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Ihumanise

Introducing myself, and my unique role as a Traditional Surrogate!

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Ihumanise    0

Hello lovelies,

I've been reading posts here for some time now and decided to finally introduce myself and my situation.

My journey to becoming a TS is different than most, so I'd like to bounce some information off of you all to (1) gather resources, (2) have a little support and wisdom from others who have gone through this. 

 

About one year ago, a friend of a friend reached out to me about becoming a surrogate for him. The IP is a single father of 2 girls. The IP would like to balance his family out with a son or two (twin boys or two single pregnancies if possible). 

Knowing this individual for quite some time, I immediately had the urge to say yes. His family is affluent, live a very comfortable international lifestyle, and are known to be good-hearted. However, my first discussion with him brought up one question: who will be a mother figure for these boys? He asked me to play whatever degree of a mother role I feel comfortable with. Being the kind of person I am, I would want to be very involved with the upbringing of these children. 

 

The IPs ideal outcome is one or two sons, so IVF with gender selection would be required.... However, I am concerned that gender selection/ genetic screening may not be an option granted we both have great family medical histories.

That brings me to my first set of questions: 

(1) have any of you undergone IVF with Gender Selection? 

(2) do you know of any clinics (ideally in or near Seattle) that would be willing to help us with Gender Selection? 

(3) has anyone dealt with clinics in Seattle in general? 

* Note: both the IP and myself have residence in Seattle, but we also frequently travel for our respective careers, so we are mobile especially in California and Asia.... We are just looking for the right clinic for our needs! 

 

Also, it should be mentioned that I have never been pregnant. While in Asia for work a few months back, I went to a fertility specialist for initial screenings. Everything looked great at that time, so the IP and I decided to move forward. 

Because of this unique situation, I am not sure if I should be talking to clinics as if I am a Surrogate, or as a woman who would like to perform IVF with PGS for personal use. 

Thoughts? How do I approach IVF clinics with this information? 

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traci72    202

I'm going to have to come back and respond when I'm better able to put my thoughts down so that they don't sound opposite of how I intend, but I will say that in no way, at this point in time, do you qualify as a surrogate. TS or GS. One of the requirements is that you have to have given birth to and raising at least one child. Period. You don't know if you can get pg or stay pg, let alone how you would handle those emotions. Also, in no shape or form does any surrogacy arrangement ever include any type of "mother" role or involved in the upbringing of a surrogate baby. 

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beachalice    24

I would ask if you intend to be a surrogate OR a mother to the child. These are two mutually exclusive roles. 

If it is your intent to become a parent with your co-parent partner, I would suggest a parenting agreement for child visitation and child support much the same as if you have just gotten a divorce. This would be the only way to protect yourself, your child, and your child's father.   This agreement would not be considered surrogacy in any form. 

If it is your intent to be a surrogate, it is a requirement in most situations to wait until your family is established and you know whether your body is capable of handle a healthy pregnancy. There are gestational surrogates in their late 30s to early 40s so there is time to complete your family.  Your psychological evaluation and legal contract need to be complete before contacting any clinics. 

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