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NJLyn

Birth Plan - Delivery

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NJLyn    4

Hi everyone :) Hope you are all doing good!

I wanted to ask what everyone's "plans" were in the third trimester to prep for delivery? Did you have a birth plan in writing? Did your agency help? I know everyone's situation is wildly different. I reached out to my agency, but no reply yet.

My IP has been so meticulous, I figured this part would be stress free & we would both know expectations and be on the same page, but nope :(

I am almost 34 weeks and a tad worried since we don't have any logistics or a plan in place yet.  Baby is measuring very big and so am I! LOL

 

 

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beachalice    24

Have you talked with your IP about goals for birth?

I talked at matching and and the psych eval about my preferences for birth.  We added a clause to our contract as well to address my preferences.

Beyond your preferences (induce or not, pain management, etc), are you certain your IP will make it to the birth?  When does your OB want you to come in? When should you contact your IP? Maybe you can ask about goals for prenatal care in case baby arrives before the IP? Are you going to pump for Baby? 

Do you know who all is allowed in the room?  What about a photographer?

Have you had a hospital tour yet to know how they will handle separate rooms for y'all?  

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traci72    202

Surrogate me- I always wanted to know what my IP's wishes were for the baby, in the event that they didn't make it in time for the birth. Did they want the vit. K shot, eye ointment, any other shots recommended, if it was a boy, what were their circ. wishes? Did they prefer the baby be cared for by the nurses or would they want me to watch over baby? Did they want photos of the birth and if so, were they ok w/me finding someone or did they have someone in mind? Were they ok w/being in the room w/me during labor? During the delivery? What were their hopes/wishes/expectations during our time in the Birthing Center. (including after the delivery) It was important to me, that they understand that I know my own body and how I labor, and that they be ok w/my choice for pain management. (I don't use med's and wanted to make sure that it wasn't something that they would try to push on me) Because it is a whole family endeavor for me and my family, in the beginning, it was important for me, that my children see my IP's w/their child as a family. That they understand what their sacrifices were for and that they helped support these people becoming a complete family and that no, the baby was NOT coming home w/us. (lol) It turned into something that has actually happened w/each delivery, but at the request of my IP's and not me, which I felt was very kind and thoughtful. I wanted to try and include them as much as they were comfortable and as much as possible w/the labor/birth, while still being able to maintain my typical birth "routine", and staying w/in the allowed framework of my Birthing Center.

 

Coordinator me- This is something that I feel an agency can/should help facilitate if the surrogate and/or IP's would like help w/this. It's always something that I hope is discussed during matching and contracts, but sometimes it's not. A coordinator can help open the lines of communication between all parties to help find out what each expects or hopes might happen. Understand that any/all plans need to remain flexible because labors do not always go as planned. We can help explain some of the potential "what-if's" that could arise to the IP's and maybe bring up things that they hadn't thought of. What happens in an emergency c-section? What are their expectations if the surrogate can only have 1 person in there? (in an emergent c-section, NOBODY but medical professional will be allowed in) We can help navigate things w/the hospital/birthing center as needed as well. In some cases, if needed, a coordinator can be present on the sidelines to help where needed. 

 

You should feel free to reach out to your agency at any point to help navigate this part if you feel you'd like that help.

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NJLyn    4

Thank you all so much, so many good ideas. I compiled a list and sent to my IM at week 30. Hopefully we can decide on an "estimated plan" so I know what her wishes are for her baby. :storkgirl:

Neither she nor I have any strong objections or religious beliefs that would pose a problem, but birth is such a sacred, special event and end to this journey, I want it to be special for her and baby and meaningful. There is a lot to consider!

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NJLyn    4

OB scheduled my induction for December 20th. If I don't go into labor before then. Hard to believe this journey is almost over, I'm excited and so very nervous!! It seems like YEARS ago since I was stalking these forums for medication advice, transfer, 2ww, HCG, etc. Come a long way!  Wish I could do one more journey but life is taking me in a different direction.

Good luck to everyone else moving right along in their pregnancies :dancingdots:

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NJLyn    4

Delivery was very easy, no complications! Strange being in the hospital room alone after though. I didn't ask my family to come out of privacy for my IP. I'd recommend future surrogates have someone come to the hospital as "your" support. Help get you snacks or food, talk to you, just guide you through especially if you have much pain.

My mom instincts kicked in and I felt restless lol..no baby to tend to, but I did get to sleep. Just stayed overnight. 

I would definitely suggest to any surrogates in the contract phase out there, to ensure a birth plan is in writing. Insist on it.

I didn't get to hold the baby as I hoped I would. Or even see her for that matter. IM didn't want me near her, which was a sudden change of events. I respect her choice, and thankful to be part of bringing this little girl into the world! I think being able to see or hold the little one helps with closure. Because surrogacy is so rare in my area, the medical staff, OB, hospital social worker, etc, were all worried about my emotions and kept asking me questions about my mental health over and over...somewhat awkward, but I knew from day one, I was choosing to be a gest. surrogate for the right reasons. I guess I was just surprised how distant and cold my IM become after delivery, but everyone handles their emotions different. Definitely emotional to see the journey come to a close. I am so thankful everything went so well, many months preparing and double checking, wondering..All of the nurses were so awesome. Although my journey is over, my heart aches for all the families out there struggling with infertility, I hope more women are encouraged to become surrogates. What a life changing experience!

**Just choose your agency and IP(s) wisely and trust your instincts. Do A LOT of research. Plan everything that you possibly can but be flexible. Communicate. Express your goals too, as the surrogate. Be actively engaged. 

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beachalice    24

Congrats on an easy labor!  I hope you're able to rest and heal quickly. 

I'm so sorry your IM had a change of heart.  I know it hurts.  You were trusted for so long, and all of a sudden not at all. :( 

Will you be able to see the baby before she goes home?

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