MandySue

New here! Psych eval next week

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MandySue    0

Hi ladies! I am new to this chat board. I have submitted all my paperwork and am going for my psych evaluation next week. Once that is completed (and I pass) then I will meet the family that the surrogate law firm thinks I am a good match with. But first things first. Once I am given the ok to move forward I need to have the convo with my kids (ages 9 & 11) about this and make sure they understand and are on board. I am single so I have no SO to get "approval" from. i think my kids will love the idea of mom helping a family. I am ready and excited and can't wait to meet my potential family. I just love being a mom and couldn't imagine not being able to make a family. I love being prego but in no way want more kids of my own so this is really a perfect situation for me. I have confided in a couple of my best friends about this and they fully support me. They did say they would worry about me growing attached to the baby and having trouble separating with it. I have signed up for this board so I can read and share experiences through this journey. I look forward to getting to *know* you all. 

 

:)

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ehicks2395    0

We are on the same stage. I just completed Psych today and passed Yay, now waiting on the agency to send me through medical. Have you done medical how was that if so?

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adoubleux57    8

Welcome to the group Mandy! I just delivered my first womb mate 10 weeks ago and this group is such a great support through the whole process! I have children similar in age to yours (8 and 10, and i have a 4yr old), they were so excited about the whole process and to be honest, their minds were blown! I was very lucky with amazing IPs and they formed a great bond with my children which helped them understand more who the baby was for.

Good luck on the psych eval, if you're taking the MMPI2 test, be prepared to set aside like 2 hours for it! I think that's how long it took me. Over 500 questions of true or false statements. :banghead: If I wasn't "crazy" before that, It certainly made me that way after it! HA!

 

Can't wait to follow your journey, and who knows, I might be right behind you with my next ;)!

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MandySue    0

Thanks so much for your responses! I really hope to have a similar experience. I work in law enforcement and had to take the psych test before being hired so I think it's prob going to be the same thing bc that took a couple hours. It was like the same 50 questions asked in 10 different ways. Lol

 

i have not completed my medical. My agency did get all my records and they told me they have a family in mind for me. It's super exciting! I can't wait to keep in touch with you all along this journey. 

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ehicks2395    0

Do you know if it is best to work with one agency or more? I have heard that it can take a lot of time to be matched with intended parents and that some people actually won't get matched with some agencies. How true is this maybe an Admin can chime in. I actually just stopped breast feeding two weeks ago and one of the agencies asked me to go to my doctor and ask for Desogen Birth Control to get my AF back. All of the 3 agencies who accepted me had my medical record and have completed my background check. 

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traci72    202

The topic of whether to apply to just one agency or multiple can get heated, believe it or not. We all have our opinions and it doesn't make one more right or wrong. 

As a surrogate, I researched literally dozens of agencies and started narrowing them down until I had 3-4 that appealed to me more. My research involved doing a search here on AAS as well as SMO (surromomsonline) for the specific agencies. I'd post threads asking for specific feedback, pros/cons, how they treated both IP's and surrogates. As I narrowed down my agency choices to maybe 8 or so, I started emailing the agencies w/the same questions, and would wait to see how long it took them to get back to me, how they answered the questions, the feel I got from the emails, etc. That helped me narrow down to my 3-4, and then I started calling them personally, to get a feel of how they interacted w/me. It came down to 2 specific agencies and I chose based on how they did their screening, and it was a perfect match for me. While it makes a difference of whether they have IP's available or not, that really doesn't matter a whole ton. They can have a hundred IP's waiting and none are the right match for you. You might have specific criteria you won't budge on and the available IP's won't or aren't comfortable agreeing to. If you're willing to compromise against what you want just because you're in a hurry to match, then when things don't go as hoped for, it's on the surrogate, not the agency, but the agency will be the one to catch hell for it. I knew all this going in and was prepared to be PATIENT for the right match, which is more important that just matching fast. I also understood that when I agreed to work w/an agency, that I could be potentially getting the hopes up of IP's and don't feel that's fair to be looking elsewhere at the same time. The IP's see your profile and get excited, only to get a call that says sorry, the surrogate is no longer available because she matched through another agency. Then they are back to pouring over profiles again.

As a program coordinator, I've surrogates not be honest w/me that they are looking at other agencies. I put a LOT of work into screening surrogates, helping gather necessary records as needed (sometimes they are able to get them on their own, sometimes they request my help), getting their records to the RE for review, arranging background checks, insurance reviews, starting to build their profiles, etc, etc. My time is worth something, just ask my boss. He's paying $$$ to these other entities to do these reviews. I can tell you that RE's do NOT review a potential surrogate's OB records for nothing. There is a fee for that and all of the other checks. We spend a fair amt of $$$ to get a surrogate approved, and when she turns around and says she's matched through another agency, I'll be honest and say it really irritates me. It was a waste of my time and my agency's money. I've been as far as had a match made...the surrogate liked the IP's, the IP's wanted to move forward, but she failed to mention she was also working w/another agency and decided that she like those IP's just a little better because of location. The call to my IP's to let them know this was devastating. 

