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MusicalBv

Gestational Surrogacy, but i've never had my own children.

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MusicalBv    0

Hi everyone,

I am possibly going to be a surrogate for my sister, she has tried to get pregnant via transfer but none of them have taken. I am wondering if anyone who has never had children ever been cleared to be a gestational surrogate for a family member? I have never had intercourse or my own child. I know they like you to have had your own family already and things like that but i really want to do this for her.  I have to go and get clearance from my OB/GYN, and PCP and i am just wondering if anyone has any experience in this area.

Thanks!

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traci72    202

While it has happened for family members, it is exceptionally rare. Surrogacy is NOT cheap and even w/you carrying for no comp, your sister is still looking at $40-80K for the entire process. You living in NY gives many added issues and potential road blocks/complications due to the very negative laws there. There are many requirements to qualify to be a surrogate, which the biggest one you already don't meet. 

*21yrs old minimum

*financially stable

*no govt. assistance...financial or medical

*no drug/alcohol/tobacco use

*support system in place

*given birth and raising that child/ren

*pass psychological evaluation

*pass background checks

*pass medical screening

 

These are just some of the requirements. The goal of surrogacy is to minimize as many risks as possible, and being frank, you having never carried a pg before adds a significant risk, both physically and financially. You do not know if you can get pg or stay pg. Your mental health is also greatly put at risk because you do not know or understand what it's like to go through a pg and give birth....and then to hand that child back to it's parents. That can be challenging for surrogates that meet all the requirements. It's also very difficult to understand the implications of if you were to lose your own fertility, whether just a tube or ovary, needing a complete hysterectomy and almost potentially losing your life. 

 

While I think it's great that you have the heart to want to help your sister, I truly do not feel that it is in either's best interest. I would strongly urge both you and your sister to do extensive research into surrogacy to better understand the implications.

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texasmom    0

I think one big consideration is that all pregnancy carries risk of loss of reproductive organs. What if something is to happen and you can never have kid of your own in the future? Would you be okay with taking that risk? Another consideration is the physical aspect of getting pregnant itself: the physical demands, hormonal changes, mood swing, morning sickness etc. There is a big difference between jumping into something irreversible for 9 months knowing what to expect (somewhat) and not knowing anything. 

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traci72    202

Another thing to consider is this...how will your sister be able to handle it if you lose your fertility or uterus due to carrying a child for her? Can she live w/herself knowing that you had 1 chance potentially to have your own child, and heaven forbid, you would never be able to have your own?

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MusicalBv    0

Hi!

In response to some of your comments (thank you for responding, i really appreciate it!)

I do not want children of my own, so if i can't bear any after POSSIBLY helping i'm really not upset about it(i come from a family of 13 + including adopted children and the like.) I have a good stable job, good insurance, etc. etc.

I'm just wondering if it has ever worked out for a gestational surrogate who has never had children. If you know of anyone that this has done this whether it has worked out or no please send them to this thread! Thanks!

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traci72    202

I've seen/heard many comment that they never wanted to have children and watched them change their minds 10-15yrs down the road. My Uncle and his wife are a perfect example. Nope, don't want kids. Both from larger families, do.not.want.kids!!! 25yrs later they decided that yep, they actually did want kids. Things change. Situations change. Dreams change. It's fine and dandy that you don't want kids now, but you do NOT know where you'll be at in 10-15-20yrs from now, no matter how much anyone wants to argue that. 

 

And as I mentioned, yes, this situation has happened VERY RARELY, for family members. It turns out bad, more times than not, for various reasons, but it can end very positively also. Most of these people do not stay around afterwards, however, so there really isn't anyone to pop in to share. You need to talk to an RE about this as well as a psychologist that is experienced w/third party reproduction/surrogacy. You need to understand, and it doesn't seem like you're either wanting to or are glossing it over, is that you are UNPROVEN. You have zero clue if you can even get pg or hold a pg. You could have the same thing going on w/you that your sister does and not know it. But you're asking her to spend many ten's of thousands of $$$$ to try a risky situation, where she could lose everything. 

 

Please contact an RE and discuss this at length before trying to get anyone's hopes up.

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