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JamesB

Single man looking for surrogacy?

6 posts in this topic

I'm a single man who had a beautiful wife. I married her two years ago, on August 2015. We had a great time together. I still remember that day when I came back from the office. She came to me and whispered into my ears, "honey you're going to be a daddy soon". After hearing those unforgettable words, I was the happiest man on this planet. I started taking care of her, extra care actually. I started doing household, kitchen, almost everything. She was in her sixth month of pregnancy when we both met with an accident. We were coming back to home from the hospital (we went there for routine check). I was driving the car, she was sitting next to me on the front seat. Suddenly, somebody hit our car from behind by an accident and the car bumped into the tree. I was hurt a little, but my wife was crying in pain. I called the ambulance and it took us to the hospital right away. The doctor informed me that she had a miscarriage. Nothing could be done to save the child. Even the life of my wife was in danger since she was in her sixth month. Doctors tried their best, but they failed to save my wife. 

I'm just 29, my parents are asking me to get married again. They just don't want me to spend my life all alone. But I can't even think about that. The person who I lost, was my life. I still love her, miss her, think about her. I can't go to any another girl just like that. Her only dream was to make me a daddy. Since I don't want to get married again, how about if I go for surrogacy? I just want one child, with whom I can spend rest of my life. I really need some serious advice or suggestion. How and from where shall I start?

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I am very sorry to read about your losses.  This is a terrible tragedy.  I am so very sorry.

 

Regarding Surrogacy -

Yes you can pursue surrogacy.  The first step is always Research.  I can help by answering some questions on here and providing insight.  Aside from doing research on IVF, surrogacy laws, insurance, compensation, egg donation, psychological impacts -- I think it is also important to study clinics.  sart.org has a list of clinics and their success rates.  It will be important to determine who will be your egg donor.  Will you ask a family member to donate eggs or will you work with an egg donor?  If it is the latter (working with an egg donor) - some clinics have egg donors available.  If a clinic has an egg donor program , it can save thousands of dollars -- In the instance of working with an egg donor, you will need to decide what characteristics of an egg donor are important to you.  

 

Please let me know if I may answer more questions.

My recommendation would be start with selecting a clinic and an egg donor - as well as doing research on both.

 

Thank you

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10 hours ago, DragonDad said:

My recommendation would be start with selecting a clinic and an egg donor - as well as doing research on both.

 

Dear DragonDad, I really appreciate your words. And thanks for such a priceless advice you gave here. As far as I've researched about IVF, it's good for a couple who is infertile. I have no woman, I'm single. The embryo, an egg fertilized through IVF treatment, needs a womb to be placed. From where can I get a womb? Instead, why surrogacy is not a better option for me? I've consulted a few fertility experts last week. They told me about IVF and how expensive it can be in real. Look dear, I'm not saying I don't like your advice. Please don't mind! I just want to know how IVF can help me here and why it's better than surrogacy.

Some are saying that surrogacy may cost me more than the IVF treatment. But my question is still the same, from where can I get the womb?

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1 hour ago, JamesB said:

Dear DragonDad, I really appreciate your words. And thanks for such a priceless advice you gave here. As far as I've researched about IVF, it's good for a couple who is infertile. I have no woman, I'm single. The embryo, an egg fertilized through IVF treatment, needs a womb to be placed. From where can I get a womb? Instead, why surrogacy is not a better option for me? I've consulted a few fertility experts last week. They told me about IVF and how expensive it can be in real. Look dear, I'm not saying I don't like your advice. Please don't mind! I just want to know how IVF can help me here and why it's better than surrogacy.

Some are saying that surrogacy may cost me more than the IVF treatment. But my question is still the same, from where can I get the womb?

You absolutely can't have a surrogacy arrangement w/out an ED (egg donor) and IVF, unless you do a TS (traditional surrogacy) where you still need an RE and IUI. (Google) By reading your comments to some amazing advise that you would do well to follow, it's clear that you have NOT done any research about surrogacy at all. Just a basic Google search will show you the 2 types of surrogacy AND that a GS goes through IVF.

DD's suggestion to you is one of a cost and time saving step. By finding an ED, you can create the embryos now and freeze them until you are in a position to have and afford a surrogate and the IVF process. I would strongly suggest that you take a step back initially, and do a LOT of reading on this site as well as utilizing Google to help you begin researching.

 

Also, if you bothered to notice DD's name...especially since you typed it out, "Dear" was both an inappropriate term as well as a condescending one in how it comes out in your comment.

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I visited a fertility center nearby me. The fertility consultant over there helped me a lot. She cleared up all my doubts about surrogacy. According to her, surrogacy is the last option in most of the infertility cases. But my case is quite different since I'm not fertile. She told me that surrogacy is used just as a carrier that carries a baby for nine months and delivers it. But the woman who plays the role of surrogate, doesn't use her own eggs (unlike traditional surrogacy). I would definitely need an egg donor who'll donate her eggs. And then through IVF, the embryo will be created and transferred to the surrogate. After nine months, she'll give birth to my baby and give that to me to raise. She also said that both surrogacy methods (traditional or gestational) are really expensive. Is she right?

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Yes, she is. You can easily be looking at $80-100K or more for a gestational surrogacy and I'm not certain about TS, but I would expect maybe $60-80K. There are things you can easily factor in for cost, such as an agency fee if you use an agency, the clinic/RE costs, attorneys, surrogate's compensation, certain fees, etc. Things that can vary tremendously are lost wages, travel expenses (these can be estimated, but not set in stone), child care, housekeeping (if on bed rest) medical costs for prenatal care and delivery, if you end up having to cover a separate insurance policy (again, can be estimated, but until you know, it's just a guess), if it takes multiple attempts (1st transfer is not always successful) and a number of other factors. 

My 1st IP's and I were lucky. They used a clinic/RE in Canada which was, in the end, 1/3 cheaper than using a clinic here in the US. Even factoring in my travel/meals/hotel, it was cheaper. Our 1st transfer worked, thank goodness, and they spent around $65K, which also included their ED and the agency fee. The 2nd family I carried for spent just under $200K for both of our journeys combined. The 2nd IP's I worked for though (we were not successful w/any transfer) spent all of their savings between multiple attempts on themselves, 2 attempts w/another surrogate and 2 attempts w/me, and no baby to show for it. 

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