Welcome to AAS!
I am an IM and live in Missouri. My husband and I are what I would consider middle class. I'm a teacher and my husband is a state employed therapist, and we're only 25 and 27. Our situation was a little different though. We did not plan on going through this process for at least another 5 years due to financial reasons. Previously, we thought we would have to find (and "hire") a GS. However, it turned out that my mom has graciously offered to be our surrogate. This sped up the process quite a bit... much more than we were financially prepared for. So we started the "Dave Ramsey" plan. In my opinion it's saving money on steriods. We ended up saving almost 70% of our monthly income and still paid off a car and kept up with our mortgage and other bills. We made it an EXTREME priority for about a year and when all was said and done we saved about $30,000.
I was able to use my own eggs, so I didn't have the donor expense, but we had to pay for IVF (with ICSI) which was about $15,000. We also had to get a contract, but because we didn't have to negotiate anything really we only got one attorney so that was $500. But other than that, we have had it really easy. I know these ladies have already said that the costs can vary so much... and I HATED that answer whenever I was looking in to things but it really is the truth. There are so many variables that can impact price that no one can give you the answer your looking for unless they went to the EXACT same clinic and need the exact procedures your journey will require.
The best advice I can give you is to talk to a clinic. Most often that requires you to set up a meeting and what not. Most likely, with surrogacy you will not be able to hand your wife a spreadsheet detailing all expenses. So far we've paid about $16,000 but our first attempt didn't work so we'll try again... which is more money. And we still haven't achieved a successful pregnancy yet, so it doesn't include the doctors visits, clothes, hospital, etc. The good thing though is that you don't have to fork over all the money at once.
I guess my best advice to you is that you have to decide with your wife if this is the path you want to take and commit to it with every bone in your body. It was a hard choice for us, because we weren't sure if it would be a possibility for us for financial reasons. But like the ladies said before me, if you want it to work you will find a way... it might suck, and it might not even seem practical at the time, but we've gotten to the point that we can't really put a price on a baby that's delivered by my best friend (my mom).
I really hope that you and your wife come to a decision you're both happy with and feel like you will be able to achieve!!! Good luck and keep us posted!