normal" doesn't mean that the embryo is viable/healthy or doesn't have any number of other disorders. For example, one of my children has a disorder that is hereditary. It's not necessarily life threatening, but there is greater risk for specific cancers that require early and somewhat aggressive screening. There is a 50% chance of passing it along as well. It is something that you can PGD/PGS test for, but if you didn't know about this syndrome, it's not something that you'd test for. Testing for anything additional to what is "routinely" screened for is also an additional cost and I know that varies depending on the specific testing. I know a sweet IM that has transferred many, many times w/PGD/PGS tested normal embryos, and every transfer has failed. Then again, you can take some ugly looking embryos and they turn into the cutest babies ever!!! DEFINITELY agree w/the SET!!!! (multiples are no joke!) As for the testing, for me, unless there was a history of failed transfers and everything else was perfect, I'd consider as a way to exclude embryos that are unquestionably abnormal, but still know that it may not work.
  15. A good friend of mine who used to be really active on here (many moons ago) had to do this. Her state only allows it up to 'x' age, and by the time they had the confirmation as to baby's condition, it was already pushed to the limit. She had to fly to NY to have it done, I don't remember off the top of my head exactly how many weeks she was, but enough to have to travel for it. I drove out to take care of her the weekend she flew back and helped her out w/her kids. I felt so bad for all she had to go through, and def. NOT something that one tends to think of.