Toto

IPs in New York

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Toto    0

Like many on here, we are overwhelmed by the amount of surrogacy agencies out there, and associated costs and complexities.

We are in the NYC area. We are the lucky parents of a 5yr and 3yr old. I am 40, my wife is 39. We really wanted a third child and got pregnant during the summer of 2017. My wife had a very complicated pregnancy, which sadly ended in us losing our son at 23 weeks, and my wife lost her uterus. While we are still grieving, we are considering surrogacy or adoption to grow our family to 3 children before it's too late. Like most we are concerned about the costs, uncertainty, risks, emotional impact, timeline, etc. We are also concerned about our advanced age and a lower success rate. We might try to free embryos in the next few months. We would like to find out more.

We are open to agencies in other states in any part of the country, particularly if there are advantages worth traveling for. We are also open to skipping an agency and looking for gestational carrier independently. We also realize the surrogate mothers are giving the most precious gift to IPs, and would like to maximize whatever benefits and compensation we can pass on. I am concerned about using an agency that is only concerned about profit, and meanwhile the IPs and GCs needs are lost. In my opinion, the GC needs to cared for well.

From my understanding, it seems NY is a no go, NJ might be OK, CT should work, PA is a no go.

Can you recommend any specific agencies?

We have been referred to New England Fertility Institute, Surrogacy Source (Fertility Source Companies), Growing Generations, Conceivabilities, Circle Surrogacy. Any comments on any of these?

If going the independent route what is the best way to find GCs? How is https://www.findsurrogatemother.com/

Any help is appreciated to get us going in the right direction.

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traci72    202

Welcome!! I've had personal experience w/NEFI and LOVED Dr. Lavy!!! He is responsible for my last surro-pg. Growing Generations and Conceivabilities are incredibly expensive (GG is probably the 2nd most expensive agency out there) and Conceivabilities issues 1099's to the surrogates, requiring them to pay significant taxes on their compensation and potentially pushes them into much higher tax brackets. (they are often taxed at 30% on their comp) I have known quite a few surrogates that live in PA, and that is a state where the agency I work for looks to have our NJ surrogates deliver, if close enough. CT is also surro-friendly. You def. do not have to use an agency close to you, and I can bump another thread where I have several less costly agencies if you would like. 

 

If you prefer to go independently, we do have a Classified's section here as well, where you can either place your own ad, respond to an add that a surrogate has placed herself, or both.

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Toto    0

Thanks for your reply. Is there any particular advantage with going with GG or Conceivabilities or the larger or more expensive agencies? Do they provide anything beyond what the smaller agencies do? I ask because while cost is important, this is not something we would like to get done cheaply. We are not looking for the best deal, at least that is not the primary objective. The most important aspects to us would be finding the right match, less hoops to jump through with state laws and fertility centers, safety, respect for both parties wishes, highest chance of success, least aggravation, choices if things turn sour. With a smaller agency, perhaps there is a higher risk that they don't have all the resources, but there is also a good chance they will offer a more personalized service - do you agree? It seems the main reason to work with an agency is that the do a lot of hand-holding, find you match, pre-screen GCs, help with paperwork and legalities, point you to the right resources, and can pick up the phone when you run into issues - to me this these things are worth the 15-25k fees they charge.

I will take a look at some of the agencies (Family Markers, 3 sisters, Heartland, Parenting Partners, Angel Matcher) from the other thread and also NEFI. Any ideas about The Surrogacy Experience and A Woman's Gift?

What is a realistic timeline for the whole journey? Does it take 6+ months to get a GC match?

 

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traci72    202

No, there is zero advantage, other than paying more money and a surrogate being forced to pay taxes on her comp. I looked at GG when I was 1st researching agencies and had a bad experience w/them and dropped them from my list. Friends of mine (an IP and his GS) were abandoned by GG in the middle of the surrogate's pg, costing the IP significantly more $$, because GG kept everything that was in escrow that was meant for the GS. Because of these and a few other minor things, I have never been able to recommend them in good conscience. There are surrogates that have had good experiences w/them, but they just really left a bad taste in my mouth. As a surrogate, I would never work w/Conceivabilities because of the 1099. They are not always forthcoming w/their surrogates about this either. Over the last 6-8mos, I've seen and talked to quite a few that were not made aware that this was going to happen, until they were already pg and unable to back out. I feel that's pretty shady of an agency to do. If they are 100% transparent from the get go and the surrogate is fully aware of the implications and still chooses to move forward, that's totally fine, but to essentially hide it is wrong. 

 

Not all agencies offer the same services, many do at all different costs. The agencies that I referenced in that other post are full-service agencies that do all that prescreening of the GS (and IP's) and offer the level of handholding and personalized service that you might need. They are there to be a mediator between the GS and IP's if needed, they can help arrange all travel, appts if need be. Some are able to attend appts if it is requested, they can help find attorneys, etc. I've gone through an agency for every single surrogacy that I have done, because I prefer having that added level of protection and safety. I could very easily manage going indy on my own, but I don't like discussing the financial part of things, whether it be comp, fees, lost wages, reimbursements, etc. 

 

As a program coordinator for an agency, I do absolutely everything that needs to be done from helping to find qualified surrogates through to the birth and post-partum period. I've had surrogates w/us that I was in communication w/them on a daily basis that really wanted and needed more involvement from the agency, and have other surrogates that I just check in w/every few weeks or once a month. It's whatever they need/want. Sometimes the IP's would like for someone to be present for the transfer, a big U/S, the birth, etc, as a support for them or the surrogate. Most agencies will try to be just as accommodating as they can and as needed.

 

Depending on what you're looking for in a surrogate and if there are potential matches, you could be matched right away, or I've seen IP's wait more than a year for a match for specific requirements. My fastest match was immediately as soon as my OB records were cleared, my longest match was 3-4mos I think. I had very few requirements when looking for IP's though, which helped. What took me the longest for matching was only being open to doing a SET (single embryo transfer). 

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