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PhysChic

Anyone have problems at work?

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PhysChic    3

Hi all!  It's been quite a while since I've been on these boards.  I was a successful surrogate back in the 2014/2015 range, at which point I was a grad student and had a reasonably supportive advisor (who got a little annoyed with me being less productive toward the end of pregnancy, but that's beside the point).  Now, I'm at a full-time job and doing fairly well, but I'm a little worried about another surrogacy potentially affecting my career long-term--if someone who has control over my advancement has something against surrogacy or something like that.  Has anyone on here had any experience one way or another with this sort of thing?  I'm super excited about doing another surrogacy, but I also don't want to cripple my career in the process...

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NJLyn    4

I would go with your gut instinct on this one. As long as you are positive that surrogacy is right for you, you have a good family support system, I would say go for it. Of course, I understand you don't want to jeopardize your future career options. Especially if you just started a new job, that could be tricky.

I know we like to think our superiors cannot use our personal beliefs/choices against us in the workplace, but they do. A lot of it depends on your work ethic and attitude during the surrogacy, I think. At least for me. I was worried how my coworkers and manager would take it. I have remained reliable, hard working and tried to reassure them I am still dedicated to my job. I'm sure there are married women, pregnant with their own child naturally, who face some kind of discrimination in the workplace too. Even if it's unspoken. Just being kind, honest and a good employee speaks volumes for your character.

We transferred in April and I didn't tell my manager/coworkers until August when I was showing. Surrogacy isn't right for everyone, but it's your choice to make. I am so glad I did! I have not forced my opinions about surrogacy on anyone who has made negative remarks (there have been quite a few) instead, I hope it helps open their eyes to how painful infertility can be for some families and how wonderful being a surrogate is. Maybe they can appreciate how awesome it is to be so selfless and giving to help one another. I've had people hug me and tear up when they learn I'm a surrogate. And I've had others that had no idea surrogacy was even possible, they are just amazed.

You never know what reaction you will get when people find out. My immediate manager speaks of it like a business transaction, I don't have good feedback from him. He is just worried about my completed work. If you truly want to be a surrogate again, and it affects your current position/advancement, there are always more jobs out there that would love to have you, I'm sure. I wish I could do a second journey but I am switching my career & the new position will have a mandatory probation period where I can't miss any work, and will be more physical than my current job, so sadly one journey is all I can commit to.

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adoubleux57    8

At the time I announced my pregnancy to my supervisor, i had not researched much about her beliefs (she is a Jehovah witness), when all she said was "okay" with a blank look on her face i realized she did not believe in surrogacy. However, after my pregnancy was over she did ask about how the baby was doing and how i was doing so i think with my strong work ethic, she didn't really seem to care and my position has not been jeopardized (I was only on the job for about 4-5 months before becoming pregnant). My belief is, if its meant to be, it'll be. Hoping everything works out great for you and have a smooth pregnancy!

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PhysChic    3

Thanks for the advice!  I definitely think I'm going to move forward with a second surrogacy :).  How did you inform people at work?  Did you have a private meeting with your supervisors or wait until it became obvious and someone brought it up?  I realize that it's probably the same basic concept as any pregnancy, but I honestly don't remember how I've done it before and this is the first time I've been in such a professional environment.

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traci72    202

:omg:....YOU'RE BACK!!!!! So good to see you again!! I had wondered what you were up to. I've never worked in a "professional" setting (I'm not counting working as a surro-coordinator, as I knew that wouldn't be an issue) during any of mine, however, I've had it put my job at risk. Initially my 1st employer (well, employer during 1st surrogacy) was supportive and I was open from the very beginning, before ever even getting to transfer. Once I was open that it was for a same-sex couple, everything changed. She started threatening me that if I cost us members, she would fire me. That I was NOT *allowed* to discuss or mention anything about the pg at all, and that if the members asked me point blank, I was not allowed to respond. I had worked for her for almost 4yrs before this surro-pg, so she knew I was a hard worker and dedicated to the club. It was the most difficult and challenging time there and there were some of her 'friends' that would spy on me, make comments about how I had bills to pay so needed to sell a baby, etc. What I learned from them was to not be as open as what I naturally am. I started keeping things to myself, giving vague answers when asked questions, not referring to gender EVER when asked about the IP's. (my 2nd IP's were IM/IF, so I figured she would finally be ok w/it, but by that point, she was just pissed at me, as well as her own DD was struggling w/infertility) 

 

Since that experience, I haven't shared until I was confirmed pg and only if it made a noticeable impact (severe nausea/MS), which was really only w/the job after I left the above horrible one. I told that boss because it was a small family owned business and most of my job was making caramel corn, fudges, truffles, meltaways, etc, and depending on where in the process I was for whatever I was making, someone would have to step in because it was all about the timing of the product. (when the cooker buzzed for the caramel corn, you have to get it IMMEDIATELY or you just burned everything, have to toss it and start all over...way too costly) 

 

The fact that you've been through this before gives you more insight of what to expect, which can be helpful in explaining, if you need to. Assuring them that you will do your best to keep the impact to your job at a minimum and they see the hard worker that I know you are, I would hope that would be a positive. And if they try to give you crap.....I'm up for a road trip!!

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traci72    202

This was the letter she wrote as an apology to the club members about my "offensiveness". (and plug the business)

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traci72    202

What was "funny" was that NOBODY KNEW it was a surrogate pg....or even that I was pg around the time she posted this....UNTIL she put this out and tried to get the members that *she* felt would be bothered by me, to sign it. 

 

At least 90+% of the members were offended that the owner wrote this letter and was forbidding me from talking about it, so one gal came up w/a "code". She (and others) would ask me how the "remodeling" was going, when potentially questionable members were in the club. We knew who most of them were, but I found out just a couple of years ago, that the owner offered to waive several months of dues for spying on me....and several did this!

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PhysChic    3

Wow!  I'll start with--that candy job sounds awesome.  I completely fail every time I try to make caramel corn.  I can get the caramel all right, but I can never get it to evenly coat the popcorn.  It just ends up being popcorn with some caramel blobs on it.

Anyways, thanks for sharing your perspective :) It's so annoying when people are awful like that just because something makes them uncomfortable.  I'm really crossing my fingers that I don't turn out to be working for one of those "bad eggs."  My workplace itself is incredibly inclusive and supportive, so I just have to worry about the possibility that a direct supervisor might be offended by surrogacy and make my life suck for a while.  Here's hoping I'm just being super paranoid!

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beachalice    24

My guess, without knowing how competitive you local market is, would be that even if you get passed over for a promotion while pregnant, it would be hard for any one person to ruin your overall trajectory.  

If you're a good, hard worker with a strong ability to network with colleagues, it should all work out fine. 

Best wishes!

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