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Darn pg brain!!!

Posted by traci72  , 02 December 2009 - 02:50 PM

Ok, so I forgot to update about the U/S. We ("I") were expecting to see 2 little ones in there, but that's not what we got. I had had heavy bleeding about a week and a half before, that was apparently me losing the other embryo. I was really sad/upset and in a bit of shock over that and even apologized to J&R while trying not to cry. I know there is nothing I could have done....nobody could have done anything...but still. The good news is that there is 1 strong little one in there w/a nice strong HB...151. J&R are definately going to be parents!! I'm so thrilled for them. Our 1st prenatal appt is Dec.11 when they will get to meet my Dr. I can't wait!

1st day of my downfall

Posted by traci72  , 01 December 2009 - 11:41 PM

So today was the day. The 1st day I had to puke. YUCK! I've been able to talk myself out of it up until now, but I just couldn't stop it this morning. Of course now that I have once (ok, so TECHNICALLY it was the dry heaves as there was nothing in my pouch, but still) it's just that much more likely to happen again. I was truly hoping to make it w/out physically throwing up, but I guess it's just not in the cards. I feel like absolute crap and am almost completely useless. I'm praying that it eases up soon as I don't think I can make it any real length of time w/out having my Dr call in a script for zofran. I don't want to do that, but if I keep feeling this bad and can't eat/drink much of anything, I'm going to have to go for the meds. I'm praying hard!!!

So-so

Posted by traci72  , 14 November 2009 - 02:26 PM

Not much to say at this point other than I'm so far from patiently waiting for our U/S. I'm thinking I should just call up Tom Cruise and see if I could borrow his personal machine....hhhhmmmmmm. Been starting to have some nausea, but no pattern to it whatsoever. Sometimes there's just a hint when I wake up in the morning, then it's gone. Maybe a couple hours later (or really when I'm not expecting it) it'll come back...off and on through the day. Still, I've been through much worse, so this isn't so bad. I gained about 6-7lbs from the lupron, but didn't really notice it until a week ago maybe? Couldn't keep my jeans buttoned w/out it being REALLY uncomfortable. Hoping it'll go away w/in this next week. I do not like the idea, and really think it's nuts, that I might start popping out so incredibly soon. Oh, if I do I do I guess. Can't do anything about it. Unless something big happens between now and then, I probably won't update again until our U/S.

OMG I don't think I was quite prepared for this...

Posted by traci72  , 09 November 2009 - 05:38 PM

Well, this morning was my beta...13dp5dt since 12dp was a Sunday. I went in and had blood drawn by 8:45am but the guy told me I couldn't call back and get the results. He did however, give me a different # and said they could help me. He also was explaining to me that if the beta was under 500, it would take 30mins or less to get the results. If it was over 500 then it had to start to dilute or something to get an accurate reading and would take about 45mins. Ok, so I waited exactly 45mins and called the # he gave me. At 1st the woman I talked to said she couldn't give the info over the phone, but when I told her what it was for, she was going to. Problem....when she pulled it up, it said "still pending". WTF does that mean??? I called Holli and was stressing...does it mean it's over 500? Does it mean that the guy didn't run it right away? WHAT??? While I had her on the cell phone, I used the house phone to call back about 20-25mins later and got a different woman. Nope, sorry, you gotta come in. I was there in less than 5mins w/Holli still on the phone. (kinda holding my hand through it) I lost her in the elevator, but that was probably a good thing. I signed the papers, flashed my license and she handed me "the paper". I jokingly asked her if I could scream if it was good news, and she said sure. Well, I saw the # and about passed out. She told me to scream, so I did....loudly! I brought several people running out of their offices to see what had happened. (the gal was so nice...she told them all "It's a happy scream. A good one...I told her to go ahead") I started crying and was shaking so bad,....I had 3 other ladies crying alone w/me! So, are you ready? My beta was 2717!!!! I'm thinking holy twins Batman! I was able to have both my IF's on the phone w/me so I could tell them at the same time. It wouldn't have been right to tell them seperately, or tell 1 and let him tell the other. I still feel a bit like it's a dream, but I'm SOOOOOO freaking excited for them!! I truly hope both embies took. That would be just so perfect for them. Now I just have to get through the next 2 1/2wks to the U/S........have I ever mentioned that I'm not patient? :woofreakinhoo:/> :woofreakinhoo:/> :woofreakinhoo:/>

