Becky c

Advice wanted please

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Becky c    0

Hi everyone!

For a basic background I am considering being a surrogate for my friends who are in a (male) same sex marriage! They will both be fantastic parents and I have no concerns In their support towards me, if we were to go ahead with this. 

I am looking for experienced surrogates who have children of their own and their experiences in how their own children dealt with it. 

I have a very supportive husband and my children are 6,5 and 3. 

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traci72    202

In the US, it is a requirement to have and be raising your own children, in order to be a surrogate. (it's not a requirement in the UK) You will find that children are much more accepting and resilient than adults are when it comes to surrogacy. Explaining what surrogacy is, why some people need to turn to surrogacy to build their family, that it is NOT *you* baby but that baby belongs to the family you are helping, on their age level, you'll find that they accept it and move on. 

 

When I 1st started, my youngest was 1 1/2yrs old, so of course she couldn't understand anything, but she knew mommy was taking care of M&O's baby for them, though to what level she "got it", I don't know. She has grown up w/surrogacy, so to her, that's how everyone got their babies. She would tell people that you had to go to Canada and a special Dr put the baby in. My oldest was 10yrs old when we 1st started (w/2 other kids in between these 2) and was able to understand what I wrote above. He was even our birth photographer for my 1st 3 surrogate deliveries. He knew that some people couldn't have their own children w/out the help of others, and he felt it was important (as did I) that if you can do something to help someone, that if it's in your power (mentally, physically, etc) and you felt called to do it, then you should. He said it was a "no brainer" for our family to be involved in surrogacy. Granted over the last 10yrs he's had a lot of fun w/it and at my expense (gotta love a teenager that yells in the halls in school that his mother is knocked up by other guys and his dad doesn't mind...), he's also helped explain it and use it to educate others. 

 

There are several books that can also help....Sophie's Broken Crayon, The Kangaroo Pouch...that explain surrogacy.

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beachalice    24

:welcome:

Kids that age don't really understand yet the traditional way of conceiving a baby, so it just makes sense when you tell them the doctor put someone else's baby in there. :wub:

Best wishes!

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PhysChic    3

My kids were 5 and 3 when I did my first journey.  It wasn't too hard to explain to them that the baby wasn't ours (we also bought the kids book that explains surrogacy using kangaroos).  We had to occasionally correct their teachers so they didn't get confused, but it was all really smooth otherwise.

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traci72    202
9 hours ago, jess007 said:

Hello, my sister will also soon join the program of surrogacy. At first, she also considered the option that her friend could be a surrogate mother. But later we refused this option. You have to understand, you will see this child very often, if these men are your friends. I think it's not a very good option, becomes surrogate mother for them. And also tell me please, in your country is the option of the fact that you will become a surrogate mother for a same-sex couple? It seems to me that they need to consult on this issue with a lawyer and a clinic.

I must say that overall, you are not terribly understanding of surrogacy, so it's a good thing that you are (hopefully) doing much research. YOU have to understand that carrying for a family member or friends often works out wonderfully. It sounds like you are projecting your own fears of someone bonding w/the baby and hurting your sister vs what actually happens. As for your comments about carrying for a same-sex couple, that is a concern that only they need to have, and both the US and the UK DO allow carrying for same-sex couples. Finally, it doesn't make a bit of difference as to whether someone is carrying for family, close friends, same-sex couple's, single IP's, traditional IM/IF, etc, it is a REQUIREMENT that EVERYONE has their own attorney. Some US states allow in a TS situation to do things at home, but for a GS situation, it's common knowledge and a given that it has to be done at a clinic. You kinda can't do IVF at home.

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Becky c    0

Not quite sure how to reply to individual comments, so thank you to every one for the advice and answering the concerns I mentioned in my original post. 

Jess007 I am not concerned about if being a surrogate for friends is a good idea for me, as in my own opinion for my situation it is the only option for me if I am going to be a surrogate!

Also I think listening to your sister considering going through the process and doing it yourself does not give you the same experience as someone considering to do it themselves.

The same sex couple I am considering helping to have their own child which wouldn’t be possible with out this journey will 100% be the best parents I know and I will count myself lucky to see the child grow in such a loving home! 

we live in the UK which is supportive of such surrogacy, so legal advice will be taken as and when needed. 

I understand why you felt the need to post but I do feel your sisters worries are completely different to someone else and to say you don’t think it is a good idea for a person you don’t know is not required, in most cases their closest family and friends would have already raised any concern you could name. 

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traci72    202

I apologize for allowing the comment through initially, Becky. The person that posted that is from Ukraine and very questionable. We have had an ongoing issue w/that country, spamming this site, trying to push surrogacy being done there. I did remove comments that they posted, though because I quoted it, that part is still there. Other comments made included "allowing" the sister to do this, pushing clinics, etc. Only you can decide what is right for you, and by asking questions and reading here, you are doing your research and educating yourself more about surrogacy and the process. That's exactly what people should do when exploring surrogacy. (no matter what side of it you're on) 

 

It is of import to understand that the UK does not honor contracts, but you should still consult a barrister regarding the proper steps all parties should take. While this is a US based site, several of us do have some knowledge of surrogacy in the UK and can direct you to others as well.

 

 

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adoubleux57    8

Hi Becky!

Personally, my children took it very well and had somewhat of a full grasp of the idea and concept. Our last journey they were 3, 7, and 10 when we transferred and was successful. The entire pregnancy we always talked about the baby in the terms of "___ and ___'s baby", since the IPs were able to visit a few times, they were able to put faces to the names and formed an amazing bond with them.By the time delivery came, they fully knew that this was not going to be their "brother" but simply a baby for another mom and dad. Since birth, we have kept in contact and the kids get to see them through skype. I was personally very surprised how well they actually understood what was going on and that the baby was not related to us. I think you will be pleasantly surprised too :)! 

 

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