I had been having contractions through the night on Thursday but nothing in a serious pattern. On Friday morning they had settled into a pattern of about 10 minutes apart so we got ready to go to the parents' so that we could labor at home with them for a while before heading in. We got there and the contractions were already 4 minutes apart so we decided to just come in to be checked. When we got here I was 4cm, we spent the next 2 hours walking and bouncing on the ball, got checked again and I was a 5. At this point I decided to get an epidural because I knew that the baby was in a "bad" position, something I had been working to fix all week, so we would be laboring for hours trying to fix it.
After getting the epidural I dilated to 10cm within 2 hours and was ready to push. I pushed for 2 hours and then decided to try side lying to get her into a new position. After resting for about 30 minutes I went back to pushing and had pushed for another 2 hours before we finally started seeing her actually move down and we thought she had re-positioned herself finally. So, after 6 hours of pushing they finally called in the doctor to get things ready but right as they did, something went wrong.
The doctor came in as the baby had a heart deceleration (her second, she had one much earlier and recovered right away) and as she had her decel I started feeling very sick, suddenly I went from being "gung-ho" on pushing and getting her out to being unable to move at all. They rolled me from side-to-side to get her heart rate back up but it wasn't working. They placed an internal monitor on her head to check that they had her pulse right and declared that we needed to go for an emergency c-section. I knew something was very, very wrong, I was apologizing to everyone and then begging the doctor not to let me die.
They got me to the c-section room and DH was going to come in with me and they decided that he couldn't. I couldn't move at all, I just kept asking the anesthesia guy to save me and the baby. He put me to sleep completely. They pulled the baby out and she was limp and not breathing. They pulled my uterus out and found a giant puddle of blood, it turns out that it had split up the back. I ended up with a hysterectomy (they left my ovaries) and needed 7 pints of blood, your body holds 5 from what I have been told, so my entire circulatory system was drained of it's blood. Poor DH stood outside of the operating room for 4 hours watching them run in and out with blood, because they ran out in the actual operating room, and machines but no one would tell him anything about what was going on because they weren't sure at that point.
So, there you have it, my birth story. The baby is (perfectly) healthy and I am too, and I couldn't be more thankful that we both are... this isn't the way that these stories usually end. I have had 4 doctors come up just to see me and tell me how shocked they are that we did so well, even the anesthesiologist came to see us so that he could tell me how awful it was to hear me say "don't let us die." It's been a crazy ride, I tell ya. Honest to goodness, I felt it happening, I knew the second that the baby had her decel that we weren't going to make it. I could feel us dying. Now losing my uterus is honestly a bit easier because when it is a choice between that and my life... easy choice.
Today I am feeling really sad. I had planned another journey with my FIF's to complete their family and now that cannot happen... I feel like my dreams are dead and I don't know what the heck to do with myself now. The sadness will pass with the hormones, I am sure. I have always been a huge advocate of saying if you aren't done with your own family you shouldn't be a surrogate, now I am the living proof. I am thankful that we were happy with our own family or I cannot imagine how this would be for me.