 

My thoughts....and I've felt this from my 1st foray into the surrogacy world...is that if you're going to "sign" w/an agency, give them the opportunity to do their job before trying out another one. *IF* you're seeing red flags on certain things: communication or lack there of, questionable practices regarding attorneys, if they are willing to work w/surrogates that don't meet basic requirements, questionable RE/clinics that they work with, lack of honesty (use of insurance, no escrow but don't worry about it, etc) or anything that your gut tells you doesn't feel right, then yes, move on and find a more reputable agency. You'll find though that while some agencies don't have an issue w/you having a profile w/more than 1 agency, if you're honest w/them, there are more agencies that have an issue wasting their money.

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ehicks2395    0
1 hour ago, traci72 said:

The topic of whether to apply to just one agency or multiple can get heated, believe it or not. We all have our opinions and it doesn't make one more right or wrong. 

As a surrogate, I researched literally dozens of agencies and started narrowing them down until I had 3-4 that appealed to me more. My research involved doing a search here on AAS as well as SMO (surromomsonline) for the specific agencies. I'd post threads asking for specific feedback, pros/cons, how they treated both IP's and surrogates. As I narrowed down my agency choices to maybe 8 or so, I started emailing the agencies w/the same questions, and would wait to see how long it took them to get back to me, how they answered the questions, the feel I got from the emails, etc. That helped me narrow down to my 3-4, and then I started calling them personally, to get a feel of how they interacted w/me. It came down to 2 specific agencies and I chose based on how they did their screening, and it was a perfect match for me. While it makes a difference of whether they have IP's available or not, that really doesn't matter a whole ton. They can have a hundred IP's waiting and none are the right match for you. You might have specific criteria you won't budge on and the available IP's won't or aren't comfortable agreeing to. If you're willing to compromise against what you want just because you're in a hurry to match, then when things don't go as hoped for, it's on the surrogate, not the agency, but the agency will be the one to catch hell for it. I knew all this going in and was prepared to be PATIENT for the right match, which is more important that just matching fast. I also understood that when I agreed to work w/an agency, that I could be potentially getting the hopes up of IP's and don't feel that's fair to be looking elsewhere at the same time. The IP's see your profile and get excited, only to get a call that says sorry, the surrogate is no longer available because she matched through another agency. Then they are back to pouring over profiles again.

As a program coordinator, I've surrogates not be honest w/me that they are looking at other agencies. I put a LOT of work into screening surrogates, helping gather necessary records as needed (sometimes they are able to get them on their own, sometimes they request my help), getting their records to the RE for review, arranging background checks, insurance reviews, starting to build their profiles, etc, etc. My time is worth something, just ask my boss. He's paying $$$ to these other entities to do these reviews. I can tell you that RE's do NOT review a potential surrogate's OB records for nothing. There is a fee for that and all of the other checks. We spend a fair amt of $$$ to get a surrogate approved, and when she turns around and says she's matched through another agency, I'll be honest and say it really irritates me. It was a waste of my time and my agency's money. I've been as far as had a match made...the surrogate liked the IP's, the IP's wanted to move forward, but she failed to mention she was also working w/another agency and decided that she like those IP's just a little better because of location. The call to my IP's to let them know this was devastating. 

 

My thoughts....and I've felt this from my 1st foray into the surrogacy world...is that if you're going to "sign" w/an agency, give them the opportunity to do their job before trying out another one. *IF* you're seeing red flags on certain things: communication or lack there of, questionable practices regarding attorneys, if they are willing to work w/surrogates that don't meet basic requirements, questionable RE/clinics that they work with, lack of honesty (use of insurance, no escrow but don't worry about it, etc) or anything that your gut tells you doesn't feel right, then yes, move on and find a more reputable agency. You'll find though that while some agencies don't have an issue w/you having a profile w/more than 1 agency, if you're honest w/them, there are more agencies that have an issue wasting their money.

Hi Traci72, I have definitely been upfront with each agency. I have actually narrowed the agencies down to 3 agencies. I told one of the agencies that's i already completed the Psychological Rxam and she told me that didn't matter and she wanted me to give her the opportunity to see if her agency is just as good. I really dont understand the differences with the agencies. I am really just excited about being a surrogate. But now understanding that there is money being invested initially I am going to ask each agency why do they want me to continue with he psych exams, and medical exam with there agency as I have already done it with one already. Also being that I work at Children Protective Services (CPS), and see so many stories I believe it has made me even more eager to begin this journey. Also Traci72, I have been seeing all your answers to people's questions and I want to thank you for sharing your experiences and knowledge.

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