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#1 mjpplr8507

 
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Posted 11 June 2012 - 11:59 PM

My future brother-in-law and sister-in-law had their baby today and when we went to go visit them in the hospital it got me thinking and I had some questions. I apologize if these are dumb and/or obvious questions. %1. In the hospital only 2 people got purple "clearance" hospital bracelets which means they can come and visit the mother and baby anytime. One was obviously the father, the other was my sister-in-law's mother. How do they work this in a surrogate (gestational) situation? #2. When the gs has the baby who holds it first? How does that all work out? #3. If the IP's are present for the birth and they have other family members there, how does that work with a gs? Did you have your own room so you weren't bothered by the family members or did you not mind if they came in the room and visited you?

Thanks for letting me ask!

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#2 tm501

 
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Posted 12 June 2012 - 12:58 AM

The way my hospital worked it for all 3 surrogacy's is- the IP's both have the bracelets. I had 1 also, but all the staff knew I was the surrogate NOT the parent. The baby was always handed to his parents, which is the way I believe it should be and is very important to me. Its their baby not mine. I made sure my ob knew each time and they all felt the same as me so there was never a problem. All 3 times the IP's were given there own room at the hospital and I had my own room.
As far as family members, my 1st IP's were from out of state and had an 8 y/o daughter. When they came to the hospital they brought her and my IM's mother (who I love!) IM came into delivery because IF didn't handle screaming too well. IM's mom and daughter saw the baby when I was being moved out of labor/delivery to the maternity ward and IP's were going to their room. Second IP's came down from NYC where they were staying from England. They left their son and family in NYC so it was just them and they were both in delivery. My last IM came in the room with the baby's father, and her family waited outside. I met them as I was being wheeled to my room on the maternity floor.

Each hospital may do it differently though. This is just how mine has done it. The 1st time I delivered there, there was a bit of confusion over the bracelets because I was the 1st gc they ever had.

#3 wbwatts

 
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Posted 12 June 2012 - 07:11 AM

My future brother-in-law and sister-in-law had their baby today and when we went to go visit them in the hospital it got me thinking and I had some questions. I apologize if these are dumb and/or obvious questions. %1. In the hospital only 2 people got purple "clearance" hospital bracelets which means they can come and visit the mother and baby anytime. One was obviously the father, the other was my sister-in-law's mother. How do they work this in a surrogate (gestational) situation? #2. When the gs has the baby who holds it first? How does that all work out? #3. If the IP's are present for the birth and they have other family members there, how does that work with a gs? Did you have your own room so you weren't bothered by the family members or did you not mind if they came in the room and visited you?

Thanks for letting me ask!


1. They were going to give me a bracelet as well but I felt it wasn't necessary since I was planning on leaving the next day, and all the hospital staff knew me. They did almost put the babies names as Watts but I had to clear it up to put my IPs last name on. Those are just things that can be cleared up during the l/d tour.

2. In the OR, the twins went to the warming stations and the mom. My IM came over and I got to give them a quick squeeze while I was getting taken care of. But from other normal birthing experiences they go right to the IPs.

3.I just stayed in my l/d room and my IPs got there own room in the post partum floor. 2 rooms were great because all i wanted to do was sleep and they could do what they wanted.

#4 traci72

 
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Posted 12 June 2012 - 10:00 AM

I've never heard of the bands like you are describing before, so maybe that's just a regional thing? Even when I had DS#1 back home in FL, I was able to have visitors at any time during visiting hours and anyone could hold him if I allowed. Here, for my surro-births, because I'm the one giving birth (even though I'm not the parent) it is my hospital's policy that I get a band as well. The 1st time, they had never dealt w/a surrogacy before, so they opened 1 set of bands for me, baby and 1 IP. Then they opened a 2nd set of bands that was baby and both IP's. By the 2nd surro-birth, they had "new" bands, where my IP's, baby and myself all had matching bands. My IP's have always been able to have their own room (not a super busy birthing center) and their family or friends visit them there. Family has come into my room to meet me, but I'm ok w/that. In our case, I've held the babies 1st and been the one to hand baby over to the Parents. My Dr doesn't feel right being the one to do it since I did all the "work" carrying and delivering them, and she absolutely does not want the nurses to do it. Since we are having twins this time, I'm not sure how it will work out, but I'm not too worried about it. It all works out in the end. Also, at my hospital here, I can have visitors at any point. They don't have set visiting hours, so as long as I don't have anyone on the "Do Not Allow" list, anyone can visit any time.

#5 AmandaJ17

 
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Posted 12 June 2012 - 10:56 AM

I did a labor and delivery tour and spoke with the coordinator, just to clear everything up beforehand. We are only issued 2 bracelets and one HAS to go to me, they said. Because I would have to be the one to go into OR if we needed a c/s. So we had to discuss which one of my IF's got the other one and they made the decision between themselves. As far as who holds the baby first...I made it clear that the baby is to be handed to THEM. I am glad I did the l/d tour because I know that their protocol is to place baby directly on "moms" chest after birth. So I had to make it clear this is a surrogacy and I am not "mom", baby goes to THEM. As far as rooms, baby never goes to the nursery...I am delivering at a hospital where they do everything in your room, so we asked for a separate room for my IF's. They said depending on how many rooms they have available, they will try to accommodate. So I am happy about that, then they can just bring the baby in to me when he needs to eat (I am BFing in the hospital).

