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jennieb1

Working Surrogates - need advice

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jennieb1    26

Hi Ladies:

 

As many of you may know I am a 1st time GS. I'm about 11 weeks along at this point. I work FT for a Company in their HR Department. I actually just started the job back in June. I plan on telling my boss I'm pregnant when I about 16-20 weeks along. My question is should I share with her that I'm a GS? Or should I just simply state pregnant? I'm not sure what is best. My concern is if I just say pregnant then of course everyone will wonder who is the father? What happened to babies after birth...etc.

 

On the other hand as we all know many people become judgmental if you state you are a GS, so if I go that route a whole other can of worms is opened.

 

I'm just looking for some feedback and any specific examples you would like to share.

 

FYI - I am the only income earner for my family (son and I). And my income (not bragging) is high and I want to do my best to protect it.

 

Thank you

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mafaichney    4

That's a great question. I work from home so I don't really have the same issues. I have wondered how I will approach it when I'm out and people ask about my belly. Especially when I'm with my DH. I'm a TS so that adds a whole other level of craziness to it. Should I say I'm a surro? Let them just think it's our baby? Should I come off as super crazy and just tell them it's not my husband's baby but a gay man's and let them wonder?

 

Hehe, just kidding.

 

Honestly though...I would tell them if I were you. Like you said I think it'd be more complicated if you kept it to yourself. Plus the benefit is that you (I'm assuming) won't need to take the full six weeks of mat leave since you won't be bringing home a newborn. If you're uncomfortable with others knowing, maybe just ask her to keep it to herself until YOU feel comfortable sharing with other co-workers.

 

People will judge if they're going to judge, but that just helps you weed out the nasty ones. I've found the bulk of people I come across are positive towards surrogacy. I can't imagine you getting too much negative attention.

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jennieb1    26

Thanks mafaichney for the feedback. I'm hoping to hear from other women who are working or were working and how they have handled.

 

In terms of the recovery time. I'm hoping not to take the full 6 weeks, but I am having a scheduled C-section and I know from my last C-section I am not supposed to drive for a few weeks.

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Mama-C    54

jennieb, I just wanted to share that I *just* yesterday made it public (at 13 weeks) that I am pregnant and a GS. The response was overwhelmingly positive and encouraging and kind. I realize that not everyone will feel this way, but in my experience the only semi-negative person was actually my mom... and once she was ready to hear more info about what a GS is/does, she was fine. Hope it goes well when you share the info at work. The fact is, I guess, that they'll figure it out soon enough, and in my opinion, it's better for you to tell them than for them to wonder or have to ask about it. Being in HR, you know that they will want to be able to cover your position when you're out, so giving them a heads-up is a good plan. Helps everyone feel more in-control. Tell them what you want, when you want. :) So just saying you're pregnant for now is enough. Then if/when you're comfy, you can add details. It's truly nobody's business whose baby it is (yours or the father's or a gs/ts or whatever). and you're really doing a wonderful, selfless thing (surrogacy). Don't let them make you feel like you owe them any additional info unless you want to share. Might want to give a heads-up at some point, so there's not an awkward baby shower being thrown at you, but for now just say what you're comfy saying.

 

Uh... didn't mean for that to be so long. Hope it's a manageable read. Sorry. :/

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traci72    202

I've always been honest and upfront about my surro-pg's, but depending on the atmosphere, you can let them know you're a surro, but that it's rather private as far as details or whatever. I'm an open book, so I answered any/everything, but I've never worked a "big" job where it might matter....only smaller, family owned businesses.

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jennieb1    26

MAMA-C - do you mean your job? You told your boss and/or co-workers?

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mama_moon    22

I'm just letting people ask me when they feel like it. I'm obviously pregnant now. One of my co-workers asked me "What's going on with your belly?" today, lol. So I let her know I was 16 weeks pregnant with twins and I'm a surrogate. She was positive about it but she didn't ask any more questions. My job is short-term though and I should be done with my groups a couple weeks before the babies are due.

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jennieb1    26

great. Thanks for sharing. I guess a lot of GS's don't work or don't want to share. I was hoping for more responses. :bitelip:

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great. Thanks for sharing. I guess a lot of GS's don't work or don't want to share. I was hoping for more responses. :bitelip:/>

 

Patience. You only posted this earlier today and some people don't check everyday.

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jennieb1    26

hi Kristen - true...I only posted yesterday. I guess I thought this would be something most could relate to. However, I do remember my agency stating a lot of stay at home moms do surrogacy. We will see. Have a great day everyone.

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Babz    38

I am a working mom, in an environment with mostly men. I'm not sure how bill address it. The good part of my job is that I don't have to sugar coat anything, and if someone is being nosy or rude, I can just call him out on it. That's why I like working with the guys 😃

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I am a working mom, in an environment with mostly men. I'm not sure how bill address it. The good part of my job is that I don't have to sugar coat anything, and if someone is being nosy or rude, I can just call him out on it. That's why I like working with the guys 😃

 

 

I am the same. I am a sales manager of a car dealership. Talk about man environment. And talk about high profile job. There is always someone somewhere gunning for my job. So, this is my plan. I have already told my Assistant Manager. I wanted to make sure my 2nd hand had my back. As to the rest of them? When I start showing beyond "god, she is getting fat" then I will let the cat out of the bag.

 

When pregnant with my own child my boss's saw this as a weakness. They thought the pregnancy would interfere with work. It didn't though. So maybe this time they will be more responsive. IDK. But, I will tell everyone at my work once it is noticeable and then I will say "It is not my baby though, I am carrying for another family." and leave it at that. If someone wants more details and are being positive, well, then we will talk about it. If not, then we wont.

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jennieb1    26

okay so BABZ and melanieatbest are basically playing it by ear...telling folks when you feels its appropriate/when you are showing. I'm assuming both of you will be out of work for a few weeks after the delivery? Are either of you concerned about your position? SCRATCH THIS

 

I just edited my post...melanieatbest - your not even pregnant yet are you? BABZ are you pregnant?

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I manage a restaurant, and told my boss when I sent in my application to be a surrogate. I wanted to share this experience with as many people as possible and everyone was overwhelmingly positive and supportive and asked a million questions. I, from the initial research point, wanted to be as open and honest with everyone as I possibly could. I am very big on honestly and openness, and never withholding information or seeming deceitful. So I told everyone, everything, every time anyone asked personally or publicly.

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okay so BABZ and melanieatbest are basically playing it by ear...telling folks when you feels its appropriate/when you are showing. I'm assuming both of you will be out of work for a few weeks after the delivery? Are either of you concerned about your position? SCRATCH THIS

 

I just edited my post...melanieatbest - your not even pregnant yet are you? BABZ are you pregnant?

 

 

I am not prego yet, but obviously have thought about this before getting pregnant, as this is a big decision and all aspects needed considering. I am not worried about it truly. I will only need minimal time off after, just long enough to heal then it is back to work, but legally you have up to 12 weeks. In my state you are not allowed to loose your job due to maternity leave. So I am not worried. I am worried about initial reaction of my boss. He will try to find something wrong with my situation I an imagine. He is just like that. But legally there is only so much he can do and if I am still a good employee and producing him $$ then he has no reason to replace me.

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