McKenna Fisher

Looking to become a surrogate

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Hello! I am looking to become a surrogate but I have been having trouble with being accepted into an agency because of my past with depression. I am 23 now and was diagnosed with depression in the 8th grade after losing my father unexpectedly. I have since graduated high school, started college, I’ve had the same job since I got out of high school and I now have a daughter of my own who is 6 months! I have been off of anti depressants since becoming pregnant Aug 2016 and have been just fine! But because of my past I have been denied. Becoming a surrogate is something I’m passionate about and I was hoping someone would be able to help me out. Will I ever be able to be a surrogate or is my past always going to be in the way? I feel that I am blessed to have been able to carry my baby and I loved being pregnant and giving birth! I would love to be able to help someone build their family! Thanks I’m advance for any feedback!

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beachalice    23

Hello :hi: 

The recommendation for surrogates is to be done with their own families because the hormones surrogates are required to take can cause future infertility, and every pregnancy runs the risk of complications that would prevent future pregnancy. So please make sure that you are very content with having only one child before you commit to carrying another family’s child. 

Second, are you in a committed relationship?  Are you surrounded by people who can help with your baby while you spend days or even a week handling medical appointments for screening and embryo transfer? IVF pregnancies carry higher risks of complications, so that support network will be needed if you end up on bed rest as early as 5 weeks pregnant.

Are you financially stable? Your finances will need to be documented for the contract to be legal because surrogates cannot be financially motivated. Surrogacy requires a lot of travel and a lot of time off from work for appointments.  You’ll eventually be compensated for missed time, but it might be in the form of a set fee for embryo transfer more than a year after you first matched with a family.

Regarding depression, you should be able to get medically and psychologically approved for surrogacy if you are stable off meds for a year or more. However, you may need to be able to document why you were on meds for a decade if the only cause for depression was a single event in middle school. I’m very sorry for your loss, and I don’t mean to make light of the situation. It may simply be that the agency saw the length of time that your condition required medication, and they are concerned that you haven’t been off long enough yet. 

Many surrogates are in our late 30s and early 40s, so there’s plenty of time to work on your family and any other requirements needed to get clearance for surrogacy. The passion grows stronger over time until all the circumstances are right. 

Have you checked in with your mental health provider and your OB to see if they’d recommend you for surrogacy? Maybe if you had written recommendations from all your doctors recommending you as a good candidate you might get through the screening smoother with an agency and fertility clinic.  

Lots of things to consider :) Best wishes!

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beachalice    23

I don't know why that one sentence in the middle is a bigger font.  I think my phone has a mind of it's own.  

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traci72    202

1000% agree w/Beachalice. Speaking from the agency side of things. looking at how long you were on meds vs how long you've been off them, there would be a big hesitation in even passing your application on for a records review, because this is something that would be brought up. I've worked w/psychologists both personally as a surrogate and professionally as a coordinator, and this is something I've seen come up. It is completely understandable for the cause, but the length of time is really long and you haven't been off them long compared, and I doubt any psych would approve you to move forward based on that. 

 

Keep in mind that agencies have clinics that they work w/most often, and the "rules" that an agency goes by are what the CLINIC/RE sets as a requirement. We aren't saying no because we're being mean, but because of our experience w/these particular clinics and already know what they are going to say. It wouldn't be fair if we said "Sure! Fill out an application and we'll find you a match!", knowing that the RE or psych would rule you out right now. It helps you from wasting your time as well.

 

To add on to a suggestion above, know that there is a HUGE difference between carrying another pg for yourself vs carrying a baby for another couple, who by that point have spent many thousands of $$$ already, and have to spend many MORE thousands of $$$ during and just after a pg. There are a lot of Dr's out there that say sure, you're good to get pg again (when there are issues/concerns), but they don't understand that it would be for someone else. It's one thing to take on risks when it's your own pg, but the purpose of surrogacy is to reduce as many potential risks as possible. 

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traci72    202

A couple of more things....

 

You live in NY, which in and of itself will make it incredibly challenging to find a match for you to be a surrogate, due to the states laws. If you are able to find a psych that would clear you and an RE that would be willing to work w/you, finding IP's willing to risk having a surrogate in NY will take a longer time AND you can't receive compensation for it. Those are things to consider.

 

You make a comment about not having to use an agency....while I'm quite certain it's not the intent, others may construe the statement as you are trying to look for ways to get around or skirt certain requirements, in order to fulfill your "dream". Going indy is not a way to get around laws, requirements, etc. The same rules/requirements through an agency are going to be the same going indy. If you are serious about becoming a surrogate, then you will absolutely make sure you meet every last requirement and be willing to jump through all the hoops you need to, to do it right.

 

And just because you might not be qualified at this point in time, doesn't mean that you won't be in a year, 2yrs, 3yrs or more down the road. You literally have at least 20yrs ahead of you that you could be a surrogate. It's not going anywhere anytime soon either.

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