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prluver

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prluver    0

hey, i appreciate the reply to the question that i had. i do feel horrible for the things that happened and the fact that this may be cheating her sister from having a child of her own. now, the issue is that i was not aware of the no sex thing until i started researching on the internet about this process on my own. the woman that i am involved with failed to mention this to me when we did engage in sex. i saw it online in an example for a contract for this procedure. had i know, i would have made it a point to not violate that. i am a responsible person and have children of my own and would not try to cheat somebody out of something like this on purpose. and i know you mentioned the money having to be returned to the other party involved in this process but she is doing this for free. her sister is only paying for the medical expenses involved through this whole thing.

 

i am asking this question in this forum because i know you have been through this procedure before. now, let me give you more information in this whole situation and the reason why i took it upon myself to start researching and why i am in a confused on what to do. when the condom broke, i was not aware of it until we had finished and when i went to dispose of it. at the time that i noticed i really did not know what to do since she over reacts to things usually. so i did not mention this to her at the time. she does not know to this day that the accident happened. so because of this, she is under the impression that the children have no way of even being anything other than her sister's. with this being said, i dont know what to do. i say this because in the past, if she became pregnant she would have an abortion. she has gone through three to be exact so far. so with this being said, i really wouldnt want to tell her at this time and have her abort the children. and then again, if i dont say anything and they are mine bilogicaly i would want to be in their lives.

 

i know that this may seem like a small day out of days of our lives or general hospital to many but it is what i am going through. and i appologize to those who see this post and think it was irresponsible of me and maybe a little selfish. i asure you that i never intended to cheat them out of this process and that i am a single parent of my three children since the mother chose to leave. so please dont categorize me as such or judge me. i am trying to get informed so that i can do the right thing now that we are in this situation.

 

i appreciate your input. thank you ahead of time for the help and comments.

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Is there a contract in place? Was she honest with the clinic that did the transfer with regards to her sexual partners or did you come in to her life after everything was already said and done? The clinics require any sexual partners of the surrogate to under go STD and HIV testing to make sure that nothing gets passed on to the child(ren). There is always a psychological consultation between the parties prior to the beginning of the process, which should have included her partner (you?). I guess I am confused as to why you seemingly have no information on the entire process, unless, as I alluded to earlier, you became involved with her after all of that was already said and done? If that is the case, than it was wrong of her not to disclose any of this to you and it was wrong of her not to inform the clinic that she had a new sexual partner prior to her going through the embryo transfer. She put the children's lives at risk by not doing so and could very well have cost her sister thousands of dollars. This entire process is NOT cheap whether she is accepting any sort of compensation or not!

 

I am VERY surprised that she would be approved to be a surrogate if she has had 3 elective abortion procedures already. Does she have any children of her own? Again, most clinics require the potential surrogate to have at least one child of her own that she is raising and preferably is done with her own family prior to becoming a surrogate. This whole situation is just WAY out of control.

 

The contract should clearly state that she can not abort any fetus conceived through this process once a pregnancy has been established. I would certainly hope that she would have concrete evidence (aka paternity test) that these children are NOT that of her sister before she would do anything so drastic as abortion. She has NO RIGHT to abort any children unless she knows without a doubt they are her own. She can not just go have an abortion because of the *possibility* that they are her own biological children. She needs to know without a doubt as it is not her decision to make otherwise.

 

Chances are, those children are her sisters and that she did become pregnant through the IVF procedure and did not naturally conceive on her own. However, I would strongly suggest that you 'come clean' with her, tell her what happened with the condom, direct her to your posts and my answers here, and have a paternity test done as soon as it can safely be done so that you can know for sure. In my opinion, she has NO business being a surrogate if she can't follow simple doctor's instructions, be honest with EVERYONE involved (because it sounds to me like she pulled one over you by not disclosing all of this to you to begin with), and needs a good strong talking to from her clinic's reproductive endocrinologist and psychologist. This is just NOT cool....

 

Good luck.

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