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A few questions for current surrogates :-)

#1 User is offline   Tsurrox1 

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Posted 25 March 2012 - 07:20 PM

I haven't been here in quite a while. I am a three time traditional surrogate. I have two bio kids and six adopted children. My last child is 6 months old. His delivery went terribly wrong. I died twice on the table, my son was drowning in my blood, I was in a coma for a week, and that's the milder version. We're all fine now though. I had a complete hysterectomy. I really thought I was done having children, but I've found myself possibly wanting one more. I have 8 children though. So my question is, how many of you would even consider working with a family like ours? As a former surrogate, I don't believe I would pick us over a couple who has no children or one child. I'm also curious as to what is average TS comp now. I know what I received and it was on the lower end of average first timers. I looked at a few ads, just to get some info and saw some pretty pricey comps. My last surrogacy was two years ago, has it changed that much?

Any opinions would be appreciated. We have zero desire to adopt again. We have two sets of three siblings, all which had drug exposure prenatally and I would like to avoid that in the future. My DH is also older which excludes us from most infant adoption agencies. Please be honest :-))
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#2 User is offline   tm501 

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Posted 25 March 2012 - 07:56 PM

When picking IP's I NEVER took into account if they had children or not. To me that doesn't matter. What matters is they truly want a child, whether its their first, second, or ninth! I'm sure you could find someone.

I'm so sorry to hear about all you went through during your last pregnancy.
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#3 User is offline   luvmykids 

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Posted 25 March 2012 - 08:09 PM

I am a new GS but I wouldn't mind helping someone have a baby regardless of how many children they already had. Good luck and I am sorry to hear your last pregnancy was so bad.
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#4 User is offline   sweetbelly 

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Posted 26 March 2012 - 09:57 AM

I agree with the other ladies. I don't think that would be a factor with my decision to pick you or not. Good luck with your journey!
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#5 User is offline   kaleighs_mom06 

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Posted 26 March 2012 - 12:08 PM

I'm sorry for your loss. I have never faced what you have gone through, but I do know losing my fertility would be devastating.

I honestly would have no problems working with you, nor any IP's regardless of having children or not. IPs having children or not is not something that crosses my mind when searching or reading profiles. It makes no difference to me. To me the fact that you have been a surrogate would be a plus. Knowing that you know what I as a surrogate will be going through would be awesome. And the fact that you have adopted as my first daughter was placed for adoption.

I can't really answer your question on TS comp but I know that my agency has $25,000 for first time TS. Of course, that's through an agency. I would guess that maybe first time would be around $18,000. Hope that helps. And I wish you the best of luck!
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#6 User is offline   CarlaGSx3 

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Posted 26 March 2012 - 03:08 PM

Not a TS, but I could honestly say I would not chose a family with so many children...but like you see above, that is just my personal opinion...I have considered working with couples that had a couple older kids from a first marriage and one spouse didn't have any, or even a couple younger kids, but I think 3 or 4 would be my personal "limit" and even then if I had 2 families to chose from I'd go with childless first.
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#7 User is offline   Mavis 

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Posted 26 March 2012 - 04:52 PM

I have to agree with Carla. In fact when I first started my journey I told my agency that I would prefer to work with IP's that didn't have children. But that is just me personally. I wanted to help someone who couldn't have children on their own for one reason or another because it was the fact that my best friend can't get pregnant that made me want to. I definitely understand wanting more children, but for me it was important to help someone that couldn't even start a family. But good luck to you for sure!
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#8 User is offline   BUZYMOM 

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Posted 26 March 2012 - 05:35 PM

I am so sorry for everything you have been through.

As you sadly know, every pregnancy comes with risks for a woman's health. If I were going to put my own children at a risk for growing up with out me I would probably not choose to work with someone who already has so many children.

But I wish you lots of luck!!
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#9 User is offline   Brandiland 

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Posted 26 March 2012 - 07:10 PM

I also agree with Carla. I can't say that I wouldn't help such a large family, but I would most likely pick the childless family first just because they didn't have any children yet.
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#10 User is offline   Angela 

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Posted 26 March 2012 - 07:15 PM

I agree with Carla - I'd prefer to work with a childless couple or a couple with only one or two children.
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#11 User is offline   BabyOven 

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Posted 26 March 2012 - 09:19 PM

Knowing that any surrogacy is a risk, I would probably be more drawn to helping someone who hasn't yet been able to experience the joy and miracle of parenthood.
That being said, if I wasn't presented with two options, only an option of a couple that already had children, I wouldn't say no based on that fact alone.
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#12 User is offline   CaliSurroMom 

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 11:11 AM

Well said Danielle, I feel the same way.
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#13 User is offline   Tsurrox1 

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 12:03 PM

Thank you ladies! It was about the answers I expected. I feel if I had been faced with two options, I would not choose such a large family. We've been blessed with each of our children and I certainly don't need anymore. Part of my issue is, I think, is because I no longer have a choice. we're also not willing to pay 110k+ to do a GS and ivf. And the main reason is because I feel like that would be sacrificing too much for our other children. They're involved in activities and don't want for anything and I don't want that to change just because I want another child. It wouldn't be fair. We'll continue to pursue it and if it's meant to be, it will happen :-). DH commented this morning that all of our children basically fell in our lap and if it's meant for us to have another one, then it will happen again. Lol, I have to explain it to our kids though. For the life of me I can't figure out why they would want another sibling but they do!

Again, thanks for the honesty :-))
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#14 User is offline   Tsurrox1 

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Posted 27 March 2012 - 12:21 PM

Oh, I have to add, our family literally snowballed into it's current size! We started out adopting a special needs child with his younger sister, then the bio mom had another child and we were asked if we would take her as well. So that lead to having four. We had another foster daughter that we've had since birth and was raised with our children, she technically went home but never actually left our house. Her brother was born and we got him from the hospital because the mom thought he was ugly and didn't want a boy (the baby in my siggy pic), so we were raising both of them when bio mom had another baby and when DHS stepped in to take them from her, we took custody of all three (separate times too). We had only planned on a couple of kids ourselves, lol. And our youngest was actually a complete surprise!
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#15 User is offline   Ninaskye77 

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Posted 06 May 2012 - 03:03 PM

[quote name='Tsurrox1' date='27 March 2012 - 01:21 PM' timestamp='1332868892' post='613985']
Oh, I have to add, our family literally snowballed into it's current size! We started out adopting a special needs child with his younger sister, then the bio mom had another child and we were asked if we would take her as well. So that lead to having four. We had another foster daughter that we've had since birth and was raised with our children, she technically went home but never actually left our house. Her brother was born and we got him from the hospital because the mom thought he was ugly and didn't want a boy (the baby in my siggy pic), so we were raising both of them when bio mom had another baby and when DHS stepped in to take them from her, we took custody of all three (separate times too). We had only planned on a couple of kids ourselves, lol. And our youngest was actually a complete surprise!
[/quote


I know that you have gotten your answer but just wanted to add that I have never considered it before it makes for good thinking though what a big heart you both have
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