Roseanne

Introduction from PA

3 posts in this topic

Hi Everyone!

My name is Roseanne Bolger and I am married to an amazing man named Cody. My husband buys and sells vinyl records for a living, and I am studying to be a birth and bereavement doula. We are moving to PA soon and have an interesting story.

We have been trying to create the miracle of having a family for years and have been unsuccessful. We have had multiple miscarriages and our daughter, Tela Clementine, was born prematurely on March 5th 2017 at 21 weeks. She lived for 30 minutes and we got to experience the indescribable joy of holding our beautiful baby only to have it so quickly taken from us. Along with not being able to successfully carry a baby full-term, I also suffer from Hyperemesis Gravidarum; a condition in pregnancy that can best be described as severe nausea, vomiting, weight loss, and electrolyte disturbance. I had to spend long stretches of time at Methodist Willowbrook hospital with IVs basically keeping me alive.

Through losing Tela, we have discovered infertility and baby loss is extremely common. Though people are ashamed to talk about it, once you share your story, they quickly open up about their own. The mailman, the ladies at the nail salon, the guy helping you at Lowes (all true) are all quick to share their stories. If they weren’t personally affected by infertility or miscarriage, someone close to them has been.

Because of modern medicine, we have one option left of having a biological child of our own. We will be using a gestational surrogate.

We have looked at a few agencies and were wondering if it would be better to find a surrogate on our own. Does anyone have experience with finding a GC on their own? We are looking for someone in the PA area where we could be a part of the whole process.  

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, I very much look forward to hearing from you! 

 

Love and Light,
Roseanne

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Welcome to the Forums! I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your beautiful Tela. How difficult that must have been, but to have had that time w/her a blessing. She knows how much she was loved and wanted. 

 

I've experienced severe HG myself several times. Certainly no "walk in the park", to put it incredibly mildly. Mine lasted the entire pg w/2 of my own children. W/my 1st, I thought it was my "payment" for the situation I was in and was too scared to "complain" or seek help. I didn't know it wasn't normal because I hid it and didn't say anything about it to anyone. My Dr would question me about the severe weight loss, dehydration, etc, and I would lie because I was afraid it was normal and I just couldn't handle it. Thankfully, w/age comes wisdom and I knew better by the next time. (Dr did DX me w/the 1st one based on her own observations though) Life does suck horribly when going through it though. 

 

I did edit the title of your post, only because it read as if you were advertising in the Forums for a surrogate, which is not allowed. Now....you asked about finding a surrogate w/out using an agency....we DO have a Classified's section here at AAS where you can choose to either place your own ad or respond to one that you might see. There are also matching groups on FB (I run one of them) as well as Classified's on SMO (surromomsonline) where other's have found matches. Sometimes you can ask your RE if they know of any surrogates that are looking to match, put it out there to family/friends that you are moving towards surrogacy and looking for a GS or you can sometimes contact 3rd party reproduction attorneys and they may be familiar w/surrogates looking to match. On FB, there are often state-specific surrogacy groups that also allow matching, and I do believe there is one for PA. Just some thoughts.

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:aas:

Whether you use an agency or go through this journey independent is up to how strong you are feeling about tracking down the legal requirements in your state and working with lawyers and escrow companies and your medical team to jump through all the legal hoops to ensure you are named on your child's birth certificate rather than needing to adopt your own child. 

There's no wrong answer. Many parents enjoy the DIY route and the closeness it brings with their surrogate in that they negotiate the whole way together with their surrogate.  Many parents enjoy leaving the legwork to a professional team and the closeness it brings with their surrogate in that they talk only about positive milestones and don't have to talk business directly. 

Best wishes!

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