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mom2four

Affairs

If you were friends ....   103 members have voted

  1. 1. If you were friends ....

    • Yes
      72
    • No
      3
    • It depends
      28

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30 posts in this topic

If you and DH Were friends with a couple. One that you were close to. And you found out that their marriage was the product of an affair would you still be friends with them?

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Sounds weird....I would unless I felt like they were both still cheaters and had an influence on my marriage.

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Case to case for me...............

 

I CAN say, however, that we do have friends that have had affairs and I do feel differently about their marriage and such as a whole.

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I answered yes and here is why.

If you are friends with someone - be their friend. The past is in the past and it is none of your business. I want to say that in NO WAY do I support someone having an affair. I personally think that is a nasty thing to do to someone. :soapbox:

However the way you asked the question sounds like you just found this information out. You are already this couples friend. How can you justify not being their friend now? Your friend trusted you enough to divulge this information to you. I am sure she does not want to be judged based on this. She probably has already been crucified over this by others.

I dont mean to sound hard on you but how their relationship started has nothing to do with you or the people they are now. JMO :wub:

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I would still be frineds with them. If i didn't know before and we were close I woudln't end a friendship over something like that. My best friend had an affair and yes it did change our friendship but I was also friends with her hubby. when her and her hubby finally split and she was with the guy she had been cheating with I tried to be supportive becasue she was so happy, was I happy about it NO but we had been friends for so long and she was with the person she wanted to be with so i sucked it up and was there. My parents are divorced because my dad couldn't keep it in his pants so cheating is a major sore spot with me, but like i said if we were close and found out after the friendship started I woudln't stop being friends

 

 

Nichole

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Not all affairs are as you see on tv.

 

I agree it would be case to case.

 

I myself HAD an affair, but hubby and I worked it out and are closer because of it.. crazy and messed up but true.

(long long story)

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My best friend and her hubby met while both were married.... Course, she left him for someone else and moved out of town, so no more friend. *sigh* I don't condone it, but we clicked on other levels. That was what mattered to me.

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I said yes because there was obviously something that drew you to these people before you found out and made you want to be friends with them. It would be like if you found out something shocking about a friend that she had done in the past. I don't think it makes you love them any less because you love them for who they are not what (or who!) they have done. I might be disapointed to find that out but it would not change my friendship.

 

Now, the only thing that would change my friendship with them is if one of them started to try and come on to one of the parties in my relationship. That is no good!

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Case by case, but I do know of some aquaintences that have fooled around on their spouses and it makes me uncomfortable to be around them.

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btw, I actually run a support group to help "recovering cheaters" and those that have been cheated on..

 

It's sad to see so many people joining all the time, but they are healing...

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i said it depends, only because if i found out they were trying to sleep wiht my husband, but obviously if they are happy then you know im sorry they had an affair, and it all just depends.

 

I too had problems w/infidelity in my first marriage, it is something that depends on your mindset too, i always drank alot back then, so alcohol controlled alot of my decisions, most people that i share my past w/are totally shocked!!!! now i have been married for 5 great years and have four kids that keep me busy and I am way happy.

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my mom had an "emotional" affair.. well I guess it involved kissing too.... and my mom is the most religious person around.

Well my parents story is a long one.

I guess my mom says she got married to get away from her family.. to be on her own in a sense and claims she never really loved my dad. Well after awhile she felt ignored.. they tried counseling, didn't work.. blah blah blah..

I think she mentioned she finally wanted a divorce. My dad fought it and tried counseling again.. then agreed to it. Went online and did some dating before any of it was final.

It was weird, I Had moved home during dh's 2nd deployment and my mom was still living there, but my dad was dating...

and now I have a step mom.

And my mom lives at my house.

 

Anyway, it's hard to judge someone on the fact that they had an affair. I certainly don't condone them or reccomend them at all!! But you never know the full story.

My mom's an awesome person and for someone to not be friends with her because of her "affair" would be sad..

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I answered 'yes'. I know of someone whose husband was so terrible and mentally abusive that she did look for love & validation elsewhere. I don't condone affairs, but it's hard to be critical of her knowing the turmoil her husband put her through. Everyone deserves to have someone appreciate them. Its' just sad that it wasn't the man who promised to do that for her.

 

We all make mistakes. If I am going to be defined by my past, then I'm in deeeeep doggie doo-doo, because I've made some pretty dumb choices in my life. Some recently, some a long time ago.

 

I say that we should try to remove the beam out of our own eyes before we try to take the splinters out of someone else's (to quote a well-known saying from the Bible).

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my marriage is the product of any affair but this one has lasted 12 times as long as my first so.......????

 

I guess it all depends. I dont think I would stop being friends with someone if I had found out they had an affair in the past.

 

However, we did have friends, the Dh then had an affair. We dont really talk with him much any more as he distanced himself from all his old friends.

 

Case by Case. Just because someone had an affair does not make them a bad person.

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I would still be friends. I trust my husband completely. I had something similar happen to me. When I met my husband and all his friends I became really close with my husbands best friends wife. We got so close. Then about 6 months in to the relationship. I found out that her and my husband( boyfriend at the time) had ,had a affair on her husband. Before I was in the picture. And they felt like I should know their history. Even though it didn't affect me now. And Ron ( the best friend had forgiven them). I felt weird. My now good friend slept with the man I love. And was married to his best friend. I took a couple of days to let it all sink in. And thought........ she married Ron, she is telling me this because she cares about how it will make me feel, And I like her. I liked her before she told me why not now. She soon became the maid of honor in my wedding and my coach in lamaze. There were times I saw that she still had feelings for Gary. But she never acted on them. I trusted my husband as well. Plus.....I AM BETTER!!!

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