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Everything posted by traci72

  1. Single man looking for surrogacy?

    I don't think there's more to be said as far as trying to help advise you through this process at all. Good luck w/your endeavors.
  2. The link seems to no longer go straight to the story, but tries to get you to subscribe to the site, so here is a c/p of the article.... Hundreds of Australian children born overseas through commercial surrogacy arrangements have been left without legal parents, following a decision of the full Family Court. The ruling has prompted calls for urgent legislative change so that children are not left in a legal limbo — and potentially stateless. The case in question involved an Australian couple, known as “Mr and Mrs Bernieres” who travelled to “Country T” and entered a commercial arrangement with a surrogate mother. In 2014, a girl was born — the product of Mr Bernieres’ sperm and an egg from an anonymous donor. The fetus had been carried by the surrogate mother. The couple had been unable to conceive naturally because Mrs Bernieres suffered from poor egg quality and low egg reserve. The couple, who have been raising the girl, now 3, in Melbourne, applied to the Family Court for a declaration that they were her legal parents. In a decision published last week, three judges of the court ruled the couple were not her legal parents, despite Mr Bernieres being her biological father. This is because the commonwealth Family Law Act leaves it to state and territory legislation to determine the status of children born under surrogacy arrangements. Mr and Mrs Bernieres were not recognised as parents under the Victorian legislation because, like all states, it does not recognise children born via commercial surrogacy arrangements. “The unfortunate result of that conclusion is that the parentage of the child here is in doubt ...” the judgment says. “There is no question that the father is the child’s biological father, but that does not translate into him being a parent for the purposes of the Act. Further, the mother is not even the biological mother, and thus is even less likely to be the ‘legal parent’.” Previously, there was inconsistency as to whether individual judges would recognise the parentage of children born via commercial surrogacy arrangements. This was the first time the full Family Court had ruled on the issue. The three judges, Chief Justice Diana Bryant, Steven Strickland and Judith Ryan, said it was not open to the court to fill the “legislative vacuum” that existed for children born via overseas commercial surrogacy arrangements; this needed to be fixed by legislation. In doing so, the judges upheld an earlier decision of judge David Berman, who gave Mr and Mrs Bernieres responsibility for caring for the child but not a declaration of parentage. Justice Berman said he could well understand the couple’s dismay because they were “not able to secure for all purposes that which they fervently seek, namely, recognition and a declaration of parentage”. “There is a clear need for urgent legislative change,” he said in the 2015 judgment. He had no doubt about the couple’s “overarching love” for the girl, and their “ability, capacity and intention” to fulfil her needs — but he had “significant misgivings” about the surrogacy process and the “disturbing” terms of the couple’s contractual arrangement with the surrogate mother. Surrogacy Australia president Robert Reith said urgent change was needed to provide certainty to children and parents. “The law absolutely needs a review and to be brought up to date with modern standards,” Mr Reith said. “It’s outrageous.” Barrister Robin Smith, who acted for Mr and Mrs Bernieres, said the only option for them was to apply to adopt the child but this would be a very difficult process. “Unfortunately they have now fallen through the cracks of the state and commonwealth legislation, which means they really don’t have any remedy,” he said. Dr Smith said that while they could make key decisions for the girl, including those relating to her medical care and schooling, because they had been given responsibility for her care, she would not necessarily be recognised as their child when it came to inheritance, and if they separated or divorced, they might not be able to be forced to provide child support. Family lawyer Stephen Page has also said the full Family Court decision could impact on whether the Department of Immigration will recognise children born via overseas surrogacy arrangements as Australian citizens. In NSW, Queensland and the ACT, it is illegal for individuals to enter into overseas commercial surrogacy arrangements. It is estimated that about 250 babies a year are born overseas via surrogacy arrangements to Australian couples.
  3. 26 Weeks!

    I'm glad you popped back in for an update!! It sure is going by quickly! I have seen varying degrees of this behavior, depending on nationality, religion, or just plain fear. I've known a couple of surrogates who's IP's wouldn't even buy car seats, diapers, NOTHING, until AFTER the babies were born. I think the 2 most common situations I've seen, are in the case of religious customs and fear. I know it can be hard to open up and let your guard down, when you've been through multiple losses, years of trying and no success (either themselves or w/other surrogates). It's hard for us as surrogates, because we want to share in the joy and excitement w/our IP's, but when they don't allow themselves to experience it, it feels like we can't either. The best you can do is just follow their lead. As far as the PBO, that's not something that they really can put off w/out potentially risking additional legal expenses. Has she thought of recording her voice, maybe reading stories or sharing stories about themselves and having you play them to your belly? That might help her feel a bit of a connection before the birth.
  4. itsonlyk

    That is AWESOME to hear!!! What a relief and load off of your shoulders. One less thing for you to have to stress about now. I'm so, so happy you passed!!
  5. finally my turn!