A new and fresh begining

Posted by traci72  , 26 October 2009 - 12:50 PM

I'm here at my hotel 'resting' after my 1st and ONLY transfer w/J&R and am already playing out dates in my head about when might be a good day to test. We transerred 1 embie from each of them, and they looked BEAUTIFUL!! Transfer was completed just a few mins after 10am Toronto time (eastern), so I'll have to keep that in mind for when I can't hold out any longer and just HAVE to POAS. I'm feeling very positive about this transfer, and not just because I want to, if that makes any sense? Everything just literally fell exactly into place the way we were hoping...transfer wasn't pushed back by even a day or anything. Embies looked perfect and the overall "feel" is more like it was w/my 1st IF's. The stress wasn't there or anxiety, other than the normal stuff. I've had a great time visiting w/J&R and it's been so much more relaxing this time. Much different than my last IP's, which is not to say they were bad in anyway, but this experience is just so much more like the 1st time around, and I think that means something. We're going to a movie later tonite, than all of us fly back home tomorrow. Their flt leaves before mine does, so I'll have about 7hrs or so hanging around the airport. (I just feel more comfortable leaving for the airport w/them rather than taking a taxi)MN GTG on Nov.7 which will be 2 days before my beta, but I'm not sure I can make it that long w/out testing....pee early, pee often and PRACTICE POAS.....I just promise that no matter when I start testing, I will NOT go through 67 HPT's this time like I did w/Maya. LOL!!!

It's the Final Countdown...

Posted by traci72  , 05 March 2009 - 03:24 PM

I haven't updated for a bit, just waiting to see what was going to happen and how this transfer would play out. According to C, this was her best cycle yet!! They ended up w/7 eggs, 6 fertilized, 5 were morulas at 3dpr....2 perfect grade 1's (morulas), 3 that were basically grade 1's, but given a grade 2. (the embryologist said he felt they'd catch up to the other 2 w/in a day) and 1 was wasn't in the same league. Due to the # and how good they looked, we are back to doing a 5dt and I'm leaving for the airport in about 2hrs for my flight. I have all my good luck charms, have all my green/yellow outfits (already wearing 1 now) my "got luck" socks, prayer shawl....you name it, I've got it to take w/me. We will only be transferring 2 again this time...after MUCH time spent trying to talk Virro into 3. I do feel really good about this transfer, especially knowing how good the embies are at this point. I guess that her other cycles it took the embies a bit longer to get to this point, so these are already ahead of the game. I'm hoping that 1 or 2 are already hatching by tomorrow morning. Transfer is supposed to be a 9:30am, which means probably around 10am or so...lol!

I've already been eating fresh pineapple (I've gone through 2 whole ones already and have 1 waiting for when I get home) Well, I'm all packed, face on (makeup), hair done...I'm ready to go!!! :ohyeah:/> :ohyeah:/>

Now we'll see how long I can hold out from :evilhpt:/>

At a crossroads and am feeling bad.

Posted by traci72  , 01 February 2009 - 03:45 PM

After doing MY research and homework BEFORE I ever signed w/IARC, I was confident about not being taxed/1099'd on the comp. I had my accountant look into, talked to the IRS, etc and was told it wasn't supposed to happen. Nothing in the tax law books or anywhere stating that it had to be reported and me pay for it. So, I agreed to move forward w/IARC. I'm now being informed that they are basically being "forced" to issue them or face possible penalties themselves. I do understand their postition in this, but blindsiding surro's literally at the last minute w/this info was terribly wrong. Taking a good number of surro's who in faith believed that they weren't going to be taxed and are therefore not prepared to be able to pay these huge taxes is unfair, hurtful and in some cases, a threat and danger to their families.

If I can only be taxed on what I was comped in 2008, I do expect to NOT see the full amt, but then that also leaves me concerned about what I may have been reimbursed for....those things that I was already taxed on and paid out of pocket, but was then paid back for it. That means I would be taxed TWICE on the same things! What about my medical expenses? There are still unpaid bills (according to my hospital and clinic) from my 1st journey, not to mention stuff from this current one. Do I have to pay taxes on that too? I know w/certainty at this point, that if this happens and I have to pay these taxes, my family will lose our home. How do I explain to my children and my MIL (who lives w/us), that we are going to be homeless because I just had to help create a family? As much as I believe in surrogacy and do not want to 'retire' yet, how can I really support something that cost me my home?

