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jennieb1

Working Surrogates - need advice

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Babz    38

I am not worried about my position at all because I am protected by the Family Medical Leave Act. Plus, by the time I deliver, I should have a couple months worth of sick leave on the books, so I'm not expecting to have any interruption of income (crossing fingers that I don't have any bed rest issues, etc). My plan is to tell my boss after 12 weeks (when the risk of miscarriage goes down), and others as it becomes more obvious. And, all of my friends and family know already, so they are excited to get things going as I am.

 

I'm not pregnant now. We are planning on a March transfer. Like Melanie, I have given serious consideration to how being a surrogate would affect my life. Specifically, I'm not planning any trips in the next year (we took a big family vacation last summer), my partner is traveling less for work and getting set up to work from home (if I end up on bedrest, so he can take care of me during the day, etc), putting my mother on notice so she's available to stay with my kids when I go for the transfer in March... Things like that. I'm a planner, so I like to make sure all of my bases are covered 😉

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jennieb1    26

BABZ - in my contract my IP's are paying my loss wages outside of my short term disability pay. MY STD plan pays 55% of my Gross income and the IP's are paying the remaining 45%. Try to get that worked into your contract

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Babz    38

It wouldn't matter one way or the other for me. I'm a salaried employee, so I am required to use all available sick leave while out on FMLA. My IPs will have to pay for any actual lost wages (which could be possible since we are hoping for a twin pregnancy and the risk of bed rest is higher in that case), but if things go smoothly I probably won't have a lot of actual wages. My situation is unique because I don't get paid the same way an hourly employee would, but at the same time I understood that going into it, so I'm comfortable using my sick leave during my recovery.

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jennieb1    26

I'm salaried too. But when on STD the policy only pays 55% of my GROSS pay. So, IP's have to make up the difference.

BTW - FMLA is only job protection...not income replacement. (not sure if you are aware of that).

 

Thanks everyone for the feedback - still not 100% sure how I am going to approach this. I have a doctors appointment this week...I think I'm about 11 weeks along. I'm pretty sure at this point I will state I am a surrogate to my employer so that way no baby shower or questions are asked.

 

We will see. thank you all again.

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Mama-C    54

Hi jennieb,

 

Sorry I missed your question back to me about whether I shared the news with work or personal friends - it was personal friends, but all very outspoken ones (LOL). And I realize the validity of your question in that friends are friends and sometimes work 'friends' are notsomuch inclined to love you no matter what you choose, right? tee-hee. But I shared the experience in answer to your question because I wanted you to know that a LOT of people are really positive and even awed by the whole surrogacy-thing, and you might just be pleasantly surprised by people's reactions. I sure was.

 

I am newly a SAHM (starting this past May) after working full-time for 22 years, sometimes as the primary wage-earner in our household. I have 4 kids, ages 6-16, so for many of those employed years I was juggling an awful lot. I know where you're coming from with wondering when/how to tell work about pregnancy. I never had the luxury of waiting to tell, though since I've always been an 'early and often' morning sickness person. Everyone could guess from the weeks of puking that I was pregnant. LOL. I agree with others whom stated that it's actually a better situation for the employer because you likely won't be taking as long a maternity leave and won't be taking time off for baby-related appts later. So for them to know all of that is probably positive. :)

 

Well good luck to you on telling. I know it's not easy... particularly if you're worried about others' reactions. Hoping it's all good and everyone's positive and on-board.

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jennieb1    26

Hi Mama-C - Thanks for posting and sharing. It really is not so much of the reactions I'm concerned about. Because you cannot argue that being a gestational surrogate is a very nice thing to do regardless of the compensation. My primary concern is being out of work. I work in HR and have for the last 13 years. What I do in the Dept. pretty much no one else does...granted they can get a temporary employee for the time I'm out. I'm just concerned. Bottom line. I can tell you employers don't enjoy employees being out of work whether it is disability, worker's compensation, etc. Granted, things happen but the reality is employers are not fond of it. And again I earn about 3X's what the GS journey is paying me. I do not want to risk anything with my job.

 

I was curious about actual reactions from supervisors, what discussions took place. How would work be handled while you were out, etc.

 

Again, at this point I am speaking to my supervisor in the next month or so. We will see.

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3xbabymomma    0

Hi there! I'm on my first GS Journey and currently about 8 weeks pregnant. I also work full time as a paralegal in a small law office. I was up front about the surrogacy with my boss from the very beginning. I told him about it when I had just started the screening process. However me and my boss have known each other for a few years, are good friends, and we talk about everything. He is very supportive, I haven't gotten one bit of negativity about it. I'm his only employee so I don't have any co-workers to worry about. When I deliver I'll have a scheduled c-section and only plan on being out of the office for about a week. Recovery hasn't been too bad for me in the past. I believe thst we'll have a summer intern that will help with the workload while I'm out.

 

Good Luck with your situation!

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Midwestmom3    0

Hi JennieB... I know you posted this a while ago but I thought I'd share my thoughts. I'm in HR also and will do the transfer next week. Assuming all goes well, I will tell my boss around 16 weeks. As long as you follow your companies policies, there is really nothing they can do since we qualify for FMLA. I'm fairly sure my (large) company will be supportive but I will only tell my manager and a couple others to ensure there isn't a shower or awkward questions. Did you end up telling your company yet? How did it go?

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jennieb1    26

Hi Midwestmom3 - Thanks for the reply. No, I have not told my boss yet....will probably do so by the end of the month. I agree nothing technically can be done...however, I am in a very demanding position and I don't want to put my boss in a "bad" place. I can go back to work once the doctor clears me and I can drive...so I won't be out the full 8 weeks.

 

Where do you live? How long have you worked in HR?

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jmedee77    2

I work full time and this is my 3rd journey. I was open and up front with the folks I work with. I do not discuss it with everyone as it's just not everyones business. I think if you are relatively new and possibly because it is an HR environment; I could see how you might feel a little "iffy" about releasing details. That might be a good idea; but, only you can make that decision. I have always had excellent feedback when speaking with my peers. I would probably tell them after the first trimester is completed. Good luck to you during your journey!

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Angelique    1

I am a bread-winning single mom. I get no support in any way from my ex, so childcare and finances are all mine. 100%

 

I work full-time - in a fairly pressurised environment in a large corporate organisation - and have embarked on a surrogacy this year, as part of my personal life-journey. It is something I have been drawn to for a long time and really wanted to do.

 

I expected it would be awkward and contentious and difficult to explain and handle - especially since I have a very unusual and modified surrogacy arrangement, but honestly I have encountered a huge amount of support and encouragement and understanding from both work and my friendship network. I have been quite overwhelmed about how nice and kind people have been to me (oddly enough the only place I have experienced negativity is HERE, which I thought was ironic as I'd expected to need this board for support in the face of outside criticism, but there you go...).

 

I think as long as you are authentic, open and honest people respond to that accordingly.

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