    That's so great to see some real forward movement!! I understand what you're saying about the errors and such. I can also appreciate them moving quickly, but I sometimes wonder if it doesn't just create more work in the long run. Maybe...create your (attorney) own template regarding surrogacy, and then address any wording changes in that. Seems like that would be a bit easier and would be quicker to make any changes. exciting that you are just that much closer!!!! You'll totally be knocked up before you know it!
  6. Surrogacy in Utah

    This is one of our surrogates and her IP's, and what they are dealing w/in UT right now....
  7. itsonlyk

    Ugh, I'm so sorry you have to go in tomorrow. Crossing everything I can and sending low # vibes your way!! I know it's gotta be frustrating for you. I do hope that everything else is going well for you. I can't believe you're already in the 3rd tri!! It's funny how it's just flying by for me....heehee. You're doing a great job though, and I'm so happy you popped in to update us!
  8. 2nd transfer

    That's an AWESOME number!!!! Huge congrats to you!!! I'm so excited and happy for you!
  9. Surrgoates outside the U.S.

    Again, you show yourself to have done very little research and it seems you're happy to cherry pick the stories that don't even remotely represent surrogacy and are not paying attention to WHY these excuses for surrogates moved. The 2 cases that you've chosen to "highlight" are very specific to them choosing to break their contract because of things they agreed to (giving the parents the right to make the choice on to terminate or not, due to specific reasons) in their contracts, and then decided they didn't feel like doing. If you're actually doing your research, you'll see that this is NOT common at all, and those surrogates also, having breeched their contracts, had financial liabilities they were responsible for. You also clearly show your lacking of research in regards to Canadian surrogacy and how it works. I will again, very strongly, suggest that you do some ACTUAL research....READ THESE FORUMS, READ in FB groups, actually use Google for good research and not just stories to try and argue with, and talk to people that have done it and KNOW what they are talking about. Surrogacy is huge in Canada, and trust me, those women ARE getting getting compensated. They call it "reimbursement", however, it adds up to the equivalent of what many US surrogates get. Hell, I know Canadian surrogates whose reimbursements were well above anything I've gotten in comp here in the US. And if you are ignorant, again, enough to believe that you'll get out of an international surrogacy for a paltry "$35-45K", you, sir, are delusional.
  10. Surrgoates outside the U.S.

    I can count on one hand, literally, the number of agencies that demand this much up front. The vast majority of them do NOT have that requirement and have significantly lower agency fees, and again, one does NOT HAVE TO GO THROUGH AN AGENCY. You are very clearly arguing to try and justify wanting to use more questionable places to do surrogacy, and I can tell you, intentionally going to those countries is not supported or encouraged here. Your research is also lacking if you truly think you will have legal protection in the Ukraine or other countries, so good luck w/that. You seem to have your mind made up, so there is nothing more to try and explain to you or help you understand.
  11. Surrgoates outside the U.S.

    There was no confusion. I knew exactly what you meant. However, those women are still financially vulnerable and yes, it is not only taking advantage of them and exploiting them, but in many cases they have to leave their homes and communities to be a surrogate, and have to hide it, or at the very least, not talk about it. Those women can be ostracized and run out of their communities/villages. There are ZERO....and in case you didn't catch that...ZERO "0" protections for the IP's. Thailand, Nepal, Mexico, even the Ukraine, those women can refuse to hand that baby over, and THEY are legally protected. You are your child's 1st advocate, ever. How can one justify that they were willing to put their child's health, legal standing and even their life at risk (and yes, feel free to do a search here and you'll read the heartbreaking story of a woman whose newborn son DIED in another country. They cremated him, blackmailed her for his ashes, and they weren't even all his ashes! They gave her WOOD ashes!!), just to save a few bucks? And if you actually do any indepth research, you'll see that you will NEVER leave another country w/your child for the "little" amt you get quoted. You'll be paying bribes and blackmail to the clinics/Dr's, to the local law enforcement, etc. I can even tell you the story of IP's that went to another country for surrogacy, weren't allowed to really know what was going on, was told when their baby was born and then flew out. They "met" the woman that carried their baby, but she was NOT ALLOWED to communicate w/them. They found out that the money they paid for her housing (the surrogates are forced to live in dormatories and dictated to when they sleep, wake up, what they eat, what activities they are allowed to do, etc. Much like a jail) was taken a 2nd time out of her comp she was supposed to get! It was an accident that they found out, but it cut significantly into what the woman should have gotten. Because of this experience, they came to the US to pursue surrogacy in a more ethical and safe environment as well as one that offered the parents legal protections. (their 1st child is preschool age and they still do NOT have actual "legal" custody....they are forced to adopt their child and they are STILL waiting on the courts there to do it) If you truly think that this is a "mutually beneficial" arrangement, then all I can say nicely, is that you need to do a ton more research as well as soul searching for something ethical.
  12. How much would you pay a private TS?

    Many surrogates have surro-friendly insurance and an additional policy would not be necessary. This would be something you would need to make known immediately, whether placing your own ad or when looking at ad's. If an ad doesn't specify, this would be one of the very 1st things you ask before trying to actually match.
  13. Surrgoates outside the U.S.

