I too am an IM and I think if you feel that future contact with you SM is in any way going to make you feel bad or inadequate, then I think you have some issues to deal with before you do surrogacy.
I totally agree with Karen.
“I took several years out of my life and devoted it to their family...and it warms my heart to see the results of that.”
This says it perfectly. A surro gives you a gift that is so precious, a gift that no words can articulate the way it makes you feel, how can you not want this person in your life? After everything you go through and the time you spend communicating and developing a bond, how can you feel jealous? Of what? You choose the SM to work with. This person has made your dream come true.
This is just my opinion Im not trying to make you feel bad or like your being attacked. That is not my intent.