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Traditional Surrogate & Natural Conception!?


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#1 Angelique

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 03:33 AM

Hi.I am brand new here. I am considering being a surro, but we have not yet decided fully.

Question though, and I am sure this will be contentious. But has ANYONE EVER done a Traditional Surrogacy with natural conception???
In other words the situations is a single man (mature, stable, professional and very functional) who really wants child, and a woman happy to help facilitate that. They like each other enough to conceive in the 'usual' way, but are not in any kind of long term commited relationship and don't want to be life partners and parents in perpetuity.

So if they are mature enough to handle the rest like a normal surrogacy, so legal contracts will be drafted and agreed etc. but don't need the medical assistance to concieve.
Can this work?

I think it makes it less of a surrocay and more of an adoption really...? But has anyone done this before???

I am fairly sure this has been done the other way (probably reasonably often), with a male 'friend' being prepared to assist a female to conceive a child when she wanted to be a parent but couldn't achieve it alone. But obviously that's a lot less complicated, and that's a once off thing, and doesn't follow through for either pregnancy & birth.

For now we are just exploring options, but I'm interested to know if there is any prescident here.

Does anyone have info or expereince to share?

Thanks in advance.

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#2 ellemagnoliasmommy

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 07:51 AM

You have got that right that is NOT surrogacy. :bitelip: . You would then be having consensual sex and then giving up all your rights to the man you had sex with. Especially since you said he is a single male. I would be shocked if you found a attorney willing to represent you as a "surrogate" under those terms.

Why would you not want to have IUI or at the very least home insemination????

I am sure others will chime in as well :theeye:

#3 Charbearx3

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 08:33 AM

Pretty sure this has to be a troll.......because no one in their right mind would even think about that.
If for one mini second this is real.....you have a ton of learning to do before you even think about surrogacy. Let alone traditional surrogacy. No way you would even make it past the psych eval, or like Daisy said, find an attorny who would think that's OK.

#4 Angelique

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 08:57 AM

Hey all.

1) No I am not a troll. Promise.

2) I have been an egg donor. I have had several psych sessions. And we've been consulting with a lawyer already and met with him last week.

3) We are exploring this as AN, not necessarily THE option. May well still go IVF or IUI... or even possibly Gestational Surro instead.

I really am interested to hear if there is a way to make this work. If a child is conceived principally, and almost exclusively, FOR the father to have a child, can it not be arrange that he have exclusive rights to that child..?

Yes we'd be concenting adults, but he wants the child, I don't.

Edited by Angelique, 27 April 2012 - 09:01 AM.


#5 Angelique

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 09:11 AM

Perhaps I should give you some more context...

He approached a surro agency. I am friends with surro and egg donor agency owner. I have done an egg donor cycle through her. She asked me if I wanted to consider being a surro. I said no, not becase I wouldn't LOVE to have another pregnancy and birth and moreover help someone achieve their goal of parenthood, but because as a single mom and with no support it didn't seem feasable. She said she thinks it makes it easier, because I don't have to ask for permission...

Anyway she told me about him and he sounded really interesting and we got emailing and eventually met. Overe the past 9 months I have acted as his advoros and educator on all things pregnancy birth and parenting related.

I have been single for 4 years. He has been single for the past year or so. He has never wanted to get married and never wanted to have a child with anyone before. Both of us are a bit jaded about realtionships and their longevity and issues that come up etc.

So now in the time we have known each other we have become clase and do care about each other - for now! we are not assumig we'll fall madly in love and want to spend the rest of our lives together or anything like tat as we are very mature adults with our own full lives and responsibilites. So now the question is how do we proceed to assit him in attaining his goal of a child.

And perhaps I should and will do it the IVF route, but it just seems that if a natural conception is perfectly possible, why is it not an option? And why would I be 'giving up my rights?' anymore than a normal TS..??

I of course realise this is very much an unusual situation! And I am very interested to hear all (honest and preferebly rational) opinions.

#6 Shauna

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 09:35 AM

So why can't collecting a sperm sample in a cup, and using a syringe to insert the sample be an option? Which is the way most TS's concieve when doing TS or by doing IUIs.

No, even by having consentual sex to concieve a TS baby is NOT normal. To me, that just opens up a whole can of worms, and a whole new playing field.

#7 Angelique

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 09:42 AM

So why can't collecting a sperm sample in a cup, and using a syringe to insert the sample be an option? Which is the way most TS's concieve when doing TS or by doing IUIs.

No, even by having consentual sex to concieve a TS baby is NOT normal. To me, that just opens up a whole can of worms, and a whole new playing field.



Ok so a home IUI is ok..?

#8 tsmiami

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 10:18 AM

Sex is never an option for a TS.

However, an at home IUI is difficult to do, IUI stands for Inter-Uterine Insemination (Okay the first I may be wrong).....which means, the sperm HAS to be washed (by a clinic). Most clinics will NOT just let you go home with it. However, in the case of frozen sperm, this has happened. Keep in mind, I did say MOST clinics, so I am sure a few may let that happen. Then, through a cathedar (sp?), it goes through the cervix to the uterus and is inseminated this way. DO NOT TRY THIS without having the sperm washed, a uterine infection is not fun. Keep in mind, I can't barely reach my cervix, so I couldn't do it, plus finding that less than a cm hole? Right..... SOme have done it though

AI is just having him donate into a sterile cup and using a instead cup or a syringe (without the needle) to inseminate. This can be done at home or in a dr office.