    Go to Canada. That's the only other suggestion you will get that doesn't exploit and take advantage of these "less fortunate" women, as well as breaking the law or putting any potential baby at great risk, which is a pretty shitty thing for someone to want to do. Is surrogacy expensive? Unfortunately yes. Is using an agency required? No, but that only saves you $5-30K in the long run.
  14. How much would you pay a private TS?

    Place or answer ad's in the Classified's here or on SMO. Join matching groups on FB. Let family and friends know you're looking, there might be someone that would love to help you. And yes. You are financially responsible for everything. The surrogate's comp, lost wages, maternity clothes, all medical treatments/cycling leading up to an IVF transfer or IUI if a TS, child care, all medical care and insurance is she needs a surro-friendly policy, psych evals and med screening for both of you. All legal framework from contracts to parentage proceedings. (you are required/responsible for an attorney for yourself as well as a SEPARATE attorney for the surrogate). Any invasive procedures or testing done, U/S's, bed rest if required....and the list goes on. You are looking at at least $60-100+K for a surrogacy journey.
  15. IPs are moving

    That's so great! And please feel free to send me your 80 degree days...we're having more and more in the 60's and I'm not happy about it!!
  16. Mikey112

  17. Surrogacy queries

    We can not advise you because you are in the UK and your laws are vastly different there. If you do a simple Google search, you will find lots of answers. I did a simple Google search for you "traditional surrogacy laws in the UK" and have come up w/the following. I would strongly urge you to slow down and do an enormous amt of your own research before even remotely moving forward. You should also contact COTS as well as an attorney for legal advice about your proposed arrangement, legal implications and attempting home insems.
  18. ** I have posted your question here so that others may see/respond to it. Trying to post something for yourself in someone else's thread is a sure fire way for it to get lost/overlooked/missed. If you're not sure which forum would best suit any particular question, you can post it in the forum that you feel fits it best, and if I or a mod think it would be better served in a different forum, we can move it for you. ** Hi, I am new here. I am an IP who is in the contract phase with our GC. The lost wages is tough because my GC is a substitute teacher at her children's school. This presents several issues because substitutes are paid on an as-needed basis which is determined every morning if and when teachers call in sick. There are no certainties. With the exception of filling in for a teacher on maternity leave (long-term sub who usually has a teaching background), there is no guaranteed income. It changes by the day. Does anyone have any ideas or recommendations as to how we could get documentation and /or verification of her opportunity to work each day? But for the pregnancy, and bed rest, she would have had the opportunity to work on that specific day... Our attorneys are even stumped because substitute teachers have no guaranteed earning, nor a certain number of days they will definitely work each week, much less a month. It all depends on if the school needs a substitute teacher on any given day. When the school needs a substitute to fill in, they contact her the morning of to see if she is available. Any ideas or advice would be greatly appreciated!!
  19. One thought that comes to mind, is that if there is some reason as to why she couldn't work (unless Dr ordered bed rest, pg is not a reason/excuse to not work), she ought to be able to get a brief note/email, some type of communication from the school or the school board, that she was called in to work and had to pass it up. There are always ways to find to document things, and I can't imagine them just refusing for no good reason. (though I suppose anything can happen) "If GS is called in on any day for substitute teaching and is unable to accept due to Dr restrictions or ordered bed rest, then GS shall be required to provide documentation of such request made by a school. Documentation should be in the form of a written note or email listing date GS was requested to fill in and was unable to do so." Or something like that. As a GS, I would have happily tried to do this in a heartbeat, if I felt I needed lost wages.
  20. More in my small town?

    I tell you, surrogacy is a small world!!
  21. IPs are moving

    Great news!
  22. New here: Here is my story

    You would have to be a British citizen and I believe married, though please do NOT quote me on that!! There is a UK surrogacy group on FB called "The Forum", that I would very highly suggest you check out for the most current/correct up to date info about it.
  23. Maximum gestational surrogate age

    Unless you have been a GS w/in the last couple of years, chances are that you will not be approved by an RE to carry at 45. While there are surrogates in their 40's (I myself just delivered my last surrogate pg the end of January at age 44), all have either recently delivered (w/in the last 1-4yrs) their own or a surrogate baby. The "exceptions" to the rule on this would be if you were carrying for your DD, a niece, relative of some sort. Unfortunately, unless there is more than what you've shared, I'm sorry to say that you're odds of being turned down is almost a guarantee. *I work as a program coordinator and none of the RE's that we work with would approve you on age alone right now.
  24. New here: Here is my story

    The vast majority of info on this site is for the US and Canada. There have been a few over the years that have shared their experiences in the UK. As far as that goes, if you read the threads, you'll see a LOT of warnings and little to no support for going to other countries, and we do not promote doing so on this site. This includes countries such as the Ukraine, Thailand, Mexico, Georgia, Russia, etc.