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Matching With Your Intended Parents
Your Guide to the Surrogate Matching Process
Matching with intended parents is a major step in your surrogacy journey, and we’re here to ensure you’re fully prepared for when that time arrives. While certain criteria are considered when matching surrogates and intended parents, a strong personality fit is just as important.
To help you get ready for this exciting phase, we’ve outlined some of the key criteria and questions you’ll need to think about and answer (honesty is key!). The great thing is, this part of the process is all about something you already know well—yourself!
How the Matching Process Works
As a Surrogate with All About Surrogacy, the criteria and preferences you have for your Intended Parent match are incredibly important, and we are here to share profiles that align with your expectations! We believe that a mutual matching approach benefits everyone, and our team understands the importance and sensitivity of this process.
Some key decisions to think about at the start of the matching process include:
Would you prefer to match with a couple or individual from the United States or abroad?
Are you open to working with a same-sex couple or individual?
What is your stance on termination?
Are you willing to transfer multiple embryos?
Once you’ve shared your preferences with us, we will begin presenting profiles of Intended Parents who match your criteria.
We take pride in making successful matches between Surrogates and Intended Parents, as this is essential for a smooth, enjoyable, and fulfilling journey!
All About Surrogacy works with Intended Parents from around the world, and we’re confident that we will find the perfect match for you and your family! When your profile is shared with the Intended Parents that meet your criteria, they’ll have the opportunity to review your information and decide if they’d like to move forward with you as their surrogate. If both parties are interested, our Matching Specialists will coordinate a “match meeting,” either through video conference or in person, depending on location, to discuss expectations, answer any questions, and get to know each other better. This meeting is a crucial step in the process, ensuring that everyone is aligned and comfortable moving forward together.
The Mutual Matching Process is key to creating a successful, positive experience for both surrogates and Intended Parents. By ensuring that both sides have had the chance to express their preferences and expectations, it creates a foundation of trust and understanding, which is essential for a smooth surrogacy journey. We’re here to support you every step of the way, ensuring that your match is the best fit for you and your intended parents.
Matching Criteria – What Matters to You
You’re taking a big step in your surrogacy journey by choosing the family you’ll connect with and support. This is a deeply personal decision, influenced by many factors that can’t always be measured—the instinct you get when reading an intended parents’ story, or how you imagine yourself helping that particular individual or couple.
To help you through this process, we’ve compiled some questions that experienced surrogates, ourselves included, have asked when preparing to match. Consider this your beginner’s guide to matching!
What kind of relationship do I want with my intended parents?
Think about how involved you want the intended parents to be. Do you want a close, hands-on relationship or a more independent, minimal contact arrangement?
Do I prefer working with a couple or an individual?
Consider whether you’d like to work with a couple, an individual, or perhaps a same-sex couple. Understanding what feels comfortable to you is important in making a great match.
How do I feel about their background and lifestyle?
Reflect on the intended parents’ values, lifestyle, and approach to family-building. Do their perspectives align with yours? This can impact the overall experience.
What are my views on sensitive topics?
Think about your stance on topics like termination, embryo transfer, or other medical procedures. Having open conversations about these issues early on helps ensure you’re on the same page as the intended parents.
How do I feel about their communication style?
Consider how much communication you’d like throughout the process. Are you comfortable with frequent updates, or do you prefer fewer check-ins? Make sure you and the intended parents are aligned on how often and in what ways you’ll stay in touch.
What Intended Parents Think About When Choosing a Surrogate
Remember, you will be on this journey together for a long time, it’s essential that you and your intended parents are like-minded, and want the same experience in your journey. This is the foundation of the Mutual Matching Process. To help you prepare, here ae some things intended parents think about when choosing their surrogate:
Your Support Network
Being a surrogate is a significant commitment, and it’s important for intended parents to know that you’re supported by a strong network of family and friends who will be there for you. Your cheerleaders are key to your success, especially when it comes to those moments when you need a little extra help or encouragement, like when someone offers to watch your kids for a day.
Your Motivation for Becoming a Surrogate
Just as intended parents are eager to share why they chose surrogacy to build their family, they’ll also want to hear your reasons for wanting to help someone else. Don’t hesitate to be open and honest about your journey. Your story is unique, and there’s no such thing as sharing too much—it’s what makes you an incredible person!
Your Daily Life and Interests
Think about the little things that make up your daily routine. Do you have any favorite hobbies or weekend activities? What do you enjoy doing in your free time? Sharing these details helps intended parents get a better sense of who you are and if your lifestyles align.
Your Expectations for Communication
We’ll work with you to define the kind of communication you prefer with your intended parents throughout the surrogacy process. Intended parents are also curious about this, as it helps them understand how you like to stay in touch. When you have that first video meeting, it’s the perfect opportunity to discuss your communication style, whether it’s through calls, texts, or social media, and how involved you want them to be during the journey.
Your Connection
After agreeing to at least meet via video call, the chemistry and energy you share during that conversation can help both you and the intended parents determine if it's a good fit. Ultimately, just like any relationship, the vibe and connection between you and the parents are crucial. It’s a long journey, and ensuring you're a good match will make the experience more enjoyable for everyone.
That Gut Feeling
At the end of the day, both surrogates and intended parents will often say they just knew it was the right match. Trust that feeling—you’ll get a sense of whether it’s the right connection, and that instinct will guide you in making the best decision for your surrogacy journey.
While the questions may seem personal or specific, remember—it’s not because we are nosy. Each one is designed to help you find the ideal match for a positive and fulfilling surrogacy journey!
Other Key Questions to Consider
Do You Connect With Them?
This may be something you immediately feel, but if it takes time, that’s perfectly fine too. Trust your feelings – it’ll guide you to know when the connection feels right.
Do You Share Their Beliefs on Pregnancy and Termination?
While the previous question is more about your personal feelings, this one involves practical considerations. Surrogacy can bring up significant decisions, particularly regarding your health and the potential for termination in certain circumstances. Take some time to think through these issues now, so you’re prepared if they come up. If you’re unsure, we’re here to help you discuss these complex topics.
Here are a few ways these discussions might unfold:
Would you be willing to terminate the pregnancy if it put your life at risk?
How do you feel about termination in cases of severe medical conditions?
What are your views on termination when the baby's quality of life is uncertain, such as with Down syndrome?
How do you feel about selective reduction if multiple embryos are transferred and the pregnancy results in multiples?
Are You Comfortable with Their Relationship Status and Identity?
Not every match will feel right, and that’s okay! Whether they are single, in a partnership, straight, or LGBTQIA+, it’s important to be honest about who you feel most comfortable with. If you don’t feel like it’s a good match, moving on helps both you and the intended parents find the right fit more quickly.
Are You Okay with Traveling to Their Fertility Center?
Some surrogates are excited about traveling to their intended parents’ fertility center, while others prefer staying nearby and in driving distance. It’s a personal preference, but it’s crucial to align on this early in the process to ensure that your surrogacy experience remains positive – even when challenges arise.
Do You See Yourself Wanting to Build a Relationship with Them Over the a Couple of Years?
Surrogacy typically lasts about 18 months, but sometimes the journey can stretch beyond that. It’s essential to choose intended parents who you feel comfortable spending that time with and who you could imagine having a lasting connection with beyond just the surrogacy process.
As you get to know potential intended parents, you’ll have the opportunity to decide what matters most to you when imagining the right parent match. You have a significant role in shaping the experience of your surrogacy journey, and it all begins with selecting the intended parents who are the best fit for you.