Yes, it is always fun to explain to someone that you did not have sex and conceived :) I love the looks on their faces!

Please, please, please research the laws in your state BEFORE you go through anything. Certain states have clear laws on how a child can be concieved for the final adoption to go through without flaw. For example, FL states that it must be a married, commissioning (which means there is a legal contract) couple. The process MUST be overseen by a doctor. Now this doesn't mean every single surrogacy in FL has followed these laws, and the couples still have their babies, but if there were a problem, and you didn't follow the law, you could be up a creek.

#9 Angelique

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 10:22 AM

Note I am not in the states at all. I live in another country. So the laws will be different. Note that commerical surrogacy, for instance, is not legal here, but TS ans GS are legal.

We have the lawyer looking into options and the surro agency is investigating too.

#10 Angelique

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 10:24 AM

Yes sorry, AI is artificial insemination, IUI is intrauterine insemination, and yes you are right it is usually washed first, so home would be pure AI then I guess, except as your say with pre-washed, frozen sperm then.

#11 Brandiland

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 12:09 PM

Angelique, having an actual sexual relationship with an IP is so far out of the scope of surrogacy that it's a whole different ball game. It seems to me that you two do have some feelings for each other, even though you haven't established any type of commitment. If you're willing to have sex with the IP, I think that shows your feelings for him.

If a previous boyfriend, for instance, asked me to be a TS but asked to do it the 'natural way' I would still insist on saying no, even though we've already been there done that. It seems incredibly inappropriate.

I suggest doing at least an at home insem, but if you're still willing to procreate the natural way with this man, then maybe you should think deep down inside if you may actually want a real relationship with him.

#12 Angelique

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 12:30 PM

Hi Brandi,

Thanks for the repsonse.

Ok so rather than approach the question from the Surrogacy starting point, let's start with the result and then think about the best way to achieve that.

What would be the best way for a single-man, who wants to single-parent to go about attaining a biological child? One which I think he deserves and has a right to.

I am only in the picture here as a result of his quest for a child, and as someone who has a passion for pregnancy and birth.

The basis of OUR relationship is not romantic or forever after. If all goes great we may stay close and I could potentially end up in him and baby's life in some way, but that is by no means a given. So the starting point is I can/may/will be transcient, the baby is forever.

Is that THAT hard for anyone else to understand..?

I am not sure if we are just VERY mature and rational, or if we are missing something.
Note that we are both mature successfully professional and very above avererage intelligence people.
It's really not that hard for me to wrap my head around this, and we've been discussing it for 6-9 months now. So it's not a snap decision, and I am not emotionally clouded here.

Yes, we do both like each other. But yes we know that most relationships end, and so we are not wanting to pursue that path. I've been married, it's not something I am seeking particularly again. I am very happy with my life as it is.

He wants a child, I'd like to be able to help him achieve that and would LOVE another pregnancy and birth.

If it turns out the clinic route is the ony option, so be it. But it just seems rather unneccesary, not to mention expensive.

Edited by Angelique, 27 April 2012 - 12:33 PM.


#13 katiebuggrace

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 01:42 PM

Your crazy. He either just wants to get in your pants, or you want to try and win him over with sex. Your rationale reminds me of a high schooler trying to get a boy to like her. Yes, I understand what end result you and him are trying to achieve BUT if it's really just about him getting a biological child, why are you so insistent on sleeping with him to achieve that?

#14 LittleFella

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 01:44 PM

You don't have to be his surrogate to have sex with him. Sounds like that would be half the fun. Just have sex but not in the name of getting him a child. This sort of thing goes back to Abraham and Sarah and begs for trouble. I'm sure people do this all the time, it would just be asking for drama though which could be fun I suppose although unfair imo to the child. As mature and intelligent as you may be there is clearly some sort of emotional fulfillment you and he are getting out of proposed arrangement... :theeye: To each his own!

#15 Angelique

 
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Posted 27 April 2012 - 01:55 PM

Your crazy. He either just wants to get in your pants, or you want to try and win him over with sex. Your rationale reminds me of a high schooler trying to get a boy to like her. Yes, I understand what end result you and him are trying to achieve BUT if it's really just about him getting a biological child, why are you so insistent on sleeping with him to achieve that?


I don't think either of us are using sex as a bargaining tool or power-play and both of us can (and have) found sex and relationships elsewhere. So the only unique thing between HIM and ME is the baby. I.e. the conception, pregnancy, birth, baby and subsequent parenting of said baby.

I don't need to try to get him to like me either. We are also both aware that a physical relationship could/would cloud a surrogate arrnagement and relationship.

I am not actually 'so insistent' on sleeping with him to achieve the conception. I am merely exploring the possible option. It just seems silly to ignore the most obvious, simplest and easiest option. If it is not viable, or not a good idea, then so be it. I/we are merely exploring the option.

That said I do appreciate the frank and honest opionions. I have no doubt that those in 'the real world' will be harsher and probably less open-minded, so I accept and expect judgement and incredulousness.




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