Hope everyone gave you the answers you need :)

#6 Angela

 
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Posted 12 June 2012 - 06:36 PM

We found out our hospital would have been very lenient with a surrogacy situation. They usually only issue two bracelets, but would have done three (myself and the IP's). As far as who held the baby first, we discussed that early on and it would've been my IM.

#7 GSinIN

 
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Posted 12 June 2012 - 10:55 PM

I received a bracelet and my IM received a bracelet. Only I had the musical bracelets that matched up with the twins. My hospital allowed any visitors according to my birth plan.

When the twins were born, they were looked over and then taken into the side room to get wrapped up. My IPs were in the OR with me and got to see them and maybe hold them, but they were wrapped up and placed on my chest to be wheeled into recovery.

My IPs had no visitors, they were in and out most of the time. My IPs were very trusting of me and allowed whomever I wanted in to see the babies. The babies roomed in with me the entire stay. Hind sight I would have liked my own room, but IPs were like family and I was nursing so it made sense to stay together. I was wore out.

#8 GS2Be

 
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Posted 14 June 2012 - 04:34 PM

I had a bracelet, IP's each had a bracelet and (I think) DH had a bracelet. Because it was twins, babies were delivered in L&D OR, and my OB allowed all four of us in the room, it was pretty cramped. First was delivered, held up to be looked over and placed in warmer station while being cleaned up and evaluated. IP's were over there with nurses and baby for about 20 minutes until all hell broke loose and emergency c-section was needed for second baby. Everyone was kicked out of the room (including my DH) and the second baby was taken out to IP's after delivery. They were given a room next to mine for the first day/night (although they spent most of the time with me) and then they stayed mostly with me for the second day/night. We all had (immediate and extended) family and friends dropping by during the first couple of days, babies were released two days before me and I got lots of rest after the babies went home. For us it was a great way to do things.

Everyone has their own expectations and I would say that whatever works best for you is what is right. Just make sure you communicate your expectations clearly with IP's so everyone is on the same page.

Edited by GS2Be, 14 June 2012 - 04:34 PM.


#9 MRSL2010

 
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Posted 31 July 2012 - 07:22 PM

My question is, is my DH able to be in the delivery room? The conversatoin between my IPs and I was that they wanted to be in the room however I feel that I will need my DH in the room right next to me as he was with our daughter as he is my biggest support system. Would that be allowed. Did anyones IPs say that they did not ant your DH in the delivery room?

#10 ellemagnoliasmommy

 
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Posted 31 July 2012 - 08:04 PM

I had the twins by c section and we were still allowed to have my husband and Steve and Allison my IPs in the OR. I know some hospitals have a strict policy of allowing only 1 or 2 people in there.

#11 traci72

 
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Posted 31 July 2012 - 08:30 PM

My question is, is my DH able to be in the delivery room? The conversatoin between my IPs and I was that they wanted to be in the room however I feel that I will need my DH in the room right next to me as he was with our daughter as he is my biggest support system. Would that be allowed. Did anyones IPs say that they did not ant your DH in the delivery room?

No offense to your IP's, but it is YOUR decision on who is in the room w/you. YOU are the patient and the Dr/nurses are going to put you and your needs before your IP's wishes. If you feel strongly about having your DH in there, by all means he SHOULD be in there. Depending on singleton/multiples, hospital policy, size of room, etc, that will determine how many people you can have in there. In our birthing center here in the hospital, you can have as many people as you want....literally. The rooms are HUGE and they will (they have done it before too!) bring in as many chairs to accomodate everyone and even "line" them up if you want. My 1st surro delivery was DS#1, my mom, both IP's, my Dr (she hung out w/us), 1 set of grandparents (though they left the room just before I started pushing) and 2 nurses. My 2nd delivery was DS#1, both IP's, started w/1 doula and finished w/a different doula, my Dr again hung out w/us, Holli from here, a nurse (maybe 2?) and I'm pretty sure that was it. (that was it, right Holli?) This last time, because it was twins, I had to deliver in the OR. My hospital only allows 2 people for an OR delivery (as it is usually a c-section), but my Dr petitioned them to allow both of my IP's as well as a support person for me. Well, we lucked out! They allowed both IP's, my doula and 1 support, so I had DS#1 (he takes all our pics), my doula, both IP's, my Dr again hung out w/us, and then many others there for the babies really.

If you find your hospital has a set policy and it doesn't look accomodating to everyone, talk to the admins to explain your situation, that it's a surrogacy, and request that they allow both IP's and your DH as it's a special circumstance. Worst they would say is no and they might surprise you and allow everyone in!


This last delivery they only banded my IP's and the twins. They know ME so well, as well as knowing my IP's and our situation so well, they weren't concerned about me and the bands. They knew that I could go to see the twins if they were in the nursery anytime I wanted, but we spent quite a bit of time together anyway, so it didn't matter. I think I MUCH preferred not having the twins bands on me too. It was more comfortable for me.

#12 Angela

 
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Posted 01 August 2012 - 04:46 PM

Since I'm a repeat c-section momma, it was in my contract that my husband would be the one in the OR with me and if the hospital would allow it, IM as well (IF did not want to be there).

#13 MRSL2010

 
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Posted 04 August 2012 - 09:20 AM

thank you everyone for the input. Im just piecing all this information together to make sure i can have this journey go as smoothly as possible with little to no bumps in the road.




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