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NJLyn

26 Weeks!

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NJLyn    3

HI ladies,

I've been mia for a while, almost 26 weeks now. Pregnancy is going so smooth, I just can't belive it. Very thankful for that! Gender reveal was not 100%, leaning toward girl, may know for sure at the last US. I'm in awe and so happy to be pregnant lol..for the final time. I'd love to help one more family, but with my change in career, I can't :(

I'm thankful to be apart of at least one journey.

I have a question I hope some of you might have experience with. Have any of your IP's been so superstitious during the pregnancy? Mine is worried to the point my IM won't buy anything for baby and doesn't want to speak about the birth yet. I know it's somewhat soon, but I have started to worry a bit. The agency wants to start the birth order process. I'm sure after all the failed IVF she's been through and using surrogates before me, she is very emotional. I can only imagine..she's voiced worry over bonding with baby despite not carrying the pregnancy herself. I'm trying to offer as much reassurance as I can. We've been a good team and hope the next several weeks are good, and baby continues to thrive and grow without issue.

 

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traci72    202

I'm glad you popped back in for an update!! It sure is going by quickly! I have seen varying degrees of this behavior, depending on nationality, religion, or just plain fear. I've known a couple of surrogates who's IP's wouldn't even buy car seats, diapers, NOTHING, until AFTER the babies were born. I think the 2 most common situations I've seen, are in the case of religious customs and fear. I know it can be hard to open up and let your guard down, when you've been through multiple losses, years of trying and no success (either themselves or w/other surrogates). It's hard for us as surrogates, because we want to share in the joy and excitement w/our IP's, but when they don't allow themselves to experience it, it feels like we can't either. The best you can do is just follow their lead. As far as the PBO, that's not something that they really can put off w/out potentially risking additional legal expenses. Has she thought of recording her voice, maybe reading stories or sharing stories about themselves and having you play them to your belly? That might help her feel a bit of a connection before the birth.

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beachalice    23

:hi:

I'm glad things are going physically well for you!

That's so hard about your IM. She can be as prepared or not prepared for bringing home a baby as she feels the need to be. 

But the legal process really can't be delayed much longer. I wonder if your agency can appeal to her from a different viewpoint. Not to be morbid, but if anything were to happen now to the baby, whose name would go on the death certificate?

Baby is viable now! If you were to go into preterm labor, would she rather be in NICU helping to care for her baby or would she rather be in court trying to adopt her baby?

Hopefully you can get a positive gender scan so she can begin visualizing her SON or DAUGHTER. Having a gender might help her connect more. 

Very best wishes for a smooth third trimester for you!!

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NJLyn    3

Thanks everyone! beachalice, I have the same questions for her that you mentioned..now that baby is viable (sigh of relief) pre-term labor can happen and I just want to be sure we are all prepared. With my own children I had a fully stocked pantry and nursery ready to roll by this point, LOL. Just my overly prepared personality I guess haha. I know everyone is different.

The agency has been great and they are moving ahead with IP, the attorney and the birth orders. They don't really need much from me based on my state of residency.

I'm going to make some suggestions that Traci mentioned, recording her voice etc. I did pick up a doppler with her permission and have been sending her videos of the heartbeat and showing her the kicks. I think it's been hard since she planned to be at more appts but couldn't due to her work schedule and this crazy weather/airport issues. I'm sure everything will work out fine, my emotions are stable thankfully, even during this hormone crazed pregnancy, I feel very grounded and sure of my part. Just keep focusing on the positive! :)

 

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beachalice    23

What a great update! 

Hopefully the PBO goes smoothly for everyone. 

I love the idea of recorded voices.  I've encouraged my IPs to facetime with my belly when there's some visible kicking going on. We'll just see how they feel throughout pregnancy <3 

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