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janehopeful

New to surrogacy

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janehopeful    0

I’m waiting to schedule my home visit and I have no clue what to expect, my flight to do my psych evaluation is next week. I’m so excited and nervous. I’m so worried intended parents won’t like me is this a normal thought or am I overthinking? 

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traci72    202

To address your 2nd post, the same person may click on your thread multiple times and it will count each time separately. If someone is not a member of the site (which means that they can NOT post at all), they can still read/view threads and they will be counted. There are bots that routinely scan websites as well, for key words (Google, Yahoo, etc) and those register as views as well. Some people read the threads but have not had experience and thus don't respond and sometimes things are just slow. This is not often a site that you should expect immediate responses and also have to keep in mind that not everyone is able to respond, offer advice or have been in your shoes to be helpful.

 

That said, I was not able to respond when I initially approved your post, because I was called away between dealing w/multiple kids, dinner and my full time job and didn't realize until I was about to go to sleep early for my part time job (which I would typically be getting up between 3:30-4:30am and so need to try to get to sleep really early), that I actually have tomorrow off, so came back to reply. Matching, and not just for the 1st time, feels a lot like a blind date!! (even subsequent matches feel like this!) You do worry about if they will like you, will they "get" your sense of humor, if it's an in person meeting...are you dressed ok?? One thing to remember is that the IP's are also thinking the same things! My DH and I met in person w/my 1st IP's before we officially agreed to the match. We both were overthinking what we were going to wear, should we bring a gift, should we be more 'serious' or was humor ok, what if they didn't like us or what if we said something that might offend them? We all got there w/awkward greetings and went to sit down. It was rather tense for the 1st 5-10mins, and then everything just fell into place and we had such a great time, I almost forgot I had to pick our boys up from school! Later that afternoon, I had an email waiting for me from the IP's, and they even made a comment in the email about it feeling like a blind date. They shared the concerns that they had had about the meeting, and it was almost identical to ours. 

 

The best advice I can offer, is to just be yourself. Try not to over think it. If you know there are specific things you'd like to bring up, make a list. I knew I wanted to know certain things, such as family support, what kind of involvement did they want, how many embryos were they wanting to transfer, termination, S/R, did they have specific requests that they had for me during the pg, etc. I did was curious about how they met, how they decided on surrogacy, and it was important for me to make sure that they knew that we were not making any demands on them after the birth. It was THEIR child and THEIR family...we already had our own. If they wanted to keep in touch, that was great, but that it was also ok if they chose not to and we didn't want them to ever feel that they were being forced. Their DD will be 10yrs old this year and they have still kept in touch. They come back to visit family (they moved from the area when she was a year old) every 2yrs and we get an immediate call before they get here, to set up a date where we can spend some time together. 

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janehopeful    0

I didn’t mean to sound rude with my second comment I was as unsure if I had posted in the right place, on another thread it said I didn’t have permission to post and I got sad.

thank you for the advice and what to expect/questions to ask. No one I talk to on a day to day basis really understands the nervousness I have about it. 

I have a small Home and I am trying to declutter before the visit. 

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traci72    202

When I started, my DH made a comment about me talking about the different websites I was on and surrogacy stuff, because I wasn't saying a ton to him. (this was way before FB groups were a thing) I felt bad because I thought maybe he felt I was cutting him out of things, when that wasn't the case. I started talking to him a lot more about concerns, the process and more, and he tells me to "go back to the sites! Hahaha!" because he wasn't getting it. I tend to talk in acronyms and "surro-lingo shorthand" stuff and he was so LOST! Unless someone has BTDT or has some experience w/surrogacy, they just don't understand on the same level as what we need. When I'm talking about a "friend", my kids will ask if it's a normal friend or a surro-friend! LOLOL!!!

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janehopeful    0

Haha my oldest is 6 and he’s already telling me I need more friends (obviously he’s sick of hearing me say the same old things) 

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