And what too, of my current journey? If I'm to be taxed on this one as well, I'm sorry, but even w/the comp and setting $ aside, I can't afford that either. I'm at a crossroads right now, because of this. I do not feel that I can continue w/this current journey knowing that it may further jeopordize my family, yet I also know this is the last shot for my IP's. I so desperately want to help them and feel a need to give them that last chance, but just not at the potential expense of my own family. What do I do???? I know that I need to choose my families well-being over my IP's, but because of what's already been invested and the entire still unknown of if this will happen or not, I just can't make a clear cut decision at this point. Then too, I would need to talk to my IP's and let them know....THAT will/would be a devestating conversation. There are still just too many "what if's" out there right now and no solid answers. I have so many fears right now and no way to irradicate them at this point.

Dreams....

Posted by traci72  , 08 January 2009 - 09:35 PM

Just a short entry about the dream I had last nite. It was a short one by my "normal" standards, but seemed so REAL. I don't recall doing another transfer, but I took a $ store HPT into the bathroom, and well, we all know what to do w/those! In a mear second a STRONG BFP showed up. I remember feeling that it was such a strong and dark BFP, that it must indicate twins. I called my IM right away and told her we were pg, but she was in disbelief. I didn't dream of the beta, but I DID dream of the U/S. I was almost 7wks at that point, and sure enough, as soon as the tech started, there were clearly :bbt:/> !!! :ohyeah:/> :ohyeah:/> :ohyeah:/> I woke up w/such elation...sat straight up and almost hollered I was so thrilled, then reality set in and I realized it was a dream. Now, I can honestly say that I've never had a dream like that...ever. Not w/my own pg's, not w/my 1st surrogacy (prior to transfer and beta, etc) I haven't even been obsessing over the transfer next month yet, so this dream really came out of the blue for me. I'm hoping that it's a sign....a POSITIVE sign of some sort. :dontknowsmilie:/> :banana:/>

Holding pattern commenced

Posted by traci72  , 18 December 2008 - 08:25 AM

Well, I'm still holding I guess. I was so hoping to at least start BCP's so that when C starts her cycle, I could be in sync w/her, but Dr. V didn't order any. It looks as if we "may" already be in sync somewhat as we are both expected to start our next cycle w/in days of each other according to my coordinator. I pray that's so. I know that C will get her protocol as soon as the clinic reopens early next month and am REALLY praying that we'll still be on schedule for an early Feb. transfer. I just hate the not knowing. I really do prefer to have a better idea of what's going on and when....in writing is the best!! I haven't emailed or talked to C for a couple of weeks either. I've been trying to give them some space to process what's going on, but feel like I *should* make contact. Got some really bad news about my cell phone bill, so I'm not up to calling her just yet, still, I think I should do something.

By this time next month I *should* be on meds and hopefully gearing up for the transfer. I know that this will be their last attempt, so I'm determined that it WILL be successful. I still am having strong twins feelings, though no reason for that. Wouldn't that just be the best for them? I'd love to be able to hand them twins, especially after everything they've been through. Here's to praying that the New Year is as prosperous for them as they deserve!! :onebaby:/> :onebaby:/>

I need waders

Posted by traci72  , 02 December 2008 - 02:36 PM

:cry:/> :cry:/> :cry:/> :cry:/> :cry:/> :cry:/> :cry:/>

My house is almost flooded w/all the tears. Today's beta was 1.0 and while I think I really knew, it still hurt so terribly bad. I called C after I got the results and just bawled on the phone, I know I shouldn't have, but I just hurt so badly for her. I know that it's not because of anything that I did or didn't do...I followed my instructions to the "T" and then some, but I still feel as if I let C&G down. I couldn't help but apologize over and over to her. I was thrilled though when she said "Well, we'll do it again in Feb and it will work". I really was afraid that she would change her mind and decide she didn't want to go through this again. I couldn't blame her if she did. As much as this is hurting me, I can only imagine what they are feeling. I will say that come Hell or high water, they WILL have a baby!!! They just HAVE to and that's all there is to it. Samantha called back and said that Melody will be sending me BCP, so I'm glad that I can get that started, so that hopefully we can cycle ASAP after the clinic reopens in Jan. That will put us transferring sometime in Feb., so they'd have a Nov. baby/ies....who knows, maybe even on my B-day!

Feb just HAS to be their month. I do NOT want them to have to go through this again!!!
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