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Guest christie1118

New IP via TS...Need help, advice...etc

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Guest christie1118   
Guest christie1118

Hi :) I'm a new member here, my name is Christie and I am the 34 year old mother of two daughters, ages 10 and 8. I have been married to my DH for four years and he has no bio children of his own...he loves the girls very much and has been around for half of their lives, but he is beginning to feel as tho he's missing out on something very special by being present for the birth and the first few years of a child's life. I think the biological connection is also very very important to him so we want to explore TS first. I have had to have a hysterectomy due to some complicated issues....I've also lost both ovaries....

 

My sister has agreed to be a TS for us. We are worried about the financial aspect of things...will her medical insurance cover her pregnancy treatment and birth of the baby? How does that work? What are the most cost effective insemination options? Naturally, my hubby and I will be taking care of any and all out of pocket expenses but it would be wonderful if her health insurance at least covered the pregnancy ya know?

 

My sis and I are extremely close...always have been...she has two little boys, ages 2 and 2 months. She agreed to do this for us years ago but since she had not had any children of her own at that time, I asked everyone to wait until she and her hubby had a baby first....Not too mention our marriage was still new and it's usually a good idea to make sure things are "solid" before adding to the family..I hope that makes sense...I just had a horrible divorce with a very abusive man and then my DH and I got married shortly after the divorce, it just wasn't the right time to have a baby. Two years later, my sis got pregnant with her first child....she did beautifully thru the pregnancy and delivery.....my DH and talked again and again decided to wait just a bit.....now my sis just gave birth to her second child and they have decided they are completely finished adding to their immediate family. Now I feel a bit more secure in allowing her to be a TS for us. I never would have forgiven myself if something had happened during a TS pregnancy that caused her not to be able to have any more children of her own...Anyway, I digress, sorry :)

 

Bascially, she thinks it will be best for her to view this pregnancy as if the child is not hers at all....she wants to view it as an IVF with my egg and DH's sperm...of course that can't happen since I have no eggs but she thinks it may be easier for her not to form such a strong "motherly" bond with the child if she views it that way from the beginning. I am soooooooooooooooo scared that she will regret this.....she says she knows it can/will be hard but she is willing to do it for us because she loves us unequivocably and she thinks I'm a wonderful mother and that DH is an awesome step dad and will make a fabulous father.

 

We are fortunate in that we have used the same OB/GYN for years.....he is the one that delivered both of my children as well as both of hers...he is also the one that went thru my cancer treatments with me and the necessary treatments as well....(I am now cured from the hodgkins lymphoma as it has been over five years since I had it). I feel that this doc will help us out as much as possible. We are very new to the planning stages of this so I have not yet contacted him.

 

There is NO DOUBT in my mind that I want to add a child to my family with my DH. I have one major fear though...and someone please tell me if this is unreasonable....My sis has two boys....I have two girls....she desperately wished for a girl her second pregnancy...she adores her sons but you know what I mean, she would have loved to have a little girl....I would LOVE to have a boy with DH......WHat if my sis ends up carrying a girl for us? I think it would be so much harder for her if that happened.

 

Is there a way to have the sperm "separated" and increase the odds of the sex you desire?? This may seem like a small issue in relation to simply having a healthy baby, but in our situation I worry because she is already giving us such a great gift and I don't want to mess her up emotionally forever.

 

Any advice or info is MUCH appreciated...to me or to both or us.....I plan to show this site to her even tho she doesn't do a lot of internet stuff....this site seems like it could be great for both of us.

 

Thanks in advance!

Christie (hopeful IP)

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Kathleen55    3

Lots of great questions Christie, I can tell you care deeply for your sister. I had my daughter vis GS so I will wait for Shauna to help you out from a TS perspective.

 

Also, try posting these same questions in the traditional surrogacy forum for more info from TS's too!!!

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Shauna    3

You could look into spinning the sperm, if doing IUIs. I don't know what the cost of that is, or really how effective it is either. You could search it online though, hopefully it will be able to give a better explaination to how it is done.

Have you asked her how she would feel if she did end up carrying a girl for you? I know of a few TSs who have only had girls or boys for there own family, and then went on to carry the opposite for there IPs.

I hope your sister does come check out the board. This will be a great site for you to both ask a Ton of questions and to get support.

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