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Meeting Potential IPs TONIGHT!!


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#1 Chrissie

 
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Posted 14 May 2012 - 11:18 AM

Hey girls....I am meeting the potential IPs tonight with my husband. We are meeting a local restaurant for dinner. I'm so nervous. I'm new to this and so are the couple. We are almost doing this independently. Their RE has a surrogacy program that I am a part of. They just give us each others number and we do the meeting, contracts, etc all by ourselves. I know a little about the couple but not much. Other than trying to figure out if we will mesh well, what should I make sure we discuss before we decide if we want to proceed??

Thanks in advance!

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#2 tsmiami

 
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Posted 14 May 2012 - 11:49 AM

Have fun! Have a few "break the ice" type of get to know you questions. However, know the deal breaker questions too.

Good luck!

#3 CaliSurroMom

 
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Posted 14 May 2012 - 12:45 PM

If you're not just getting to know each other a bit- if you're actually going to hash out some details to see if this could for sure be a match (which may have been done alredy, or may wait until a second meeting?), then you want to make sure you're all on the same page with the big things, like termination, selective reduction, # of babies you're willing to carry, how many embryos might be transferred (though that is sometimes left until transfer time and done w/ the RE's recommendation). Does the RE's office have a suggested comp plan or anything like that? Or have you already gone over some numbers to see if you're in agreement on that? It's kind of hard, not knowing what step you're on... and what's already been determined. Usually, if you're matched by an agency, they've already gone over most of these things, or it was in the profiles you read on each other, etc- so I don't know if that's something you've already done through the RE...? But, definitely be yourself and just see if you "click" with them and feel good about it!

#4 AmandaJ17

 
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Posted 14 May 2012 - 03:04 PM

You all need to be clear on selective reduction, how many to transfer in the first place, what you would do if something were wrong...if the parents would want to abort? If YOU would be comfortable with that. Contact? Before, during, and after. I don't know what else...

#5 traci72

 
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Posted 14 May 2012 - 06:16 PM

Alison has some great suggestions! You really do want to know if your on the same page about the "biggies" before you consider it a match. Matching makes me think of blind-dating really...everyone is nervous, you want the other's to like you, hope you like them, what if you say something "off" or if THEY do, etc. I do remember each set of my IP's telling me just how nervous they were to meet DH and I as well and were so worried I wouldn't like them. That helped me relax a bit too...knowing they were as nervous as I was. I had a list of things to ask about, but once we met and started covering things like SR, termination, chromosomal testing, etc, everything else just seemed to fall into place and we were all able to relax and get to know each other better.

I'm sure it'll go just fine...and will be looking for an update!

#6 wbwatts

 
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Posted 15 May 2012 - 04:01 AM

always go w/your gut instinct! good luck and i hope it went well :)

#7 PhaedraS

 
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Posted 15 May 2012 - 11:32 AM

Hoping it went well! Looking forward to an update :-)

#8 Chrissie

 
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Posted 15 May 2012 - 07:49 PM

it went AMAZING!! the couple actually only lives 10 minutes from us, and in my brother's neighborhood development. The 4 of us hit it off great, we had casual talk first and then hit the big topics. When I told them that they would be in the delivery room, and that the husband would cut the cord and she would be handed the baby first, they both cried. we have agreed to work together and I couldn't be happier!! Thanks for all the advice, we covered all the big issues and are on the same page with everything!

#9 PhaedraS

 
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Posted 15 May 2012 - 07:52 PM

it went AMAZING!! the couple actually only lives 10 minutes from us, and in my brother's neighborhood development. The 4 of us hit it off great, we had casual talk first and then hit the big topics. When I told them that they would be in the delivery room, and that the husband would cut the cord and she would be handed the baby first, they both cried. we have agreed to work together and I couldn't be happier!! Thanks for all the advice, we covered all the big issues and are on the same page with everything!



What wonderful news!!!! I am so excited for you! Congrats and I hope that you have a wonderful journey!

#10 Jampurcell

 
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Posted 16 May 2012 - 03:37 PM

I remember having the first conversation with my IP. It was so nerve wrecking. Just try to relax and remeer your all there for the same reason. Dont wait on asking those "big" questions. There VERY important when going on this journey! Good Luck! Update on how it went!

#11 jessilynn183

 
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Posted 17 May 2012 - 09:57 AM

Yay!!! It's so great when you just 'click' with the perfect IP's. I can't wait to follow your journey!




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